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Behavior: Social Skills, Self Esteem

child being bullied at school


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Joined: Feb 06, 2007
Posts: 1
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Posted Feb 06, 2007 at 6:03:44 PM
Subject: child being bullied at school

My 13 yr old son has oral/verbal dyspraxia, he recently had to transfer to new school. New school has a real bully that does not bully my son but does 2 other boys. My son naturally wants to defend the 2 boys being bullied and has asked me what I think he should do? I of course would like to whip the bully myself but that is not how things are done........I could really use some advise on how to advise him of what to do. He has mentioned these boys being bullied many times since starting at this school Jan.3, 2007. Today he blocked the bullies kick to one of the boys. I have a feeling this will most likely only get worse if some sort of intervention is not done, it is bound to escalate to violence in the form of retaliation against the bully by my son in defense of the 2 boys. Please give any suggestions, advise, opinions that any of you may have parent or child. Really need the help.

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geodob
Joined Feb 06, 2005
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Posted:Feb 07, 2007 5:48:57 AM

Is their any chance that you could contact the other 2 boys parents, and then go and see the principal, all together?

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Goodysbaby
Joined Nov 03, 2004
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Posted:Feb 16, 2007 1:21:38 PM

What is the school's policy in the student handbook say on bulling? There should be a laid out plan on who the first contact should be whether the teacher or the counselor. If not I would contact the guidance counselor for their advice and put a bug in their ear so this child can be watched by the staff.

For the most part support staff are more visible in halls and community places to be aware of these situations.

Good Luck! I hope this helps your son.

Shel

Shel If your not kicking hard enough your not making waves!

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Wonderwoman
Joined Mar 13, 2007
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Posted:Mar 13, 2007 10:48:29 PM

Bullying is no longer tolerated by any administration, go to the higher ups if the school does not want to intervene, I bet something gets done real quick. If your son continues getting involved I am afraid it could become a problem for him, he might kick the other kids butt, but will wind up getting in more trouble then the bully.

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magic07
Joined Apr 17, 2007
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Posted:Apr 17, 2007 10:24:21 PM

I agree. Get the attention of the parents and the school administration. Anyway, I am touched by your son's camaraderie.

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magic07
Drug Rehabilitation --Learn more about drug rehabilitation options

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g00db0y
Joined Jan 03, 2008
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Posted:Jan 03, 2008 5:16:32 AM

I totally agree with Wonderwoman. Bullying can not be tolerated.
I had the same situation before with my 6 years old daugther. She just cannot handle seeing her friend being bullied at school. But suggesting her to hit back the bully also not a good idea.
At that time I had not idea how to tell a 6 years to handle that kind of situation untill I found a book (Solving The Bullying Problem)
that discussing this matter.

[Modified by: g00db0y on January 03, 2008 05:30 AM]

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Beautifulxpoetry
Joined Sep 27, 2008
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Posted:Sep 27, 2008 9:55:57 PM

tell your son to tell a teacher and if that doesnt do anything call the principal and tell them whats going on. i used to be bullied for years and thats how my mom handled it. most of the time it worked like 90% of the times. and eventually the bully moves on to someone else or stops. at least it will leave the two boys and maybe stop doing it infront of your son so the bully doesnt aim at your son if he gets in the way.

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Mandi
Joined May 05, 2008
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Posted:Nov 23, 2008 11:29:29 PM

Yeh, bullying was never my problem, But i knew kids who got nailed.... I never had it in me to sit there and just watch. Would have my life easier, except for the upchuck reflex that would have kicked in every time i had to look in the mirror....

