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Behavior: Social Skills, Self Esteem

social skills and behaviour

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Joined: Nov 03, 2005
Posts: 69138
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Posted Mar 02, 2004 at 6:56:33 PM
Subject: social skills and behaviour

:cry: Iam at total wits end with my son.
He refuses to do anything for me. He is 5 with aspergers and is very bright and doing very well at school, but home is the problem.He is aggresive destructive and has selective hearing. He refuses to take no for an anwser and screams and yells no matter what time day or night. :cry: :( i really dont know what to do and am finding it hard to keep my cool. i have no help or support and life is a total nightmare. I have tried taking away toys and outings but he really doesnt get it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 18, 2014
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Posted:Mar 02, 2004 7:45:30 PM

Have you seen this website? They have message boards specifically for Aspergers, maybe some suggestions and support there?
http://gopher.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 18, 2014
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Posted:Mar 03, 2004 1:43:28 AM

He is too young for an Aspergers dx. The fact that he is behaving well at school tells me that it is a parenting problem.

I think you should be consistent and if that doesn't work slap the snot out of him.

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 18, 2014
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Posted:Mar 03, 2004 2:05:07 PM

I have no idea about the age for Asberger's diagnosis but I do know even normal kids can hold it together at school and then fall apart at home. It just means the stress of school is too much for them to handle easily and when it is safe (at home), they fall apart.

Even my very normal now 8th grader did this in K. She went from a charming child to a difficult one upon starting school. In retrospect, she started school too early (she was on the young side) and the difficult behavior we saw at home was a reaction to K.

Beth

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 18, 2014
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Posted:Mar 03, 2004 4:46:59 PM

"I think you should be consistent and if that doesn't work slap the snot out of him."

It appears that everyone else is either ignoring you or is too polite to mention that you are a JERK.

John

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 18, 2014
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Posted:Mar 03, 2004 5:43:35 PM
Subject:thanks jerk

i really dont think that slapping the snot out of him is the anwser, but maybe it should be done to you! I am consistent with him.The doctors and people who are in the know! have said he loves the routine of school and is very bright but his issues are all with behavioural. i just totally give up.Sorry i even bothered coming to this page. i needed to hear encouragement not slapping him. goodbye i just want to die now :(

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 18, 2014
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Posted:Mar 04, 2004 10:34:39 AM

Don't let the troll drive you away. The vast majority of folks posting here are experienced and informative.

John

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bgb
Joined Jun 13, 2003
Posts: 330

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Posted:Mar 04, 2004 10:59:44 AM

I'm so sorry you had to put up with the troll. This board is seriously under moderated. John is correct in that it has many valuable posters although we have lost many more over the years due to the under moderating.

Please reconsider your decision to leave. Know you can post her and get input if you can ignore the people who try to hurt you. I just feel pity for people who need to get attention that way...and I've been a target (but not lately!)

There are also other, better moderated boards. The boards where many of our better posters have moved to. www.schwablearning.org is an excellant one. Hang in there.

I have to agree with the poster who said it sounds like your child is holding it together at school and letting it out when he is in a safe place, your home. As disagreeable as this it, it is pretty normal. As you get a better handle on what he needs at school, the acting out at home will settle.

Take care,

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 18, 2014
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Posted:Mar 05, 2004 3:31:36 AM

Quote "Anonymous":

i really dont think that slapping the snot out of him is the anwser, but maybe it should be done to you! I am consistent with him.The doctors and people who are in the know! have said he loves the routine of school and is very bright but his issues are all with behavioural. i just totally give up.Sorry i even bothered coming to this page. i needed to hear encouragement not slapping him. goodbye i just want to die now :([/quote

Quote "Anonymous":

Beat his butt and while you area at you stupid drama queen slap your own face a few times.

Quote "Anonymous":

You don't need to be encouraged. You need to be discouraged from being a suckhole parent.

Quote "Anonymous":

Maybe when you kid gets older he will beat the crap out of you. He should.

