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Parenting a Child with LD or ADHD

what should i do???


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Joined: Aug 15, 2008
Posts: 3
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Posted Aug 15, 2008 at 12:42:24 PM
Subject: what should i do???

My daughter as started 11th grade this semester, it has already got her and my anxiety bubbling, she is in a collabrotive world history class, she is under an I.E.P, as ADHD by type. Anyway her collaborative teacher as already made me feel really unsettled. Sarah failed a quiz, her teacher asked what happened and Sarah said i get test anxiety, she admitted to me that she studied as much as she could, it's the memorizing the info that is hard for her, well he just plainly told her "you can't do that on your graduation test" OK, that is not what i expect from someone in his position, then 3 days ago she came home in tears, she had forgot to turn do homework...she had wrote everything else down and did,Sarah admits that she just did not write it down due to her brain being preoccupied by the fact she failed her quizz, she asked if she could turn it in and he refused to take the assignment,which caused her a lot of anguish, she went back the next day and asked him if there is anyway that she could make it up in any other form and he said "no, i am the mean teacher, go ask Mrs Jinkins if she will except it!!! I understand that they have sylabus and that if he does it for her he has to do it for everyone, the thing is Sarah is under this program for that very reason all therough her schooling she has tried to saty on top of stuff, she tries to stay organized, she has had this issue all through her education...she doesn't do it deliberately!!! This Teacher is also her case worker, How do i approach this????

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scifinut
Joined Jul 11, 2005
Posts: 550

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Posted:Aug 15, 2008 2:10:44 PM

First I would talk with the teacher and find out why he is doing this. How does he see this as helping a student with ADHD/Anxiety? How will making her more stressed increase her ability to perform in school?

If talking with him doesn't do the trick, then take it up the chain of command, usually the special ed chair for the school. Keep taking it up the ladder until you get the appropriate placement for your daughter.

scifinut mom to: ms 16, bp/adhd/anxiety/complex ld mr. 20, add/dyslexic I hear and I forget I see and I remember I do and I understand. -Anonymous

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Mandi
Joined May 05, 2008
Posts: 424

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Posted:Aug 16, 2008 5:52:25 PM

The issue here is not the child. Sounds like you have a great kid. A hard working human being who screws up sometimes and who is not so pig headed that they can't admit it (now that is a true disability.) She seems like she tries her best and works hard and cares alot about her work. Don't worry about her. Most of society is not made up of giant assholes masquerading as teaching professionals. In this case it sounds like this teacher is the issue not your daughter or her disabilities. I am so sick of it when teachers use something like LD as an excuse to be jerks and even more sick of it when they simply don't want one more paper to correct as it is their job to correct it so instead they screw the LD kid who messed up a bit sure, but she tried, it was an honest mistake and one she will work on every day for the rest of her life for next time. And sometimes she will fail and sometimes (hopefully and likely most of the time) she will succeed because she *tries* An LD child who is distracted by some idiot practicing idiocy instead of education should not be penalized for a jerks jerkish behavior! Stand up for her! Just because she is LD doesn't mean she is always the one who is 'wrong' in the situation. Put your foot down and tell the idiot masquerading as a teacher where he can stick it. Remind him. his job is to *ENCOURAGE* learning in *ALL* students. That tasks is 1 half entertaining a class and providing information and capturing the attention of the students and one half *UNDERSTANDING* as students are not all carbon cut out copies of perfection even the uhhh 'normal' ones. Ask him, if he thinks he is going to keep his job bullying a little girl with LD that way instead of showing some small measure of compassion for a child that is giving him her all and best.

Sorry but i just gotta say it.... What a fucking asshole!

Please do tell him that some total stanger on irc thinks he is a prick and not an educator. Thanx.

And tell your daughter, she did nothing wrong and that she is a good kid. Take her for icecream or let her stay out past curfew one night without gettin in trouble something small to show her how much atleast *SOME* people appreciate the energy and effort she puts into her education instead of just writing it off as wasted on her. Because she has earned it several hundred times over!

And then, send a letter to the principal complaining about this teacher. When you talk to him personally which i personally think you should i would hope your daughter would be there to see you stepping up to defend her right to both learn and be a human being at the same time. It's important for those of us with LD to know our families stand behind us. Because sometimes we really are wrong. But, we are also sooooo often mistreated instead of treated fairly. Remind this teacher the playing field for your daughter is not level and she is not going to necesarily excel at everything nor should she have to though demanding atleast some variety of C at the minimum in all things is hardly bad idea. And make sure he understands how hard she tries and that it is a travisty when i disabled person puts more effort into their education unpayed with the cards stacked against them than a payed alleged professional teacher (asshole) Who simply has to show some small compassions for someone that is LD and who's mind doesn't work the same way and who makes very human mistakes on occasion.

As an ADHD survivor of the education system i would like to request personally that you do everything within your human power to get this SOB fired ASAP as he gives teachers everywhere a bad name. Whats more, if he gets away with this crap with your daughter who's hard working LD child will he be an asshat to next? I think you have a responsibility to all children with ADHD or any other LD in your school district to get this creep fired IMMEDIATELY!

