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Behavior: Social Skills, Self Esteem

Confusion over different Developmental Delays


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Joined: Oct 14, 2008
Posts: 20
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Posted Dec 04, 2008 at 8:36:20 AM
Subject: Confusion over different Developmental Delays

As I watch my son grow, I notice that he's a carbon copy of me. Apparently, I was developmentally delayed. I tried to look it up, to get more info and compare it to my son, but there are too many. This is what I'm looking for, does anyone have any quess which one it is?

It's not a physical delay and it's not Autistic related. It's a social and emotional delay (I think those are the right descriptive words), but by 9th grade, the delay gap is closed. There was no need to do anything special with me because I went to a school that was grades 1 thru 8. Two grades where taught in the same class room by the same teacher. Everyone came out for recess at the same time, so I just played with kids my developmental age and ignored the ones my age that called me immature. By high school, I was no longer delayed. My son is having problems because every grade is isolated. Recess was only that grade. So everyone considers him immature or 'retarded' and won't interact with him.

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majorv
Joined Jun 01, 2008
Posts: 26

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Posted:Dec 05, 2008 8:13:55 PM

You don't say how old your son is but it is generally known that boys mature later than girls. If the boy also has ADHD, like my son, then he may be even further behind in social maturity. My son is 16 and is still trying to catch up to his peers. He still feels more comfortable with boys that are 2-3 years younger. I don't recall him having major problems on the playground in elem. school. He spent most of his time playing tetherball...the boys had elimination contests during recess to see who would win and he was a pretty good player.

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Bast
Joined Oct 14, 2008
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Posted:Dec 08, 2008 8:43:06 AM

He's 11 and having to deal with 6th graders who are calling him retarded and weird.

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geodob
Joined Feb 06, 2005
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Posted:Dec 09, 2008 4:12:43 AM

Hi Bast,
I think that this is the same son who has been having difficulties with writing, that I just re-read?
Which I wonder if is related?
For nearly 3 years now, I've been doing some research into something called; Auditory Rehearsal. That could be relevant?
What this is, is for example, when you are writing, you probably verbally rehearse what you are going to write in your mind. Without saying it 'out loud'.
Also when you are speaking, you might verbally rehearse what you are going to say, in your mind.
Though I've worked with about 60 children and teenagers who never learned how to use Auditory Rehearsal. Where for virtually all of them, the simple reason was because they didn't know that people could do Auditory Rehearsal?
So I wonder whether this could be his problem?
You could simply rule this in or out by talking about this with him?
Most children that have this problem, when asked if they can hear the words in their mind as they are thinking, without saying them out loud?
Usually respond with;'What, do you think that I'm crazy, of course I don't hear voices in my head!'

Where the main part of addressing this difficulty, is simply knowing that people do this.
Bast,this might not be relevant,though it could be worth ruling out?
Geoff,

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Bast
Joined Oct 14, 2008
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Posted:Dec 09, 2008 8:52:41 AM

Ya, this is the one with the hand writing problem. I'll ask him tonight.

Also, a graduate student did an IQ test on him as a class project. She noticed that he retraced his letters and that when he drew shown shapes, he flipped or rotated them and would also retrace them. He did best on the section were there was no talking or writing, just hands on manipulation of objects. She concerned that he might have a Visual Motor Skill deficit. Unfortunately, she couldn't give me a copy of the test results, because it's a student class assignment and official.

I'm don't understand how this makes him 'delayed' socially and emotionally? He still plays with toys and kids that are below his age.

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geodob
Joined Feb 06, 2005
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Posted:Dec 10, 2008 7:35:20 AM

Hi Bast,
His visual motor skills deficit, seem to be specific rather than general? From reading all of your posts. Where he has no problem with writing numbers or drawing. Yet the 'graduate student noticed that he retraced his letters and when he drew shown shapes, he flipped or rotated them.'
Where I wonder if their could be some 'contra-lateral', left-right brain confusion?
You also wrote that he is 'delayed socially and emotionally', where I wonder what you mean by emotional delay? Which would suggest a lack of empathy?
Bast, I recently started a new forum on Dysgraphia that perhaps you might like to visit and join?
It's focused on understanding the underlying difficulties and using simple self help exercises to address them.
So I'll post a link to it here for you, if you'd like to have a look?
http://dysgraphia.u-can-do-it.org/phpbb3/index.php
Geoff,
[Modified by: geodob on December 10, 2008 07:37 AM]

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Bast
Joined Oct 14, 2008
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Posted:Dec 10, 2008 1:44:47 PM

Emotionally - I guess I'm trying to say mentally but don't want to imply retarded. Empathy is not a problem. Think of an 6-8 year old. Lack of emotional control. Two 6 years old can be screaming angrily at each other and then 15 minutes later, playing as if it never happened. Think of the naivety. Then their's the temper tantrums, lower understanding of how their actions interact with the world around them. Talking the way a 6-8 year old does. Interested in 6-8 year old things, instead of 11 year old things.

Does this help?

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geodob
Joined Feb 06, 2005
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Posted:Dec 11, 2008 2:47:19 AM

Hi Bast,
I was wondering if you got a chance to ask him about auditory rehearsal, or Inner Voice is a better term.
So that it can be ruled in or out?
Whilst we use it for writing, it is also important for reflective thinking.
Though I was also concerned about your mention that '6th graders are calling him retarded and weird'.
Which is really bullying and will effect his self esteem.
On some other LD Forums that I'm a member of. A popular thing that LD kids do, is learn some martial art, like karate, etc.
Not so that he can beat kids up that call him names!
But simply, so that the word gets around the class, that he is doing karate.
Where they'll start thinking twice, before calling him names anymore? They'll also give him a bit more respect. In a way, I see his self-esteem as perhaps more important than the 'delay'? While the 'delay' might be resolved as he grows. A loss of self-esteem can be a greater life long problem?
Which could already be related to why he prefers to play with younger kids?
Geoff,

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Bast
Joined Oct 14, 2008
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Posted:Dec 22, 2008 9:40:30 AM

Hi geodob,

I asked my son, but his answer was, I don't know. Now he keep expecting me to suddenly ask him, so I won't get a genuine response. Can you give me a better example of what you mean? I'm saying the words in my head as I write this. I'm also working out how to write this before I write some of the sentences in my head. Is this what you mean?

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geodob
Joined Feb 06, 2005
Posts: 265

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Posted:Dec 23, 2008 9:06:59 AM

Hi Bast,
When you wrote:"I'm saying the words in my head as I write this, I'm also working out how to write this before I write some of the sentences in my head."

As you were doing this, what was really happening?
You used Auditory Recall, to recall words from your memory. Then used Auditory Rehearsal, to put them altogether and rehearse them.
Where you probably Rehearse a few different ways to say it. Before starting to write it.
Then as you write the sentence, you are probably rehearsing each part of it?
But as you are aware of this, maybe you could consider how you would go about writing a sentence, if you couldn't recall those words and rehearse them in your mind?
Though, we don't just use this for writing, but also when we are thinking.
As well as when we are talking, where we very briefly rehearse what we are about to say.
Think before we speak.
But perhaps you can try to imagine what it would be like, if you couldn't use Auditory Recall and Rehearsal?
It's a bit hard to imagine?
Though when you asked your son about this, and he replied:'I don't know?'
This suggests to me, that he doesn't know about this?
In my research and trials with over 50 children, teenagers and adults, so far. The common problem, was simply that they 'didn't know about it, no one ever told them?'
Finding out about it is the first step in resolving it, followed by some simple self-help exercises to learn how to use it.
Bast, I see that I can email you. So I'll email you some further information.
Cheers,
Geoff,

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