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Behavior: Social Skills, Self Esteem

step mother of a un-social teen


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Joined: Nov 03, 2005
Posts: 69138
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Posted Jun 01, 2004 at 4:48:01 PM
Subject: step mother of a un-social teen

I just got married, but we have been living together for 2 years now, but my husband's son is very unsocial. He is turning 17 this year, and in two years that we have been together, there has not been one phone call for him, he has not gone out with any friends, there are no neighborhood friends his age. He literally sits in his room on the computer all the time (if he is not working at McDonalds). He is a bright kid, smart, but once he starts talking to people, for instance if I have friends over he will just out of the blue begin to join in in our conversation, and begin and argument. He is ALWAYS right. I find this very irritating, because he is coming off "Rude", but he is not a rude kid. He just has no idea who to converse with people. I speak to his father about this, but his response is "he was like me when I was his age".

I guess I am so different from my husband’s family. I am a social butterfly. I used to model, loved traveling, and have a huge group of friends. I can't fathom the thought of not have one friends. Do you think this is strange or is it just me?

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 23, 2014
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Posted:Jun 02, 2004 6:02:09 AM

Today's kids can be very different from what used to be. I'm impressed that your stepson has a job. He has to be somewhat social at his job to be successful at it. He has to be getting along fairly well with his coworkers. People belittle working at McDonald's but they shouldn't. Many 17 year olds are not mature enough or responsibile enough to have jobs these days and it speaks well of your stepson that he is.

If he quickly embraces an argument with everybody in social conversation, that might be the reason he spends his other time alone. Does he seem unhappy? If he's not unhappy being alone, it's not likely to change.

If you want him to stop jumping in with an argument when your friends are over, tell him that. That's a different matter entirely. He may choose to spend his time alone but he shouldn't be allowed to choose to start arguments with your guests.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 23, 2014
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Posted:Jun 02, 2004 12:08:57 PM

Sara, thanks for your reply. I guess everyone is different, but I was reading a book by Mel Levine, A Mind At A time. Anyway, there was a section in that book that reminded me of my step son. I have no idea what happens when he leaves the house, how he communicates at school, or how he converses with people at work, because he does not talk to us. All I see is him in our environment. Here is an example of his lack of social etiquette. I took them to a company function; the President of my company came to us while we were sitting at a table, and asked how we were doing, if the kids were having fun. My step daughter who is 2 years younger had a smile on her face and politely said "yes, thank you", but my stepson had this disgusting look on his face, shrugged his shoulders and rudely said "Kinda boring'. Little did he know there was a helicopter about to come and take everyone for a ride.....

They lost their mother when they were very young, my stepson was 7 and stepdaughter was 5. He does not seem to be emotionally unstable, but I do see a little anger. Of course woman are different, we always want to find the route of all problems, and my husband thinks it is a teenage thing. They never had any couceling after their mother passed away. So, I just don't know what it is all about. His birthday is coming up, and he wants to go paintball. I told him to get a few friends together and to go, instead he has asked his dad to go with a couple of his dads friends. Is this normal??

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 23, 2014
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Posted:Jun 04, 2004 5:11:54 PM
Subject:teenagers

I guess everyone is different, but I was reading a book by Mel Levine, A Mind At A time.

It could be that your stepson has learning differences. Is he academically successful in school?

At his age, though, getting him to agree to being tested for learning differences and then getting him to accept some help or counseling can be near to impossible. Teenagers, ld or not, can be very difficult. Most people, including your company president, likely understand that. My own son when he was 16 started to talk and in a fairly loud voice during a wedding! They can bring new meaning to 'rude'. And they can be angry -sometimes for very valid reasons as the death of a parent and sometimes for nothing.

I do find it interesting that he prefers to do paintball with Dad's friends but as you said, he doesn't seem to have any of his own that he could ask to go along. Has that always been the case or is that new? Is he friendly with the people at work? And - is he possibly depressed???

Depressed people can be irritable and can avoid the company of others.
Just a thought-

Parenting my son through his teenage years has been an incredible, incredible challenge. When to step in, when to let them alone. what's normal, what's not, what to tolerate etc. etc.....
Good luck to you and your son.

They lost their mother when they were very young, my stepson was 7 and stepdaughter was 5. He does not seem to be emotionally unstable, but I do see a little anger. Of course woman are different, we always want to find the route of all problems, and my husband thinks it is a teenage thing. They never had any couceling after their mother passed away. So, I just don't know what it is all about. His birthday is coming up, and he wants to go paintball. I told him to get a few friends together and to go, instead he has asked his dad to go with a couple of his dads friends. Is this normal??[/quote]

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