Sorry... I gotta say it again i usually don't use much profanity... but i just can't help myself i am soooo incensed just reading this as an adult that went through so much of the same situation as a kid.... sooo here goes....

WHAT A FUCK ASSHOLE BASTERD FROM HELL! HOLY HELL OH MY GOD! GET HIM FIRED!!! AND HIS LITTLE DOG TOO... Or something... but seriously what an evil human being....

Ok i feel better now... well not yet... I have to say it one more time and kicka hole in the wall.... THEN i will feel better... WHAT A FUCKING ASSHOLE!

being an asshole should make one unavveptable for hire as a teacher.

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annette10dance
Joined May 13, 2008
Posts: 91

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Posted:Aug 18, 2008 11:34:57 AM

Isn't that a conflict of interest that her case worker is her teacher? Isn't there different degree requirements for case management than for teachers?

Can the principle change her placement to a different teacher? I've seen kids change teachers after the semester began and have done well with a different teacher. Ask about it. Let us know what happens.

Annette

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katbrit65
Joined Aug 15, 2008
Posts: 3

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Posted:Aug 18, 2008 1:48:44 PM

So a follow-up on the last post.My daughter and i decided that she would try to work this out with the teacher in question, she was told to see if her main teacher would except the work, she did, however this is not resolving the issue of the Collab teacher's questionable behavior toward his responsibilty,i will be talking to him, but by request of my daughter not to do anything yet...he gave her his email address and told her " if you parent wants to talk to me, it will have to be through email!!! I want to ask How does a coach get qualified to teach special ed or any teacher for that matter? How can i find out?

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Mandi
Joined May 05, 2008
Posts: 424

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Posted:Aug 18, 2008 8:31:59 PM

LOL Sorry, Fine fine let her work this out then but if you love those of us with ADHD at alll (while i bat my lashes and look cute and starved and desperate) Please please please.... Make up some other excuse to deal with that teacher and please please please.... Show up at school or call him on the phone!!! Just to show him who's tax dollars pay his sallary... Please.... What a loser and a trip... Please don't sit for this! You entrust him with your daughter her mind and her body and her welfare. Letting him dictate to you that you must deal with him through email only is assinine! What if something horrible happens??? Who does this moron think he is?! The bonny prince charlie?! Please step on his toes a bit... pretty pretty please with a cherry on top...

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annette10dance
Joined May 13, 2008
Posts: 91

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Posted:Aug 19, 2008 10:30:34 AM

The superintendent's office should have a copy of his degree certification on file. In our school district, parents can request to review it.

I have good communication with teachers via e-mail. They read it during the day and respond more quickly than leaving a message via phone.

You can e-mail him everyday with questions about homework and her progress.

I'm not sure about the coach being qualified to teach special ed.. Let us know about that one.

Annette

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katbrit65
Joined Aug 15, 2008
Posts: 3

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Posted:Aug 20, 2008 1:24:06 PM

I am sure i had some learning impairment as a child, i think that is why i feel so strongly about the school system giving my child all the tools and skills to succeed, i am trying to let Sarah be her own voice and advocate as that is all i have heard in the last year or so from the teacher's, so i will intervene at the right time, Sarah came home yesterday and told me that she had requested that she change her IEP teacher, so i am proud of her, the sad thing is that at the end of the day it's a system that is failing my child not just the teacher, i just wanted to see if everyone else out there, thinks like i do, you are right about the teacher he doesn't deserve to be i the position he is in, my gut tells me that he doesn't care for the position he is as an educator of special ed, i am willing to challenge him, but have also had to listen to my child who in the last few weeks as realized herself that she wants to control her education...i am finding it hard not to step on her toes and talk to him anyway, but i want to respect her...i think i will know when to step in....i have to come to terms with the fact i too have suffered from the lack of compassion a system shows to the learning impaired and will not sit and watch that happen, i hope you all understand my angst!!!

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Mandi
Joined May 05, 2008
Posts: 424

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Posted:Aug 20, 2008 4:24:42 PM

Hmmm I am very impressed... I must say a s achild who went through all this garbage and more... I wish more parents had the good sense that you do. Many here seem to have some sense... But it is rare i think atleast in my family it was when they would take my side over the teacher's. I am not saying i was always right. But far from it. At the same time though, they were just as off base as i was plenty. But because of the lable predjudiced... I would get stepped on every time.

The most fundimental thing a child with LD can learn and i truly do believe this, is self advocacy. There *IS* a time for parents to step up to the plate but you are very wise to let her attempt to resolve it on her own. All the same. I think, you should drop by school with a muffin for the teacher just to say hello for maybe no reason at all just to stand your ground and make him quite aware that if he wants a pissing contest he is out numbered 2 to 1.

