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Finding Love for Person with LD


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Joined: Aug 26, 2008
Posts: 2
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Posted Aug 26, 2008 at 10:04:51 PM
Subject: Finding Love for Person with LD

Hi,
I've been searching the web trying to find a resource to help my brother start dating. He's 25 and reads and writes on a very low level. He's a very sweet, cute guy and a lot of people don't even know he has a learning disability. His comprehension level is low in certain aspects, but he socializes very well and works as a cashier at my store.

I was hoping someone would be able to point me to a good dating website for people with learning disabilities, or any other resources such as social groups where he might be able to connect with someone. He lives in his own apartment in Queens, NY, and is open to meeting a girl within driving distance.

Thanks so much.

Heather

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Bill Gordon
Joined Feb 01, 2008
Posts: 5

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Posted:Aug 27, 2008 2:31:31 AM

You talk about your brother like he is a retard. It is despicable that you are trying to herd us and match us up like cattle.

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A person
Joined Apr 22, 2005
Posts: 119

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Posted:Aug 27, 2008 11:52:06 AM

If your brother is LD, he shouldn't have other people trying to "fix him up". Just because you have academic issues doesn't mean that you're entitled be paired up with someone. He's just going to have to learn how to communicate with the opposite sex, if he wants to enter a friendship/relationship.

As far as I know there arn't any dating sites for people with LD. Can he type? I would tell him to try the following sties: Craigs List; Yahoo Personels; Match.com; Eharmony.com. If he works at a grocery store and people don't know that he has a disability he shouldn't have problems interacing with girls.

LD isn't a developmental disability. If he's developmentally disabled there should be community groups where he can interact with people who are on the same intellectual level as him.

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Heathe5678
Joined Aug 26, 2008
Posts: 2

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Posted:Aug 27, 2008 4:43:21 PM

I am completely shocked by the two negative posts I received. I love my brother more than anything in the world. He is not a retard and I have never treated him like one. He's one of my best friends and I told him that I would help him try to find a girl to connect with. I'm truly sorry that I thought I could help him by posting on what I thought was an open-minded forum. I really don't need to be attacked or judged by people who don't even know me.

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A person
Joined Apr 22, 2005
Posts: 119

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Posted:Sep 02, 2008 1:01:55 PM

Heather, I didn't mean to insult you or your brother. There have been many topics in this forum in the past by people who equate LD with mental retardation.

The way that you described your brother presented the possibility that he may of had an impairment. I'm glad that you explained that he doesn't, and I am glad to see that he has your support. There aren't any dating sites that are exclusive to people with LD. I would tell him to try one of the ones that I listed, or he could meet someone through a church/community group.

I have LD, and I have yet to meet my significant other. It's not an issue that needs to hinder him or myself from interacting with members of the opposite sex, though. Again, I'm glad to see that you're very supportive of him.

take care.

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Mandi
Joined May 05, 2008
Posts: 424

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Posted:Sep 02, 2008 2:26:33 PM

Yes ofcourse you do, let me apologize for them, those of us with academic issues, are not all 'slower' or less able or so limited as you describe your brother as. And so when people equate the 2 and then try to help us presenting it as an attempt to help many feel like someone is being condesending. It sounds like that was hardly your intent. But still, don't be hurt please, understand that when you are judged for small change instead of who you are your entire life stripped of your humanity and condesended down to... Especially when you are a highly intelligent individual (except in Bill's case. He doesn't have LD, just... delusions. Also he isn't smart. The other voices in his head however atleast seem to maintain an IQ bordering on average. he can spell and formulate words and thoughts, sadly their rationality is rather, errr.... Well lacking in entirity.)

But i suppose this judgement is your first real taste of what it is like to be like me or to be like a Person, that we go through every single day of our lives, many of us. The judgements never end. And the reality is, it hurts us too. Just most catty or icky about it because well that kind of hurt it never goes away especially when it is so frequent and has eaten its way so deep into you.

