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Parenting a Child with LD or ADHD

Is my child ADHD or is it behavioral?


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Joined: Jun 03, 2009
Posts: 1
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Posted Jun 03, 2009 at 12:20:41 PM
Subject: Is my child ADHD or is it behavioral?

what is the best route to see if my child has ADHD or a behavioral problem?
He is 7, in 1st grade. At school the teacher says he has a hard time focusing, that is it no issues with his behavior in school. He has an IEP and receives
help for reading and math. No mention of ADHD during the IEP process. I also have a 9yr old dyslexic with no behavioral issues at all. But, My 7 yr old's behavior is crazy at home, always acting out against his brother, father and me. Disrupting dinner, play time, game time. It is exhausting being with him. He also has lots of trouble using the toilet and keeping himself clean. He is a picky eater. We have tried rewards charts, time outs, etc. It seems like nothing works, he doesn't care at all. It seems like everything for him is a consequence, " when... and then...". I am afraid that his behavior will just get worse as he gets older. What is my next step?, I am at the end of my rope.....

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Mandi
Joined May 05, 2008
Posts: 424

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Posted:Jun 03, 2009 12:54:19 PM

Ok take a deep breath, it is all going to be ok one way or another. Either it will all get sorted and worked out or it won't. If you can't do anything to fix it no point worrying about it but if you can, then worrying about it and getting screwed up by it won't help you solve your problem and only solving it is gonna help.

Sooo this bathroom issue does not sound the least bit like ADHD to me. It sounds, like something is wrong possibly in your home. It sound to me like it isn't ADHD at all. Infact, ADHD is entirely bevavioral in nature and if no one has said the word and he is 7, he doesn't have it. Since today they are even diagnosing infants who cry due to pain with it. It is the most over diagnosed LD that there is. So if no one has said it yet then at 7 you should assume that isn't the problem.

Clearly, there is a problem here. If it isn't a major impact to his behavior in school and only really effects him at home... I would stop and take a very hard look at your family and who his favorite targets are for his issues and ask yourself why. Because it sounds, like he is reacting to something unhealthy or to some weird family dynamic of some sort. I am not saying you are a bad parent, we all miss things... It may be something very normal to families that for some reason he is just over sensitive to. I have no idea what. But it is soooo easy when family dynamics exist and within families and all families have dynamics to scape goat 1 and declare him the problem 1 and if we can solve his behavior everything will be fixed. I thiink you are very wrong to assume that because what you are describing sounds like red flags for some sort of something rather off within your family dynamic that for some reason you aren't permitted to know about or to see, or that you simply just don't want to see because saying there is a family issue is more inclusive of what sounds like 4 or 5 peoples behaviors effecting eachother and therefore a larger thing to deal with when one can so easily blame the problem on the person who for what ever reason is most reactive to the situation. Likely because he is a child and has not developed yet a method of expressing himself in a more societally acceptable way.

Good luck. And if you do truly believe it is ADHD have him evaluated for it and put on a cocktail like so many other children before his brain is fully devloped just read up if you want to go that route on the long term effects of such drugs because that is what will happen. And is it really worth your convenience to mess up his brain for the rest of his life? When he may very well just grow out of this with time? Especially when the diagnosis is not based on any organic measurements of anything at all and has absolutely no scientific credibility and is entirely and solely based on an over analysis of his behavior? I'll grant something is really wrong here but it sounds to me like hhe is the most visible side effect of what the real problems are and if you look hard annd close and find what is really going on over time with correction of that thing you will see behavior get better.

Good luck!

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scifinut
Joined Jul 11, 2005
Posts: 550

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Posted:Jun 04, 2009 9:03:40 AM

imom, I've been there. My daughter didn't have behavior issues in school until she reached 3rd grade. Before that it was good behaviors at school but had trouble with academics and at home the explosions would start. Since I have an older child with no behavior issues I knew it wasn't a "home" problem. I ended up having to take her to a diagnostic psychologist who was very thorough. She got an appropriated diagnosis which did lead to medications BUT IT SAVED HER LIFE. She is now a happy, thriving 17 year old young woman about to start her Senior year of high school.

A thorough evaluation can be really helpful. The toileting issues can be a part of several issues, so it's good to get an evaluation for physical issues as well as psychiatric and neurological. Picky eaters often have sensory issues, so that's another area to explore.

((Hugs))

scifinut mom to: ms 16, bp/adhd/anxiety/complex ld mr. 20, add/dyslexic I hear and I forget I see and I remember I do and I understand. -Anonymous

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Mandi
Joined May 05, 2008
Posts: 424

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Posted:Jun 04, 2009 4:02:13 PM

I happen to be labled with both ADHD and dyslexia. I am an educated person and living a nice life happily. It didn't wreck my life but it sure did come too close for comfort.