Quote "Anonymous":

Face it beotch, you are a lousy parent. I bet you are not even married.

Quote "Anonymous":

So shut up you whining tramp before I slap you.

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momofaMDandanautistic
Joined Mar 06, 2004
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Posted:Mar 06, 2004 3:16:27 AM

I understand how you feel. Only my son gets more out of control at school. He is the first child in our school system with any kind of problems and his are to the extreme. I does seem like a losing battle, but slapping him isn't the answer, nor is negative punishment as in taking things away, they regress over these things and most times amplify the situation. Try visiting sights or finding classes near you. many times they are free to help you with positive disapline, yes there is such a thing. It can be in the simple wording you use, that can totally change his reaction. Find a support group near you. They are everywhere you just gotta look.

I have a 7 year old manic depressive and a 9 year old autistic with ADHD behavioral and anxiety disorders.

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 18, 2014
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Posted:Mar 06, 2004 9:38:53 PM

The Trolls antics bore many of us at this point so a response isn't even entertained.

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 18, 2014
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Posted:Mar 07, 2004 12:46:21 AM

Quote "momofaMDandanautistic":

I understand how you feel. Only my son gets more out of control at school. He is the first child in our school system with any kind of problems and his are to the extreme. I does seem like a losing battle, but slapping him isn't the answer, nor is negative punishment as in taking things away, they regress over these things and most times amplify the situation. Try visiting sights or finding classes near you. many times they are free to help you with positive disapline, yes there is such a thing. It can be in the simple wording you use, that can totally change his reaction. Find a support group near you. They are everywhere you just gotta look.

Slapping is OK but try punching him in the stomach. That will knock the wind out of him. Show him who's boss. Punch him in the same place you'd do the Hiemlich. He'll go down like a ton of bricks. It will be funny.

I know the bleeding hearts here will be all outraged but it will work. Once you do it a few times the threat alone should be enough. Thump uuumph wahhhhhh! :lol: Then he'll come to you after he stops blubbering and tell you he's sorry for being a terror.

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Cathryn
Joined Jan 21, 2004
Posts: 157

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Posted:Mar 07, 2004 1:49:28 AM

Troll wrote:

&lt;&lt;Slapping is OK but try punching him in the stomach. That will knock the wind out of him. Show him who's boss. Punch him in the same place you'd do the Hiemlich. He'll go down like a ton of bricks. It will be funny.

I know the bleeding hearts here will be all outraged but it will work. Once you do it a few times the threat alone should be enough. Thump uuumph wahhhhhh! Then he'll come to you after he stops blubbering and tell you he's sorry for being a terror.&gt;&gt;

Troll, I think you need to seek some psychiatric help for yourself. Kicking struggling parents who love their children when they are down is just plain sick. Get help. You need it.

~ Cathryn

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 18, 2014
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Posted:Mar 07, 2004 4:53:05 PM

yes the troll should have its own board. I AM A SICKO WITH NO LIFE.

:( must not have anythingelse to do sad really !

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 18, 2014
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Posted:Mar 07, 2004 10:59:00 PM

All these parents here have screwed up kids because the can't tell the difference between exuberance and disruption, Impulsivity and sponteniety, curiosity and innattentiveness.

These same parents will nor admit that they have awful parenting skill so immediately they chalk up bad behavior to some mystery illness.

You people are pathetic!

I would rather beat my child into compliance than drug him.

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 18, 2014
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Posted:Mar 07, 2004 11:06:16 PM

Quote "Megan's Mom":

The Trolls antics bore many of us at this point so a response isn't even entertained.

ignore the troll you say but you have responded. Maybe YOU are the troll!