And yes, often people come here usually parents posting these insulting things. They don't mean to insult ofcourse, but they are scared and reactive they have just been told their kid has this that or the other thing oh no oh no! And they need help they have a thing not a child.... but the fact remains they have a child. A child that needs them to fight and to treat it like normal. A child that is still the child they loved so much and had no real fault with in many cases prior to the labling. Yes your son could end up like me speaking 6 languages fluently multi instrumental working on a grad degree married to a PHD in theoretical physics. Oh no the horror! Please try to understand, it insults everything we are and everything we do and it breaks our hearts over and over and over again to see parents detach just a little... change just a little... etc... towards their kids. We know the day to day struggle with the accademic stuff and the judgements and the cruelties attached. We know the condescension far too well from the kind hearted biggots just trying to be nice. (I am NOT implying you are one of them!) And we make mistakes sometimes when someone tries to help a loved one misinterpreting as we have huge walls up to protect our hearts that are just as delicate as yours or any other normal person's from damage. Sometimes those walls go a bit on the offensive. And then, it seems those like you with a kind heart and good intentions get bit when no biting is really called for or necesary. But please understand for us dealing with.... shit.... is such a way of life... Most of us are tired and we want society to give it a rest.But i think that rest will likely not come any time soon.

Your brother sounds like a sweet man. If i were not married i might have been curious as to what he is like in the real world.... He sounds like, he has alot to offer. So he can't offer literacy or tons of money. He offers his heart. And that is the most valuable thing that anyone can offer anyone else. Sounds he offers promise and effort and good intentions and likely the kindness he has learned being around you. It's not about what he isn't, don't you see? It is about what he *is* *who* he is. I think you do see or you wouldn't be trying to help him with this. You would instead be trying to protect society from him. I admire you for your open minded open hearted honest effort and applaud you in trying help someone with some issue of some sort weather developmental LD or something else to find someone to love and be accepted by. But the way it was presented "lookibng for someone to love my brother IN SPITE OF," when it isn't inspite of at all. Relationships are partnerships. I do math great now but till recently i couldn't do anything beyond algebra 1. I will always hate math and i will always avoid it no matter how good i am at it. I have gone through calculus and beyond. But i don't do math. My husband does. All of our math. I make all phone calls we need to make. He is from Finland, he has an accent, so he worries sometimes about dumb things and being misunderstood or something on the phone though he speaks perfect english. You see, both partners bring to the table unique abilities. Both partners share whatever it is that they have with eachother, and both partners do the best they can to be supportive of eachother in any and all ways that they can. So one's inabilities become a mute point.

You are a wonderful sister and i wish i had one like you as accepting because it would have made life alot easier....

As for best places to meet people... I travel alot. Met my husband years ago in Sweden while i was traveling... But A person seems full of suggestions.

And yes A person is right, many do equate LD and retardation, and in most cases with the odd exception, it is so far from the truth that, we recognize we are being called stupid. "Learning disabled" the term implies unable to learn. Once upon a time ADHD for example was called "broken brain syndrome." These terms coined by experts alledged intellectual scientists are so full of judgement that we do react sometimes and we bite... before we see what exactly we are actually biting... My personal definition of LD is "Learning differenced". I still learn. So does everyone with LD we just have a different way of learning. Your brother too is not limited to who and what he is now working in a grocery store and reading poorly. There are methods that he can use to learn. I was never supposed to read at all. I couldn't spell my own name till i was 10. People grow all through their lives and they change and they reach for the things they aspire to. Those with LD, often don't reach too high because they are always told and judged as unable. and then offered support in not attaining the greatness they are as able to achieve as any other person is. So please try to understand the reaction and hopefully, the offense given has in some small way been explained understood and lessened.

As for what Bill says, he is a lunatic. But, often, those with LD feel as they are labled and told they are different and made to feel different due to predjudiced that many people would rather we were not ummm.... able to sort of co exist as equals in society or anything resembling co existance as free and uncontrolled membersw of society because lets face it we are a society of biggots. And he is right about that. But his conspiracy theories are alot of bull****. So he interpreted your words in a way that isn't consistent with the interpretation a rational mind would have made.

Best of luck to your brother, and hopefully he will find someone as wonderful as my husband.

As for you a Person, that last small bit applies to you too. But let me say that you suck at biting people's heads off. Leave that to me. I do a far better job. (wink wink) i am just teasing. You do an adequate job. but i still have alot to teach you. hahahaha....

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Beautifulxpoetry
Joined Sep 27, 2008
Posts: 11

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Posted:Sep 27, 2008 4:02:32 PM

hey! im catherine. id like to talk to your brother. i am 19 years old and i have a ld too. does he have an email?

just type in disability dating sites and they will come up. ive been on a few.
and ive also went on regular dating sites and found guys too. try plentyoffish.com, mingle2.com, datehookup.com, and mate1.com.

:)

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