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Behavior: Social Skills, Self Esteem

Meeting the right girl


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Joined: Apr 24, 2008
Posts: 2
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Posted Apr 24, 2008 at 5:07:39 PM
Subject: Meeting the right girl

We have tried various social skills groups and private schools in order that our 19 year old son can "meet the right girl" as he puts it.
I feel like there could be some kind of national network (almost like an eharmony for LD and Asperger's kids).
Does anyone have any ideas?

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scifinut
Joined Jul 11, 2005
Posts: 550

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Posted:Apr 24, 2008 11:38:15 PM

I wouldn't push it. He should continue to do activities with other singles but he has many years ahead of him. There are lots of groups now for singles that could be a way for him to meet other people, make friends and hopefully find a life partner. However, at 19 he should be more focused on establishing himself in the world - continue his education, work, live on his own, etc.

scifinut mom to: ms 16, bp/adhd/anxiety/complex ld mr. 20, add/dyslexic I hear and I forget I see and I remember I do and I understand. -Anonymous

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Louise
Joined Jul 10, 2008
Posts: 12

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Posted:Jul 10, 2008 9:30:54 AM

I really don't no how you can push these things other then make sure he still has some sociable activities were he will meet available people. I really struggled with starting a relationship (I was absolutely petrified) but not rushing into things worked best. I was actually 24 before I had my first boyfriend. I think there has to be something said for just going with the flow ;o)

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Mandi
Joined May 05, 2008
Posts: 424

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Posted:Jul 16, 2008 10:45:23 AM

28 on july 17th adhd diagnosis, and dyslexic. I just got married saturday. I am very happy. At 19 your son should be thinking about university and studies and things that require a group which offer opportunities to meet people. Why push this at such a young age?

Better to be ready to meet the right person. No reason he should find someone even with LD like he has. My husband holds a PHD in theoretical physics and has not been diagnosed with anything. We are super happy together.

I was actually 19 when i first had sex.... Had started dating at 14.... And i am allegedly socially retarded though no one i know would say so except the shrinks making a fortune off the drug companies. They may note i miss the odd visual social cue that someone else would have noticed but that is rather rare.... I was old for sexual activity by personal choice and preference. Not because i was too immature... But because i hadn't met anyone at that point i felt quite that way about. And now i am someone's wife... Wow.... That is weird to say it is sooo new! But don't gear your son's whole life towards living within the confines of his LD instead teach him to surpass it and reach beyond it and to make connections with other people that have no labels as well as with those that have.

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Beautifulxpoetry
Joined Sep 27, 2008
Posts: 11

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Posted:Sep 27, 2008 9:49:15 PM

try disability dating sites. im on regular dating sites but ive met a few people who respect me as a normal human being even having a learning disability which is good. i know a few good dating sites. dating sites arent all that bad actually. some people meet others differently. im not one to go up to a guy or go out to a group thing. its not me.

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Mandi
Joined May 05, 2008
Posts: 424

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Posted:Nov 24, 2008 1:50:41 AM

Agreed, different people are comfy with different things. Me and my husband met while we were both traveling due to a mutual (and embarrassing) interest. We met the first time when actually, crap.... I *WAS* 19. He was 22. And hahahaha I was involved and traveling with someone else. Anyway got to be good friends it was odd... I was in this part of the world i had been to once before and i ran into him twice on that second trip.... 1 time in Finland ina book store. We had a small tiff he took the last copy of a book i wanted right as i was reaching for it and jumping up and down for it and he saw me so he thought he would just buy it if i wanted it so badly as to look like an idiot over it it must be good. And a week later at a party related to a mutual interest. What is weirder, is the first time i was in finland, I actually met his brother.... I didn't know that though till the first time he took me home to meet his parents and we werent a couple and involved romanticaly till, i was 23. Which means i was 25 when i met his parents. (it's hard when lots of distance is involved) His brother was home. He almost fell over when he saw me! hahaha. Poor guy... Sweet one too. Dealt with a problem i had at a pub in lapland when i was 18 and alone traveling out there. Some big scary drunk guy was a bit too all over me and i had no idea who he was and i tried and tried to be polite and he was drunk.... And my now husband's brother.... actually finally hit the guy when he really got rude and i don't mean verbally rude i mean grabby and perverted and already told in no uncertain terms nicely and not nicely, in english finnish, german and swedish to back off. And sooo my now brother in law finally decked him. But back then, i was just a stranger some weird american tourist in lapland that had been kind enough to accept when he offered to buy me a drink, and nice enough to help him with something he was still working on from work earlier that had some english stuff in it he was having a small grammatical issue with. And then he translated alot of old music into english for me because my finnish is decent now, but back then it was not so fabulous but i spoke enough still to make myself understood when saying "thank you for your interest, please take your hands off me i am not interested. Go find someone else who is, good luck."

The point is... Fate is a strange thing weather you believe in it or not. If you are meant to be with someone, if you are incomplete without them, ultimately they are present somewhere and ultimately they filter into your life in some sense or other and they become a part of your life. And one day, you realize... Life without them...It isn't life.... It is existence. When someone is ready to become awaere of that person in their life they will become aware of them. I sure wasn't ready to accept that the idiot who took my book who had the heroic brother was gonna be my husband way back then, no matter how we hit it off and how uncanny our connection was even way back then when we met that second time at that party of sorts. I wasn't sure about us getting married till i was 25. Then, it was just a question of when.... And that question.... became irrelevant, as soon as it arose. Because, simply put we were supposed to be together what else could it all mean considering how well we usually get along and the relationship we have etc... our values our connection to eachother.... And just knowing he is alive and well and that we can be together and spend time together and enjoy the relationship and connection and natural pull to eachother that we have, is enough. Having it written on a silly piece of paper.... is a silly piece of paper... We would have waited another 10 years.... The job related travelling though would have really started to get in the way so, 8 years after meeting, and.... 5 years after the relationship started... we got married.

These things they can't be forced... One has to interact in some fashion with others and eventually over time a partnership naturally.... just evolves... Because, it is supposed to. It isn't for us to choose who we love or where we find them. Or how we find them. All we can do, is be open to the possibility and live our lives for ourselves until we do, embracing and chasing our own interests which again inevitably cause us to come into contact with other people.... and sooo eventually we meet our partner. But, i must say, for me and my husband it was all weirdly coincidental and a bit creepy i wouldn't believe it if someone else told me our story... It is just too strange what are the chances??? But that is why love is a miracle.... And miracles, can not be forced, nor should they be prayed for. One should live and just hope.... and who knows?

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