Ask Dr. Silver

My daughter will be 13 in September and is going to middle school. I am very worried because she has ADHD and has a hard time making and keeping friends. She gets bullied a lot of the time. I don't want that to happen as she enters middle and high school. So how do we help her make friends, hang with the right crowd, and not get bullied?

I have a 9-year-old son, who was diagnosed with dysgraphia and ADHD in second grade. He has a special education plan, which his teachers usually follow, but because he is in lots of special groups, math help, reading help etc., he has lots of different teachers.

I am really having issues getting them to positively reinforce him. I fight with them all the time and it is just the same thing over and over — he gets a new teacher who is supposed to follow his IEP and instead they make fun of him or belittle him because he does not learn the same as other children. I am so sad and frustrated, I want to just follow him around and stop anyone who hurts him, but I can't do that.

Is there anything I can do to help his beaten self-esteem? Or maybe a different way to approach the teachers? He is just a little boy and he learns a little differently than others. I have had teachers use him as an example, saying things like, "If you don't do your homework, you'll end up like him." They have told him, "If you don't stop making your letters backwards, you will never have a job or a drivers license." Any help or advice you can give me will be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

Shelly

I have a 12-year-old daughter who procrastinates terribly when she is supposed to be doing homework or studying and we are constantly threatening, bribing, reasoning with her to get her to do her work. She is often up late at night still doing it and we're always fighting. She frequently refuses when told to do things she doesn't want to do and I just can't make her.

Her behavior is so stressful to the rest of the family and we are all constantly on edge. How can I get her to complete her assignments without all the defiance and yelling? She is on Focalin and is a good student (with a lot of our badgering to do her work).

I have a 7-year-old girl who is in second grade and struggling. She was diagnosed with Adjustment Depression and ADHD last March. She was treated for depression with an SSRI and counseling. She is currently on an ADHD medication and has stopped the depression meds. The counseling was stopped this fall because her counselor could see no reason to continue.

We have struggled since she started school. She is a very strong-willed little girl who knows a lot more than what she is willing to show us or the teachers. Her work at school fluctuates from day to day. She can do the work with ease one day and then struggle the next with the same work. Her teachers are as perplexed as I am. I have tried many different things for her such as Hooked on Phonics, Sylvan, special tutoring at school, and working with her in different ways at home. The things we try seem to make an impact the first couple of weeks but then she no longer is interested in them and does not want to participate. There seems to be a battle of wills.

How do we go about finding the thing that will allow my daughter to be as bright as we know she is without traumatizing her or bringing back the depression and making things worse? Her teachers feel she should continue counseling. They are disagreeing with the diagnosis of ADHD even though we went through several hours of testing. I fear that if she is held back (which I am thinking may be next) that she will be traumatized from this and will not recover.

Her social skills are lacking. She avoids crowds and does not warm up to people like a typical 7-year-old. She would much rather play with younger kids and avoid group activities. She has no problems making new friends as long as it is just her and the other child. Could her social behavior be contributing to her academic behavior and, if so, how do we go about making changes?

My question or questions concern my son who is now 15. He has had struggles his entire tenure as a student thus far. His teachers say that he is to often off of the task at hand. He tells me he has trouble concentrating at times. Having him sit by himself is very little help in terms of him not getting distracted. I had him tested four years ago for ADD and he doesn’t seem to be a ADHD candidate because he has no problem staying still, with the exception of his concentration problems. He gets good grades at times and then it seems at testing time he fails. Teaching methods attribute to some of it, but not all.

He is very disorganized and even if I take the time to get him set-up to be organized (i.e. notes), he often gets classes mixed up. This leaves him with a result of mixed-up paperwork that needs to be deciphered for determining which notebook it goes in. The doctor who gave him the test years ago said that the results were such that he didn’t think he was ADD or ADHD and that he would probably always be a high maintenance student. He is now a freshman struggling and I cant help but feel he is slipping through the cracks. He does not cause problems, although when he is off task and tries to socialize during class, it can cause additional distraction for his teachers. Please advise on where I should go from here.

Thanks,
Harold

After extensive testing by various places, my son has been diagnosed by a psychologist with ADHD-PI and sluggish cognitive tempo. He has just started taking band and playing the flute. Band is held at the end of the day when the other students have a study hall. As expected, he is having difficulty finishing tasks and tests in class.