The education system is busted anyway. The recent survey shows american children are the least happy in the western world and also the least well educated. Finland hit the jack pot on education and the Netherlands rocked it on the happiness. Though Finland was still in the top five for nations containing the most happy children. Almost none of those kids are on any drugs. My husband got less than a half hour of homework every day through highschool he has a PHD and he is very happy. I got about 8 hours a night. I was miserable. So if schools as we are the least educated children in the western world, are failing so hugely in general how can anyone expect that a program like special ed wouldnt be even a far worse failure? It really is a tragedy. We need to remodel our system. To cater to human beings instead of to drones. And yes, these systems are failing our children. The bigger issue though is what happens as a result of these systems failing our kids. They fail their kids... And a nasty cycle starts.

I am glad that there are some parents out there wise enough to know that sometimes it isn't their kid that is out of line but someone else! It makes me breathe a little easier... Want to adopt me? Just kidding..

Just keep in mind, your child learning to advocate is fabulous but as a student she is part of the school hierarchy the lowest member. And there is quite often a price to pay when one has the balls to demand what is theirs, such as the right to an adequate education. Especially when that person is lowest on the totem pole and is viewed through the eyes of predjudiced.

You get a gold star for being a good parent of a child with LD, and that is high praise coming from a grown up who went through all this and still has nightmares and occasional panic attacks and severe depression due to the cruelty of the system and the predjudiced and the unlevel playing field. I usually just tell people they are morons... Sooo consider yourself one of the gifted few. I think you are doing just fine.

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annette10dance
Joined May 13, 2008
Posts: 91

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Posted:Aug 21, 2008 8:48:48 AM

A mismatch of teacher and student can happen to anybody.

Our school has done an outstanding job with my kids. In fact, the speech teacher had to go on a conference to learn how to work with my son when he had Selective Mutism and was not able to speak in school.

Please don't bash teachers. Teachers are underpaid and work very hard. If you ever get a chance to volunteer time in the classroom, you will find out how hard it is to teach a class of 20 students who are all at different learning places.

This teacher was not unprofesional. He did nothing wrong to your child. He was just not a good match for your child's learning style. It happens. Do not project your anxiety, insecurity and paranoia unto your child. Your child will feel it and never trust anyone and not progress the way you want her to.

Annette

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Mandi
Joined May 05, 2008
Posts: 424

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Posted:Aug 21, 2008 2:17:37 PM

Teachers are underpaid and they have a difficult job to do. And some do an exquisite job and work their butts off and get cheated and that isn't right or fair. Some go beyond the call of duty as much as they need to provide the kids in their class with both the standard information and even better lessons on life. These teachers are treasures. Without them, there wouldn't be hope for some. They deserve higher wages and recognition for what they do and they earn a great deal of apreciation which most never see. And that is a crying shame. It needs to be remedied.

There are also some teachers who are lazy. Example in my highschool, we had one teacher and sorry but this is important to the story i am not bashing anyone's race or religion. This teacher happened to be jewish. He got a great cushy job in a great school system. Soon after school started he was found on the floor beaten unconscious with swastikas all over and around him. He said the skin head faction of the school did it. I am no fan of that nonsense. Nor do i think it is apropriate but hey freedom of speech exists so long as it is not calling for violence. Though i don't like really anything this particular sickitating group has to say. But they had never been violent they kept to themselves and talked to themselves and used their ugly words with themselves and had never hurt anyone. So i didn't believe it. They were rounded up arrested and nearly prosecuted while they claimed innocense. It wasn't till a couple of months later it came to light this teacher had the same exact scenario occurre 3 times in the last 3 years in 3 different school districts. He was going to get a full year's sick leave and full pay for his uhhh 'ordeal' which it turns out he had done to himself 3 times to avoid actually having to work for his living. There are plenty of idiot christian teachers too and hindu teachers and idiot black teachers idiot white teachers and idiot asian teachers etc... Every group has some bad apples. And every group has some exceptionally good ones.

Teachers are individuals. The ones that really try. The ones that truly care. The ones that really are worthy of the title of 'teacher' are few and far between. There are many who are mediocre and some that care some but will only go so far... etc... And that is fine too there is nothing wrong with those. They are doing their job and earning their pay, while giving nothing extra no one is entitled to extra sooo... But the individual teachers who truly are horrible as this one seems to be.... I resent paying tax dollars to employ such people and they are certainly not the people that i feel have anything to teach my child or anyone elses. As LD children are individuals and each situation is different the same is true of teachers and everyone else on earth. So bashing one idiot is not intended as bashing an entire profession though i do feel many teachers today are not up to the task, those that are, i have more admiration for because i don't think i could do what they do. And i am eternally greatful that they do it. Because without a few of them, i would not be who and what i am today.

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Cherryl
Joined Aug 14, 2008
Posts: 8

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Posted:Aug 21, 2008 2:36:24 PM

Your daughter should talk to her caseworker. This is a person in the child study team that runs the IEP meetings. They can make special exceptions for your daughter that is what the "I" mean in IEP..."individual". They are supposed to give her what she needs, keeping in mind at the same time that kids need to do their part. I just interned in a high school child study team last year. These days, most assignments and grades as posted on the high school website. You should be able to monitor things, most parents don't though.

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