When i say it sounds nothing like ADHD, i would have to suggest that you look up quickly the criteria one has to prove to prove one's child qualifies.

# Duration – A combination of symptoms must have been present for at least 6 months.
# Settings – The symptoms must be present in two or more settings, such as home, school, and other social settings.

# Duration – A combination of symptoms must have been present for at least 6 months.
# Settings – The symptoms must be present in two or more settings, such as home, school, and other social settings.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_signs_symptoms.htm

If your child isn't showing the same symptoms both at h0ome and at school it is because maybe when at school he is thinking about something else and when at home something isn't right for *him.* You seem like a caring and good parent just looking for the best method to handle your child, that is wonderful. But i think you will find that it is better not to slap a lable on a child in general than to do so. Not using the bathroom and not keeping good hygene if you have not read clearly do not point in the direction of ADHD. They can be due to a number of things including some sort of emotional issues or even terror inspired. My home was a foster home, when i was young. We had some kids that had such issues pass through. Many of them were the victiims of traumatic experiences. I don't know your son. I am not saying that is the case in his case. But if i were you it is an avenue i would look into as well as looking into ADHD and everything else you can find that might explain the problem before you go and have him given a lable that seems to inspire terror int he vast majority of the american population.

You are right, his behaviors aren't normal. And some people really respond well to medication. Many don't even the creator of ADHD says it is grossly over diagnosed. Not only that he has also stated it is grossly over medicated. Nimh has said there is no scientifically measurable evidence of this afliction. Yet the pharma corps are making billions off of it. And some children are even dieing as a result. Before you take such a route, it seems the best procedure to first have him checked out indeph physically, then have some sort of family counseling with someone who isn't a moron. Which is actually hard to find in the field of psychology. Good luck there, but there are a few out there....II would work on the trust relationship with him just incase he does have any secrets.... Because maybe there is some sort of trauma you aren't even aware of? Or maybe it is something that isn't traumatic but for some reason has traumatized him anyway??? Different people, even those without issues have different likes and dislikes and tolerance levels for everything that happens to be... So first look into everything else. THEN when everything else has been exhausted to no avail, it might be time to look into the psychological as it relates to alledged cases of ADHD.

There are so many areas to explore before turning to this one that it seems only fair to your child that you look into them first. Remember you will have to live with him for the next 11 years. But he will have to live with his brain and the consequences of any medications you put him on for the rest of his life. I understand you are having a hard time for a good reason something is wrong. But what is it? Before even considering ADHD, try looking elsewhere and everywhere.... And not all kids respond well to ADHD medication.

When i was a kid i saw that crap kill a friend of mine. It caused another friend of mine to actually develop tourretts like symptoms... Caused several others to have halucinations... And a whole host of other very serious problems for the short term. But it did something else to them too. It shrunk the size of their frontal lobes which iis what governs the ability to use common sense logic and to self edit. Also, medication is only effective for 3 years. At that point it requires i do believe a major raising in dosage or a change to a different medication and a new opportunity to mess up your kid's brain in horrible ways, though these medications may provide some short lived relief for you. Ask yourself though if that is really a fair thing to do to him? Drugs are not a cure all. They are not a good system of managing your out of control children, America. And there are major side effects and long term effects which you will not have to deal with in your body but which will be a problem for the rest of your child's life. All because they are behaving badly. When did drugging become an option of punishment for children??? Because with ADHD it sure seems like just that. If you are having trouble keeping up, maybe it is you the parent that can make a conscious and adult choice about these matters that should be popping the pill to manage your child's behaviors rather than damaging your kid for life and causing temporary untold side effects??? Or you could ask yourself what parents did before ritalin. Or what the world beyond the usa does when we use 90% of the world's ritalin supply each year. Even the Un has issued nasty statements about the over medicating of american children.

Oh yes something is wrong with your child but what is it? And what is the best way to solve the problem that will do the least damage? When all else absolutely fails and there is nowhere else to turn, drugs may be the only option... But, today when you go in for diagnosis for ADHD, they offer you ADHD medication even before they tell you you have ADHD. Because someone somewhere is making a fortune off of all this. If it is the route you choose to go i would strongly advise yyou to doa good year or fives worth of research before you do it. And i would say look everywhere else for what is wrong first. Because no 2 shrinks can even agree on weather or not i have it. Half say i am a moderate case the other half say i don't have it at all. Knowing that it is based on entirely subjective opinion. 2 shrinks could watch the same interview and same behaviors and come to 2 entirely different conclusions. Knowing that is it really fair to start here at ADHD, before looking even in all the places that you are probably right in assuming that it isn't until you find what the problem is and perhaps in the end it will be ADHD. but as someone who has been down this road it just doesn't smell right to me as far as what ADHD alledgedly is and your son's behaviors. But i am an archaeoligist not a not a profiteer off drug company kick backs...

Good luck!

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