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Behavior: Social Skills, Self Esteem

Finding a Personality


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Joined: Nov 03, 2005
Posts: 69140
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Posted Feb 29, 2004 at 1:05:42 AM
Subject: Finding a Personality

Hi. This may seem like a strange question, but I thought I'd throw it out anyway.

I find, in social situations, that everyone else seems to have a personality. They comment, they respond, they react. In other words, they have definite personalities.

When things happen in my life, I note them as events, but don't respond. For example, our janitor plays loud rap music after school. I had noticed it, but didn't think anything of it until another teacher was commenting that the kids sometimes didn't go home until 4:30, and the lyrics were inappropriate.

Or we will go to a restaurant and the food will be bad, so I will tell people that the food was bad and what was wrong with it, but there is no commentary, no judgement on my part.

Or if people say things, I don't question their motives. I just accept them at face value, and am surprised to hear other people reacting compassionately or indignantly.

When I try to act like other people and express opinions, it comes out all wrong, and ends up alienating people.

I really have no friends, and I think it's because I have no personality. How do you develop a personality? Can this be learned?

Debcat

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Anonymous
Joined Sep 02, 2014
Posts: 69140

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Posted:Feb 29, 2004 11:36:06 AM

You're saying things don't bother you? Good for you. That's not the same thing as not having a personality.

It sounds as if you let things roll off your back - loud music, bad food, peoples' underlying motives. You don't complain. I'd say again - good for you.

And I'd say that is a personality - you're the calm, accepting personality rather than the emoting, complaining personality. Can you laugh at other people's jokes? Practice a good laugh even for when you don't find something all that funny. People like their jokes to be well-received.

What are your interests? What do you like to do? You might make some friends at activities that you're interested in - I'd be surprised if you didn't as you sound like such a pleasant person to be around. We need more calm, accepting people like you in the world who don't flip out if they get a bad meal in a restaurant once in a while!

Good luck.

I really have no friends, and I think it's because I have no personality. How do you develop a personality? Can this be learned?

Debcat[/quote]

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Joe Tag
Joined Sep 02, 2014
Posts: 102

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Posted:Feb 29, 2004 1:20:14 PM

Deb and Sara ---

Thanks for the topic :-) . I agree, that sometimes, certain issues have
to be addressed, and at other times, they have to be let go.

I, myself, have to cope with a crazy city (Elizabeth, NJ); not
care about some of the traffic ( I walk everywhere ) .
I have to take care of myself, avoiding cars, dealing with people
on the sidewalk.

Other times, I let things go; I don't let them bother me.
If one local supermarket is too dirty, too crowded, I avoid it
and go to the other one (though it is farther away). The
extra distance is usually worth the trip.

The janitor __COULD__ use a "walkman" with headphones, and you
would not hear the rap music. Maybe the better chef is there
only certain nights ( LOL), find out when that is.

Just some thoughts. http://coe.uga.edu .

Best regards,

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Anonymous
Joined Sep 02, 2014
Posts: 69140

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Posted:Mar 01, 2004 4:16:01 AM

Quote "Debcat":

Hi. This may seem like a strange question, but I thought I'd throw it out anyway.

Quote "Debcat":

I find, in social situations, that everyone else seems to have a personality. They comment, they respond, they react. In other words, they have definite personalities.

Quote "Debcat":

When things happen in my life, I note them as events, but don't respond. For example, our janitor plays loud rap music after school. I had noticed it, but didn't think anything of it until another teacher was commenting that the kids sometimes didn't go home until 4:30, and the lyrics were inappropriate.

Quote "Debcat":

Or we will go to a restaurant and the food will be bad, so I will tell people that the food was bad and what was wrong with it, but there is no commentary, no judgement on my part.

Quote "Debcat":

Or if people say things, I don't question their motives. I just accept them at face value, and am surprised to hear other people reacting compassionately or indignantly.

Quote "Debcat":

When I try to act like other people and express opinions, it comes out all wrong, and ends up alienating people.

Quote "Debcat":

I really have no friends, and I think it's because I have no personality. How do you develop a personality? Can this be learned?

Quote "Debcat":

Debcat

Most people are phoney. So if and when there is a nuclear war you can take solice in the fact that most of the dead had it coming. :D

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