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Parenting a Child with LD or ADHD

ADHD and my 9 yr old son.


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Joined: Jan 31, 2007
Posts: 2
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Posted Jan 31, 2007 at 1:12:13 PM
Subject: ADHD and my 9 yr old son.

Does anyone have any advise for me on how to deal with my son and his ADHD? He's been showing signs of depression and I'm having difficulty getting him to go to school. He complains about pains (stomach or leg) that I know that he's making up. I'm still new at this, and I want to be there for my son. Thanks!

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KHJ
Joined Feb 06, 2007
Posts: 1

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Posted:Feb 06, 2007 11:18:27 PM

Sounds much like my 9 year old son...we are very patient with him and try not to get anxious and upset. We currently treat him with Concerta however I am strongly considering taking him off and using OMEGA 3 and flaxseed oil. He has very bad insomnia. My son was also diagnosed with mild depression/mild ADHD and we have tried to address that by spending more time with just him (he has older sibling and younger sibling). What also makes it difficult at times is that our son has been labled "gifted". He's very quick to see through us if he feels he is being patronized or "handled". WE do have rules that we are very consistent about tso that we don't have to get into debates...one of them is that you are going to school and you are going to be no later than 8:30pm. You have to stay consistent.

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scifinut
Joined Jul 11, 2005
Posts: 550

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Posted:Feb 07, 2007 9:12:56 AM

Its very common for ADHD kids to develop depression. If he is being treated with a stimulant, it could be from the side-effect of his med. If he isn't taking medication it can be from the frustration he feels in not being able to control himself and constantly getting in trouble. The aches and pains may not be imaginary. Depression can cause physical symptoms such as aching joints, stomach pain, etc.

Therapy could be very helpful for him at this point. You could also try supplements such as Omega 3's which can help depression. If he is having trouble sleeping, Melatonin can help with sleep.

scifinut mom to: ms 16, bp/adhd/anxiety/complex ld mr. 20, add/dyslexic I hear and I forget I see and I remember I do and I understand. -Anonymous

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shygrl76
Joined Feb 22, 2009
Posts: 2

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Posted:Feb 22, 2009 8:08:30 AM

im going through the same thing with my son.he walks round here thinking we dont care or love him, but i love that lil boy so much. the other day i told him i loved him and he ask me do u really. ibroke my heart.

karen

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Mandi
Joined May 05, 2008
Posts: 424

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Posted:Feb 23, 2009 10:25:48 PM

Ahhh Good advice! Don't get over excited about it! The calmer you stay, the calmer he will slowly get.... It won't be easy. As for ADHD.... I don't think that is what they say it is.... But i relaly dunno for sure. Something is likely going on with your kid. But, maybe it is more than just ADHD? Just a thought....

I would personally not put him on any medication. His brain is still developing and the long term effects of these drugs have been shown to cause some rather severe damage. Also, only a little is known about the long term effects. Get to the bottom of what is going on. And stay calm. Maybe, take a couple of days off and go spy on the situation? Because, it sounds to me, like there might be more there almost as if he were actually afraid of something. Aches and pains are not just a symptom of depression in kids it can (though it isn't always) a symptom of terror also. So the question is lets say he does have ADHD, what is it that is scaring him? Lets say ADHD is a myth, what is it that is scaring him? If these are his only symptoms of ADHD i would sue my shrink and get several other opinions. Good luck getting to the bottom of it.

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Mandi
Joined May 05, 2008
Posts: 424

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Posted:Feb 23, 2009 10:35:18 PM

I was just such a child. They are not stupid, they see they are treated differently. And you can tell them you love them till you are blue in the face. But, you aren't *showing* them. By protecting them from the people trying to help them. I realize why parents let these psuedo scientists torture their kids but you all need to realize, the process and everything involved from a child perspective it is grueling and torturous and laborious. And in the end all they hear is that they are less than others. And how can anyone love what is less than? They hear they are defective not that they are lovable. They are not treated like living breathing human beings. The experts treat children like the one i used to be like laboratory experiments. At 12 i used to read papers written by the experts literally comparing my intelligence as a person with ADHD to a dog. There are people putting them through hell then speaking over their heads or atleast trying to. The problem is that children with ADHD are often too smart to stay focused. They get a basic idea too fast to stay with it for long it becomes boring. And they are humans not lab rats, so these things hurt... alot...

I have always felt, if they can diagnose ADHD based on all these bad qualities that are rather alledgedly uniquely ADHD, well everything has good and bad sides so why not look for the *positive* symptoms of ADHD. Like super creative quick minds. Instead of looking for the negative. Perhaps diagnosing the positive behaviors and praising them and then creating a program that is unique to their mind would go further than telling them that they are defective? Maybe then they would feel special and loved rather than useless stupid and unlovable. Show them you love them. Don't just say it. Because far too often they are shown through grueling annoying testing that is very hard on them just how different they are. The qualities that are negative are far too frequently focused on and harped on till they think there is nothing worthwhile in themselves and simply saying that there is, can't compare to reports etc written by the experts that pretty much over analyse everything about them till who they are gets lost over dramatized or misinterpreted till there is nothing left of them in these reports yet it is their name attached... It takes more than just words, to make them believe. And it is critical that they do believe... So critical...

