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Behavior: Social Skills, Self Esteem

Executive Functioni


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Joined: Apr 22, 2004
Posts: 30
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Posted Jul 07, 2004 at 5:58:59 PM
Subject: Executive Functioni

After having NeuroPsych testing done on my 11yo bipolar son, it was determined that (among other things) he has Executive Function problems. One example of this is that he puts down the other children at school without realizing it. He will say things like "You aren't done with that yet? It's so eay." and then not understand why that is a put down, and the other child is so upset.

Does anyone have any familiarity with this, or know where I can go to get more information/help for him? We have tried talking to him and explaining it but he just doesn't get it. "Mom, I wasn't trying to be mean!" is what he says to me.

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Beth from FL
Joined Jun 15, 2003
Posts: 621

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Posted:Jul 09, 2004 10:43:59 AM

Have you asked him how he would feel if someone said that to him when he was struggling to do X (something hard for him)? I am not sure this is an aspect of excutive functioning as much as an inability to see things from another's perspective. He assumes that because his intentions were pure that others will not see him as being mean.

I would also tell him that other people do not necessarily know whether he is trying to be mean but must figure out what he intends by his words and tone of voice. He needs to understand that what he communicates may be different than his intention and that he needs to think how other people will interpret his words (maybe this is the executive functioning part).

My kids have all done this like this and it has taken tremendous repetition of the above to get it through their thick skulls. Only one of my children is LD. I think some kids are more intuitive but most can be taught.

Beth

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cobswife
Joined Apr 22, 2004
Posts: 30

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Posted:Jul 09, 2004 5:36:29 PM

We have tried talking to him about how he would feel. He just says "I wouldn't feel bad." I think that is part of the problem. He tends to just blow things off. He doesn't get embarrased, and the only thing that gets under his skin is when kids are physically mean to him or call him bad names.

The testing results state it as an "isolation" from the world. Not that he doesn't have friends, just that he doesn't see things the way the rest of us do. We have tried for years to get him to stop and think about what his going to say and how people may take it before he says it.

He is a friendly, outgoing kid. I don't think this is a result of his LD (grapho-moto issues), more likely of his bipolar syndrome. We are just concerned that the farther he gets in school, the more this is going to affect him socially. He has a fragile self-esteem as it is, so we are trying to find ways to help him while he still has friends.

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Beth from FL
Joined Jun 15, 2003
Posts: 621

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Posted:Jul 09, 2004 9:17:24 PM

He does sound like a tough cookie. Does he care if other kids like him? Maybe if he can't think the way they do then he can change his behavior just because it offends others. Have you tried explaining to him that other people aren't as tough as he is....and that they might get their feelings hurt, even if he doesn't? Or doesn't he care>

He sounds a bit stubborn....but maybe he truly can't help it. You certainly know better than I.

Beth

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Anonymous
Joined Jul 30, 2014
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Posted:Jul 10, 2004 10:59:43 PM

Yeah, we have talked to him about how others are going to see him. In a way he doesn't care if they like him, but for the most part he does. He really wants to be liked. We have had other problems related to that, but we have taken care of those.

We are also working with his Psychiatrist on it. Hopefully he can come up with something that we haven't thought of yet.

I know he doesn't mean to be mean. He just doesn't seem to have a filter that things need to go through before they come out his mouth.

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cobswife
Joined Apr 22, 2004
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Posted:Jul 10, 2004 11:02:21 PM

Sorry, that last posting was mine. Forgot to sign in.

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kristin
Joined Sep 18, 2004
Posts: 39

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Posted:Nov 23, 2005 11:34:26 PM

I hope all is going well with your child....It was awhile since this was posted.

From personal experience, IMO, I would be concerned about his ability to feel for others...empathy/sympathy. If a child does not learn to take others feelings into consideration, they could eventually really hurt another person.

Where does he (or you) draw the line? Is it okay to say something hurtful unintentionally...yeah....a couple times. He might say the wrong thing to the wrong person and end up getting hurt. It is something to think about....Middle school and high school can be rough. Children can be cruel intentionally. If he is unable to realize the impact of his words, you might talk to a therapist or psych about how to teach this skill.

Good luck

Kristin

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