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bunnyrabbit49082
Joined Mar 12, 2004
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Posted:Mar 12, 2004 9:10:25 AM
Subject:help????

my son has high functioning aspergers syndrome. between therapy, concerta, and a life saving book called what does it mean to me?
the book is written by catherine faherty. she is at the teacch center in ashville, nc. she tested my son and told me about it . you can call 828-251-6319 ext. 16.
they can answer any questions you have about aspergers. they have been a great help to me along with getting ahold of your school board and finding a "special ed" teacher that has dealt with aspergers. depending on how your child is they can help you.
plus, you can most likely get ssi with tests that show your son is aspergers and that will get you medical insurance to pay for therapy, dr.s, dentists and eye dr.s. trust me you need this help. it is a great relief to know that you have some help somewhere in life.
your therapist can hook you up with a lot more help and help you fight the school to make sure your son gets the education he deseves.

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jazz
Joined Mar 11, 2004
Posts: 4

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Posted:Mar 15, 2004 9:30:41 PM

:( Dear Desperate Mom, Hope you are still with us. I have a 5 year old son and he can be very trying at times. Some where a long time ago I read that children do very well out in the world (school or a friendshouse) but they save their worst behavior for home.

It's because we have taught them proper behavior and it sticks with them. They feel comfortable enough around mom to really let go and let their hair down. Your son may be trying to tell you that he's very frustrated about something. He may not be able to articulate what it is though.

I know it's hard to keep cool, because I have lost my temper once or twice :lol: Does your son have a favorite hobby or interest? Monster trucks, matchbox cars? I have had great success using a calender and rewards for good behavior. We sit down and deceide what small goal to work on, and then put stickers on the calendar for each day that he accomplishes that goal. At the end of the week, she would get a matchbox car or pick what to eat for dinner on Friday. Chinese, pizza, ets.

You can even break this down into much smaller segments, like if he can come in the door from school and say Hi nicely, then show you what's in his backpack and put it away. Next try having him play a game or watch tv till dinner. Reward him each time with a sticker. You can give him a reward for every 5 stickers, or what ever limit you deceide. But remenber he's only 5 and starting smaller will give him the feeling of success.

You may have to buy stickers and matchbox cars in bulk, but I'll bet he catches on pretty quick when he spaces on the calendar without stickers. The first prize he misses out on may sends into hysterics, but quietly explain that he can start again with the following goal. He's sure to get the idea soon.

Good luck to you. I hope things improve soon.

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Priscilla
Joined Aug 09, 2004
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Posted:Aug 10, 2004 1:17:19 PM
Subject:reponse

:wink: You need to talk to your doctor I believe there is some truth in the melt down that accures in young children after being good at school all day. It seem to me that you feel it's more then that so have your doctor evaluate and give you some sound advice. slapping the shit out of him isn't sound advice. I'm not against a spanking but this isn't going to work in this case it sounds like even the child doen't know why he's upset. Hang in there you love him and you'll find the answer if you keep you eye on the ball. Lot of luck Priscilla :D

Priscilla

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 18, 2014
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Posted:Sep 02, 2004 5:00:59 PM

I am just starting a new job in a public school. I work for a children's mental health organization and am reading up on children with learning disabilities and their frequent difficulties with social interations. I highly recommend you find the book The Difficult Child by Turecki and also look into Mel Levine's work. Some children to not respond to the usual discipline that we try to use. It may not be your parenting style and it may not be that your child is trying to upset you. He may not be able to help it.
Please do not listen to the person who said to slap your child. That won't solve anything.

Good luck.[/u]

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 18, 2014
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Posted:Sep 04, 2004 8:48:44 PM

Hi,
I think you should be very nice to your son. So you mean he is very mean at home? Maybe you should have a talk. Does he refuse to go to school? Does hey say I don't want to go to school every single day.... Bye
Bradley

Quote "desperate mom":

:cry: Iam at total wits end with my son.
He refuses to do anything for me. He is 5 with aspergers and is very bright and doing very well at school, but home is the problem.He is aggresive destructive and has selective hearing. He refuses to take no for an anwser and screams and yells no matter what time day or night. :cry: :( i really dont know what to do and am finding it hard to keep my cool. i have no help or support and life is a total nightmare. I have tried taking away toys and outings but he really doesnt get it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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