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annette10dance
Joined May 13, 2008
Posts: 91

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Posted:Feb 28, 2009 2:27:15 PM

I think aches and pains are more anxiety related than depression. My son had anxiety related issues that took a long time to overcome.

We all have some amount of anxiety or tension. This is normal.

What I know about psychiatric disorders is that if it interferes with work, school, family or social factors, then it's time to consider further research. Anxiety can be debililating. For example, if anxiety reaches the point where he doesn't want to go to school, or have friends or go out, then it's time to seek professional help.

I think it's okay to let this go for a while and see how things go. His aches and pains are his coping method for stress right now. Warning signs would be any talk or discussion about suicide or homicide. That's when interventions would be immediate and necessary. Let us know how things go.

Annette

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Mandi
Joined May 05, 2008
Posts: 424

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Posted:Mar 04, 2009 8:35:07 PM

Actually, shockingly enough i am in complete total and utter agreement with Annet10dance. She is right on the money. We all release tension and anxiety, (which is quite fear based) in different ways. Aches and pains are hardly unheard of. I feel bad your son is suffering from depression and i am sorry he is having pains. But don't make much of it. Because when you put the focus on it, your son will put the focus on it. Then it will become a major issue if it isn't already. You might want to ask about school. Teachers and kids etc see if there is more going on. Just, don't correlate the discussions to find out if something else is up (just in case it is) with the aches and pains. Because then the focus is the aches and pains.... Sooo just kinda, figure it out....

As i said i agreed. If your child begins talking about doing serious damage to himself, or to another, seek help. Just keep in mind, often the way these things are dealt with and the pain in tthe butt it can become for kids when they say something like that and open up and share their deepest secret thoughts or feelings,can really stink. Adults, far too commonly with the best of intentions betray their trust. You tell them "tell me everything you aren't alone i will always love you and care for you" But then, they tell you something painful for them and pain itself is punishing enough. And then you go and you freak out about their thoughts and feelings which they didn't have to share with you to begin with, but they did trusting you to show them some understanding and compassion. So it then becomes quite a punishment when one over reacts. For example, a kid says "I have aches and pains i hate school. Sometimes i think about killing myself." Call your therapist for an out patient relatively soon. Keep your kid home till the appointment and let him rest. Go a little easy on your kid for a bit too, remind your child life isn't *all* suffering which is really how it can seem to kids with LD. Let your child spend some more time doing what they love or neglecting what they don't like without being punished for it. Because when they trust you like that they need to see that you trust them. Let them know that if things get too hard that they can be adjusted for him so he will be happy without being some sort of failure in your eyes or in anyone else's. I would say though if your kid says something like that calling the hospital and checking your kid in is a bit of an over reaction in my opinion atleast. Which is unprofessional may i add. But i hear from friends who have been there that those places are super boring and you don't want to turn dealing with such issues into a punishment. Otherwise he will just feel punished all the time. I would guess that is already half the problem as to why he is depressed anyway. If he actually takes some concrete action to do damage to himself or to others, that is when the time comes to bring your kid in for some out of home treatment in a hospital because then, it has gone beyond a secret thought and beyond words. It has become an act and a dangerous act and you must protect him. Just remind him before he takes any action that there are things in life worth living for too. Infact, i always find that more worthwhile than a trip to some shrink that makes me feel abnormal instead of simply getting a rtaste of something fun pleasant that i really enjoy that for whatever reason really lights up my life. When i was a kid that was horseback riding. And music.... And ancient mythologies. Maybe take your child to some special places and do some things where his natural talents really help him with the challenge or activity/ies so whatever it is really makes him want to live to do whatever it is again. As op-posed to a stuffy shrinks office where a mildly abnormal already depressed and overly punished kid who has to spend all day in a place where he is viewed as "other" has to sit there with some out of touch "expert" trying to invade their private thoughts and feelings and making them feel punished to even have to deal with it or focus on that kind of pain at such a young age. Because that only cements the depression in deeper as it then becomes this reminder that there is something wrong with him for him. If he has ADHD he is a smart enough kid he understands everything regardless of what they say about him. Maybe if you told them all to shut up a bit more and just let your kid be who he is rather than viewing his uniqueness as a disease and insisting others do the same you would find a far happier child? But i dunno for sure... And i am not saying that if your kid says that you don't take them atleast 1 time to the therapist, just really watch out for over kill in that department. But no you can not ignore such statements.

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