The teachers want me to withdraw him from band to give him extra time to finish these things. He wants to continue band. He does not have an IEP yet. I am waiting for the written report from the psychologist to schedule an appointment with the counselor. The school tells me that with ADHD he does not qualify for additional resources.

Is sluggish cognitive tempo considered a learning disability? Will the diagnosis qualify him for additional resources, such as a resource teacher or just an IEP? Should I withdraw him from band and make him concentrate on academics or should I insist that the school make other accommodations to allow him to finish his unfinished assignments?

I am worried about my five-year-old grandson. He refuses to listen, has trouble concentrating, throws tantrums, and asks the same question over and over. He is very bright, cute, funny, imaginative and loves to be the center of attention. He doesn't sit still if there is external stimuli. I literally can't take my eyes off of him. He doesn't know boundaries. He doesn't sit to eat a meal. The doors have to be locked from the inside, he may decide to visit the neighbor or go on a journey. Two years ago, I thought it was a phase, but it is getting worse. It's as if he has no control.

Please help!

Jackie

My daughter, who is now 7 years old, has been diagnosed with ADHD, Dyslexia, Motor Function delays and Executive Function disorder. This diagnosis came after about four months of testing and evaluation. The ADHD diagnosis came as a surprise, not just to us, but to her teachers and specialists as well. They just didn't see it.

The plan of action included continuation with what we are already doing and medication. We tried the medication and were told we would see an immediate change. The medication did nothing other than make her depressed. She is known for her sweet personality so the change was obvious. We tried other meds with the same result.

I am wondering if she has been misdiagnosed. She is now reading and writing through the help of a specialist as well as at home. She is also doing well with math. She is still struggling with her ability to stay focused and follow directions (ie. if I ask her to face me she will turn around with her back to me). At this point in her treatment, do you have any advice as to what I can do next? Thank you, in advance, for you time and consideration.

My gifted nine-year-old, who is an advanced reader, writes and illustrates stories, finds patterns and relationships in math problems, and likes to have theological discussions, has suddenly started having extreme difficulty focusing in school. For example, his teacher often saw him staring off into space for long periods of time during standardized testing and his gifted teacher said that on a recent assignment he wrote only 12 words in one hour without one complete sentence!

He still has all A's in classes except for Science, in which he has a low D. Lately, the Science assignments have been done on your own during center time while the teacher helps small reading groups. The gifted teacher has mentioned the possibility of ADD since this seems to go beyond occasional daydreaming and reminding him to focus really isn't cutting it.

Do I ask the school to test him? Do I take him to our pediatrician or ask that his office's psychologist test our son in some way? Should I go first to an eye doctor since he recently mentioned seeing double at times? Where do we start? I would like to look into this before he goes into fourth grade next year (known to be harder and faster paced).

My 7-year-old son has ADHD and an IEP in class at his school. He is very good in math, but when it comes too letter sounds, he cannot retain them so he can't read or write. How do I, as his mom, help him too remember from one day to the next? And why is it he can retain all the things to do with math and not reading? I am confused?

Vickie

Hello! My name is Rebecca Phipps, and I'm 14 years old, almost 15. I recently got accepted into this awesome new high school, West Florida. It's a difficult new school, and most people would just die to go there. I've always had a little bit of ADD, but because of the new stresses and other components, it's gotten worse. It's really embarrassing when I am talking to the teacher and I randomly forget what I was talking about.

My mom knows about this, and my brother has ADHD. I talked to my older sister about it and I tell her a lot of things I don't tell mom. The other day we were talking about my situation, and I want to talk to my doctor about getting the medicine for it. I figured there's not very much to lose. I was wondering if you had any suggestions about opening up a conversation with my mom about really considering talking to my pediatrician. Could you please help?

My question is in regards to my son's ADHD med, Adderall XR. He seemed to be doing really well with it for the past four months. However, he has been having trouble lately focusing. Our physician suggested raising it to 15MG, which didn't seem to help. He then suggested 20MG. I don't feel really comfortable raising it that high, as our son is only six years old.

Is it possible another medication may work better, even in the same stimulant family, like Focalin that can be sprinkled? Is it unusual for a child to do really well on a medication for four months and then have difficulties again? Thank you!!