Bullying needs to stop. It is really dangerous on a trillion levels for a billion reasons. And lately, it seems not just to those directly involved ie bully or bullied. It is actually causing damage to those who don't know anything at all about it these days.... It is a serious issue, and it requires some sort of serious hmmmm response from parents of all children and from the school. The problem is, being a bitch, is part of being a teenager that goes for both genders courtesy of hormones and their developing brains. But letting them do whatever they like to eachother and treat eachother however they like in schools is not really cool, we don't let those with mental problems, do whatever they like in the hospitals. Nopes! We take away even their knitting needles.... We restrict the videos we permit them to watch even. (Seriously, they are like limited to Jim Carrey films if they wen't mentally ill when they went in they sure are when they get out.) Those movies will make anyone mentally ill...

Your son, should tell a teacher or some other adult school staff member. But, i would also advise him to pick his timing for that carefully. Kids suck. The stuff i have seen if someone runs to tell in the moment, they get it even worse.... I never minded taking it when it came from taking the time to put some jerk in their place because it was a passing thing and cuz it was directly related to pretty much me peeing on them because i didn't like that they were peeing on someone else. Because being learning disabled ina way it isn't really noticeable, i always kept in mind it could just as easily be me. And i also knew for that reason the poor kid getting bullied had feelings which is often forgotten by bitchy kids who instead focus on some silly little mannerism or disability or difference. I think being an AHD (Ass Hole Disorder) should be a considered an LD and they shouold have their own private lil school where they can treat eachother like crap away from civilized society.

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kguzman
Joined Mar 04, 2009
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Posted:Mar 04, 2009 5:04:33 AM

Maybe you should try to explain to your son that he should not bully them back. Fighting back just satisfies a bully and it's dangerous, too, because someone could get hurt. He's also likely to get in trouble. If the boys from his school continues to bully, maybe you should talk to their teacher or the principal.

By the way, try to visit the link http://kidshealth.org/kid/grow/school_stuff/bullies.html -- dealing with bullies. Hope it helps!


Guzman, Kara
Bachelor of Elementary Education Major in Special Education
University of Santo Tomas

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marijorobles
Joined Mar 07, 2009
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Posted:Mar 07, 2009 9:17:06 AM

Just want to reply. Because I understand what it felt to be bullied. As far as I understand it according to what you said. The child was not the one who are being bullied but your child just want to help the two boys who are being bullied. I think theres no wrong in helping the two children but tell to your son that it is dangerous for him if he will fight back. I know that there's no wrong in helping but I think it is better if you will just report it to the teacher or even to the principal, because they are in the position to talk to the kids and I think by that we can lessen the violence... That was just my opinion because of the movie I watched entitled "Pay it forward"

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Mandi
Joined May 05, 2008
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Posted:Mar 07, 2009 9:33:46 PM

If only the real world were a movie..... No one could ever be hurt by bullies. All the bruises would be makeup.... But they aren't. And complaining to authority quite honestly typically does little and violence is not ever a solution. The best you can do is make sure your kid documents it all with video or photos so that when you do complain you can go in armed and appeal to public idealism and disgust if they choose to ignore hard evidence of the problem. We don't live in a hollywood movie and bullies don't leave a little mark of eyeshadow on the spot on your body that they violently asault. So good luck.

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patricia
Joined Mar 14, 2009
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Posted:Mar 14, 2009 1:39:50 PM

this scene's all too familiar. it happened way back to my little brother. what my mom did was to contact the other boys' mothers and went to their supervising teacher. Still, the bullying went on. The second time around, they went straight to the principal and the bully's mother. Then did everything stopped.

Just want to share a "bullying incident." The bully which I was talking about kinda scratched my bro's face. It left two red marks. My brother then acted out as if he was going to punch back.. And you know what the bully did? He ran away as fast as he can.

I'm not saying I tolerate what my brother did. What I mean is that bullies (most of them) are just trying to FEIN their bad boy image to scare away other children.

Ma. Patricia V. Almonte University of Santo Tomas College of Education

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Mandi
Joined May 05, 2008
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Posted:Mar 24, 2009 2:08:19 PM

Idiot goth? As a person living a gothic lifestyle, after years of simply being who and what i am, i have come to discover there seem to be 2 types of goths in this world.

