I've posted a topic with the same contents before but I'm bothered by how I am. To me, I have this impression that when I've found someone that understands me, I will tell that person everything and when im hanging out with a big group, I dont talk at all. I want to talk with everyone and let them know more about me but then I realized that it's probably because I dont understand Japanese very well like my Japanese friends. I'm Japanese but I was born in HK, grew up in Singapore, and now I live in Thailand with my fam. I'm currently studying in Japan at the university here.
Back to what I was saying. When my friends start talking about things I dont know about Japan, I just say nothing and listen. I have thought many times about asking them to explain what they're talking about or the word of a meaning but that means that im slowing them down from their conversation and I feel bad. Then again, if I dont ask, I wouldnt know what the meaning of a word means or what they're talking about. It's either I choose not to know what it means or I ask what it does mean right???
I wanna announce to all the Christians out there that I have been baptized on July 30, 2005 at my Church with my brothers and sisters and I want everyone to know how blessed and happy I am. There's just one problem. When im with my guardians or with my fam or ppl I trust, Im able to express my emotions. The weird thing is, I'm so emotional when im alone at my dorm you know but the real me wants to cry and express my real feelings. When my bros and sis' were baptized, everyone at Church sang songs to us while we stood and faced the crowd and my friend was there crying. I felt the exact same way as she did and wanted to cry, too but cant. Hanging out with my friends at church makes me feel that I cant show my weak side of me that I need help like everyone else.
I was talking to a friend of mine earlier on msn and the minute she said "look at your id" and "but still it's great to hear that u're shedding ur tears from the joy of Christ" and tears were running down my eyes. I want everyone to see this. Is there anyway I can show tears of joy??