Recently my seven-year-old son has been diagnosed with ADD and dysgraphia. He also has enlarged addenoids that have to come out. He only has 1 mm airway when he should have 10 mm. He has notable sleep apnea and is an aggressive snorer. Could his sleep apnea be playing into some of his focus and attention issues?

My 15-year-old son was diagnosed approximately three years ago with the inattentive form of ADHD. He is also a gifted honor student in a very competitive public high school. We should have addressed this issue much sooner, but he was always able to overcome his difficulties so I never gave a thought that he had any learning disability.

His main difficulties are that he constantly forgets things, has difficulty staying on task, misplaces things including homework on a regular basis, and is easily distracted. We have never tried medication, nor have we sought special accommodations in the school.

Ever since he was in the second grade and required to turn in homework, we have received notes home from teachers each quarter of every year about my son failing to turn in work that we know he did. He also forgets to write down assignments and sometimes even forgets that he has a test or quiz in a given class. We have purchased planners but he inevitably loses them or doesn't use them effectively. Although never diagnosed, I too have many of these same symptoms, so it is difficult for me to assist as I would like.

The main problem at this juncture is that he is seeking a Navy ROTC Scholarship. Therefore, by the Navy's rules, in the year prior to his being medically evaluated for the scholarship, he cannot take medications to treat ADHD, nor can he receive accommodations that other children do not get, or he will be medically disqualified.

What suggestions do you have, without using medications or school accommodations, for us to help our son be successful? He desires to study Engineering, which is an extremely rigorous program. We are very worried that his disorganization and lack of focus will make things very difficult for him to succeed without using medication or accommodations. Thank you for any help you can provide.

Chris

I am a fifth grade teacher and I have a student who is medicated for ADHD with a patch. He shows an attention rate of about 85 percent throughout a school day. However, I have found that he experiences trouble in reading and in speaking at times. When called upon to orally read in class, he must stare at the text for approximately 20 seconds in order to verbalize his words. He also experiences this at times in beginning communication. Do you have any ideas of what the causes may be, or how I can assist him? Maybe games or skills practices that could help.

Thanks,

Donna

My eight-year-old son was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD and Central Auditory Processing Disorder (CAPD). He has always been a shy anxious child and uncomfortable socially. We have been trying different stimulant medications for him that have helped the inattentiveness, but have exacerbated the anxiety (separation anxiety and peeling his finger tips particularly).

We are now going to try Straterra. Should he get a formal diagnosis for anxiety disorder and be taking something more like Wellbutrin, or should we see how he responds to the Straterra? I have always been bothered by his anxiety issues and feel that the professionals I have seen seem to focus more on the ADD issues. Only now is the present doctor recommending he also has therapy for anxiety.

Thank you,

Judy

Is there a way I could be diagnosed without having to go to my general practitioner? During the week, I have college and have to work so I never have spare time to go to the doctors. But I want an official diagnosis that I have ADD or ADHD. It would help me get a little extra help in college

My daughter, who is 11 years old, was diagnosed with ADD. She is on Focalin. For the most part she is doing pretty good but she has her occasional breakdowns. How do you help get a person out of a meltdown without a lot of screaming, yelling, crying from that person?

My wife suffers from depression and also is ADD. She is on medication which does not help when my daughter has one of her meltdowns. Then my wife starts to have a meltdown. Sometimes panic attacks arise from what my daughter is saying etc during a meltdown. Any suggestions would be grateful in dealing with my wife and daughter.

Thanks
Bruce

My son was diagnosed with ADHD and learning disabilities at the end of third grade. He is now in ninth grade and gets very frustrated to the fact that he can't concentrate and do well in school. I feel frustrated myself because I don't know how to help him get out of his frustration.

He used to take Concerta until last year. He now refuses to take the medicine because it makes him feel a different person and he gets angry and aggressive when he takes it. I stopped giving it to him.

Please provide me with some feedback as to how I can help him succeed.

Lvonne

I have been diagnosed with adult attention deficit. I am currently taking Concerta. Where can I take a diagnostic test? Is it a formal test in which I can take so I can seek professional help? I just retired from the military and I would like to be able to go to college and able to really learn and not only pass a test.

I am getting ready to go to college this fall and I am assuming they would like some type of formal evaluation, test type documentation. The more a read about ADHD the more I see myself back in my early age.

Thank you,
William