1. The super creative sort that often have different religious affiliations and a different philosophical take as well as a strong pull towards the arts and again creativity. That would be me. We also tend to have a history marred with some problems, that we either grow from and draw strength from while being saddened by it at the same time.

2. The completely disturbed clinically insane crazy type. Such as the trench coat mafia. No ADHD has never caused anyone to go crazy in a school. The drugs for it however may just have contributed. Something far more serious was also wrong and busted inside those lunatics. This would be the bully type. And i would point out, they are in the middle of some pretty serious problems and they won't ever recover from those problems. What is worse, they are trying so desperately to draw attention to themselves with their elaborate costumes. They want the problems seen and treated.And so, they take out their frusteration on others and their cruelty and self hatred as well. And it is really really sad. Most of these kids, are invisible. Or atleast they feel like they are. Doesn't much matter what they do.... No one notices... No one stops to look inside them to find and fix that broken thing. Usually their grades are not horrible so no one pays any attention.

The reason i point this out is becaus, both types of goths seem to be very sensitive and very wounded people. But again there is one type that stops their own bleeding with their creativity and self awareness and mourns having to do so. While the other type, self combusts all over others.

Maybe someone should have a chat with that kid's wealthy family. Money isn't everything. Take it from me. There are so many components to families and to life and to living. Money isn't equal to every answer and every solution or to happiness. And people don't earn that kind of money, spending time with their deeply wounded and clearly psychologically damaged children. And they don't maintain that kind of money while effectively treating the kind of internal wounds such a child has, as such treatments are long term and costly. It might be prudent rather than being pleased that some poor wounded kid got the crap kicked out of him, to feel sad instead, that that was what was necesary for that child to feel that anyone cared or was even paying attention to him. And when you look at it that way, perhaps, there is a better strategy than physical violence that can be encouraged or employed when dealing with this kid, who i must agree based on this story clearly had it coming.

People who lash out, lash out because they can't keep their own pain in. That doesn't make it ok or alrright or to be tolerated. It also doesn't make it acceptable in school or anywhere. What it means is, while everyone is going gaga hyper about made up LDs such as ADHD, there are others out there who are far more severely screwed up and in need of help that no one is reaching out to because that would actually take work as something is actually wrong with those kids, as opposed to those with ADHD for example. Schools need to do more *for* the bullies. Not just punish them or remove them, but these kids will eventually be turned loose one way or another on society at some point,. They need to be properly treated. Because their problems are so severe often they exhibit violent behavior. A little fidgeting in the classroom when compared to the physically violent running the halls of the school and no one is doing a damn thing about it... That is perplexing and troubling...

I am sorry your nephew had problems with a goth kid,. But not all goths are idiots. We tend to be just as human as anyone else. Perhaps your nephew's parents should make the goth's parents aware of the kid's behavior issues? perhaps then some sort of help will be forthcoming for him? Because a punch is hardly the treatment he needs though it may solve your nephew's problem with him.

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Mandi
Joined May 05, 2008
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Posted:Apr 02, 2009 9:32:56 AM

well, uhhh, not really.... as to going out of their way to be anti social. Someone with LD should know sometimes it isn't what someone thinks it is but rather a difference of priority. Some goths, find arts and crafts and expression through a whole host of different mediums to be.... Somehow more fulfilling. Some of us prefer our arts to other people because people don't tend to understand a priority difference. Or a person with a difference of life's priorities. And they view them as weird and negative and whiny and whatever and they don't see what is actually there. The human under the dark clothing. The one that is connecting to others through their own methodology in their own way. As someone with an LD, i would assume you of all people might understand that kind of a difference... And how it can be so easily misinterpreted. Some of us are very social. Not me. I hate people. I tend to think people are totally retarded because the human mind tends to be so small in that it misinterprets so much and makes so much truth out of what isn't infact an accurate perspective of something that they for what ever reason have trouble wrapping their mind around because it is so different in direction from the direction their mind wants to go. I am not special at all. I am just a human being. Like everyone else. With my own sense of fashion and my own sense of well, everything... I am sure i would like your nephew alot. I tend to really love kids. Goths clothing and out look is frequently just that, of a bleeding heart for others. Black is just the statement of mourning they make for the pain the whole world feels. I don't see how you can call that self absorbed but again a difference of opinion or priority or perspective is well.... totally hmmm... Interesting... Atleast to me. Where as most call those differences disabilities.

It's not inspite of a myriad of problems that he will grow up to be succesful. It is because of the strong roll models like you, that he has to look up to and to learn from. He is not a sum of his disabilities. He is himself. And part of that self comes from all that you teach him and the strength he learns from you.

I don't tend to whine. That is what i have arts for and a sewing machine and alot of various black materials. My whining is expressed in other ways most of the time. I think you are mixing up with the more terrifying movement of 'emo' with goth.

I don't think goths are causeless... And you are confusing punks and goths. And i am sure your cause may not be their cause however for them their cause is just as relevant as any cause you have ever had, for yourself. I don't think boots in asses solves anything myself.

Gothism has nothin to do with maturity or lack there of. It is a statement and a life style. I know plenty of goths that are actually amazing parents. Emo kiddies may need to grow up and out of the fad. Because it isn't real it is just a show they put on. But those who are really very goth don't even always dress goth... As for my hair coloring... You can go bite yourself on that one. Again, the perspective that *everything* is an art is hardly unhealthy.... That would include hair. Though at the moment my hair is it's natural color. A very dark brown.

Many of the greatest changes and growths of perspective and humanity in the world have been inspired by creative statements. Goth's have a cause and a clue. You think they don't realize that fact? You think we don't know that the creative statements that are made impact others and change the world for the better or the worse? Ofcourse we know that. Infact we count on it. And wouldn't a world without buullies be a more beautiful world for all of us? Painting a single picture doesn't change it. But a great deal of well put expression through creative means does open eyes... Goths are just like hippies only in darker clothes.
Peace!

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Mandi
Joined May 05, 2008
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Posted:Apr 16, 2009 8:20:36 AM

And you complain about others being bullies? You don't think declaring whole groups of people idiots is at all bullying? Yeh right. Real winning position.

And uhm, not all goths dress like goths. I don't always. It is what i am most comfortable in. And i haven't dyed my hair in years just can't be bothered. There are plenty of goths that have caused people to wake up a little bit.

And it isn't about sticking out. It is about being who you are and not being ashamed of it. You don't think preps look ridiculous? What bell bottom jeans aren't visually assinine? Come on... wake up! All fashion is ridiculous. But it is an innate piece of human identitty. And i would argue bell bottom are far more clownish than a simple long black gothy dress. Geez.... It's not like i am covered in tattoos, just 1. Small. Easily covered. But i have seen truck drivers in blue jeans with 90% of their bodies covered in tats. But no one says they look rediculous. Because they wear rediculous looking jeans in my opinion and really what is with those wife beater shirts??? etc.... And jocks wear their sports uniforms. And what they are not dressed up playing pretend i am mickey mantle! But that isn't rediculous? Right... Your take on rediculous is rediculous.

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duckyboy1975
Joined Sep 18, 2009
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Posted:Sep 18, 2009 3:00:33 PM

I think Testaclese is in here just to start verbal fights. Don't take the bait.

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Mandi
Joined May 05, 2008
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Posted:Sep 19, 2009 7:35:45 AM

Ehhh well, maybe he is. I can't speak for another person's intentions. But i am not worried about it. Little scares me anymore. Probably because i have been through so much. I have found, it is better to let people do what they need to do to make themselves feel better. To expend whatever toxicity they have internalized. I understand completely how it can be internalzed. It's part of why i wear gothic clothing. It reminds me, i am empty now. Nothing but what i allow to fill my mind my heart and my life can. It is also, a way of mourning for the child that i lost to all this ADHD rubbish. Not everyone finds a way to cope with the pain. Some need to argue it out of their systems and keep problems alive for themselves. There are some problems that even i do that with. I understand it perfectly. i have just learned to pick my battles. Example, medicating children for ADHD. Defending whole groups of people from the assault of one closed mind. I would have spoken up had he said something like that about all hippies or all blacks or all whites or all dogs or all cats.

I am a big girl, ok well not really. Physically i m kinda tiny and little (Some of my friends call me keebler after the elves.)but in every way that matters i am a grown up, i can handle it. i have been through alot. I have learned to recognize and have patience and compassion and understanding for others that have been through it all too. If Testaclese needs to butt heads with someone a bit to detox the crap out of his system, i am happy to donate a little of my time and energy to helping him get rid of all the rubbish he has internalized. Because, it could just have easily have happened to me.

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Mandi
Joined May 05, 2008
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Posted:Sep 27, 2009 3:35:19 AM

I think yu nd to learn th difference between goths and emo kids. Bcause if yua re talking abuot emo kids which yuo actually are with what yuo are saying not infact abuot goths.Wll if you understod both subculturs i think yuo would come to understnd theres massive differences and you would see the nes who drive you nuts are not even goths. They are emos. And they drive even themselves nutz.

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Testaclese
Joined Oct 25, 2014
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Posted:Nov 23, 2009 12:53:11 AM

There is a very simple and effective solution for bullying and that is to beat the crap out of the bully.

Violence is not always a bad thing.

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Mandi
Joined May 05, 2008
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Posted:Nov 23, 2009 3:13:31 PM

I understand the sentiment there are times i would probably hit someone if i allowed my impulses to control my actions. Injustice bites. Especially when it is being visited on someone smaller and weaker or brought up better than to initiate violence.

Teaching children to respond with violence to violence is a huge piece of america's problem though right now. This mentality of attack back or even attack back before they get you because sooner or later they might... It has gotten us in one illegal war and your solution to bullying is to teach children to respond with violence? No.

There is nothing simple about violence or who gets to do it to who and who decides what constitutes bullying and who brings a knife then to retaliate and then who brings a gun to retaliate against the retaliation. The last thing we need to do is to encourage our children to use violence against eachother no matter what happens to them unless they are literally being beaten to death in such cases in the moment of the beating i think it is totally justified to defend yourself. But to tell a kid to turn around and attack the bully at some point... that is ridiculous. It doesn't solve the problem it compouds the problem both in the case of this particular situation and in a large way that is it effects the whole of society. Already our culture is too violent that is the problem to begin with.

Violence is always a bad thing. If it is used against you believe me it sux. If you are forced to use it against others causing them damage for your own survival, believe me it still sucks. No decent person wants to hurt anyone. Needing to turn to violence to acheive your goal or to meet your personal human needs also sux just think what your life must be like to force you to that extreme. Violence is never a solution or an answer. And i promise you, it is not the least bit effective nor simple.

What needs to happen is we need to arm our children with devices and tools such as cell phones with video and cameras so that they can photograph and record these things gather the evidence so that then proper procedure can happen and the one initiating the violence can be dealt with in a meaningful way punished and separated from society till they learn to interact within it without using violence. I think more legal action through the city is a better system than having multitudes of chats with the principal and getting nowhere or with the teacher. If my kid were beaten up in school i would have a cop attend the meeting with the principal with me where i tell the principal they have 1 chance to stop this or i will sue them personally for not protecting my child at school and that the bullies have 1 chance to stop it or this nice copper sitting next to me will haul them all off to juvie where they belong. And i will make sure this sit down includes the bully's parents and if possible the bullies themselves as a littler terror of oh prison can be helpful with thugs but physical violence is never the answer.

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Mandi
Joined May 05, 2008
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Posted:Nov 23, 2009 3:15:20 PM

Oh the irony a woman with ADHD talking about impulse control and having rather good impulse control.... Kinda funny actually...

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