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Parenting a Child with LD or ADHD

Hello


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Joined: Oct 11, 2008
Posts: 26
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Posted Aug 15, 2009 at 6:30:52 PM
Subject: Hello

I am looking for someone to talk to,I am a single parent with a special needs child.My son is ADHD non medicated. Middle school has been a nightmare for me,especially the IEP meetings. I would like to hear from others out there.Thanks

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sosamom
Joined Aug 15, 2009
Posts: 2

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Posted:Aug 16, 2009 11:14:50 PM
Subject:Re: Hello

From my exprience IEP meetings (dyslexic) do your research and write down all your questions and take someone with you to ask questions and maybe take notes for you.
Request that minutes are taken in all your meetings and make sure they are typed and you agree with what was said and typed out before you leave the meeting. KEEP A FILE!

Make sure your child has a understanding of his/her results. Have him/her express their feelings why and how he or she needs help. The staff responded more positively when my son to expressed himself.

Go prepared,

Knowledge is Power

Just a few suggestions.

2Blessed 2Stress

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scootles
Joined Oct 11, 2008
Posts: 26

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Posted:Aug 17, 2009 10:12:36 AM
Subject:Hello

My son does not attend these meetings

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Steve
Joined Nov 05, 2003
Posts: 249

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Posted:Aug 17, 2009 1:46:49 PM
Subject:Re: Hello

We avoided regular public schools to avoid that very nightmare. I have two who would qualify as ADHD, did not medicate, and they are doing very well (one is 25, the other is 13). We used alternative schools and homeschooling until the oldest was in 6th grade, and the youngest will continue in a charter school (we helped found) until he's in high school next year.

I have also helped others not as fortunate or who wanted to make the public school setting work. I don't know exactly what kind of nightmare you are experiencing, but I'd suggest you go in with a strong stance regarding the medication. Just let them know it is not an option, you have researched it and talked to your medical provider and you have made your decision as a family and that decision will stand. Let them know you're not willing to talk about it and if they do you will either change the topic or leave the meeting if necessary.

If it's about accomodations, I'd be very specific about what you want. Don't leave it to them to "suggest" things. You know your child better than they do, and taking a firm stand on exactly what is needed is the first step to getting it to happen. If they have observations or ideas to share, listen with an open mind, but then make up your own mind and tell them what you have decided. Establishing yourself as the ultimate decision maker is the most important point. They will usually play the "we're the experts, trust us" game, but bottom line, you're a smart person, and if they can't explain it to you, it's probably because it doesn't actually make sense.

Finally, I'd be very focused on specific outcomes and interventions. What exactly are we trying to accomplish, how exactly will they do things differently to accomplish it, and how exactly will we know it's been successful. The more concrete you get about both methods and outcomes, the more likely you will see progress. I try to think of it as a scientific experiment. You set a hypothesis, you control other variables, you test the hypothesis and decide if it's true or not. If it's not, you throw out that intervention, and try a new one. But you have to know what "success" means for you and your child. To the school, success may mean he's less annoying or more compliant. That may not be your goal.

Hope that is helpful. Let me know more specifics on the "nightmare" if you want some more specific suggestions. Good luck!

---- Steve

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scootles
Joined Oct 11, 2008
Posts: 26

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Posted:Aug 17, 2009 3:39:12 PM
Subject:Hello

steve I emailed you

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scootles
Joined Oct 11, 2008
Posts: 26

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Posted:Aug 17, 2009 5:58:53 PM
Subject:Re: Hello

Looks like I am going to have a problem getting them to re-test my son for accurate grade levels.This is a email I got from the Sped director. "Those levels were on his re-evaluation. We will go over it tomorrow….. I look forward to meeting with you."
After asking them to re-test my son using something else beside the Star test.Can some one tell me why they used this test if its not accurate?

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Steve
Joined Nov 05, 2003
Posts: 249

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Posted:Aug 19, 2009 4:42:37 PM
Subject:Re: Hello

Hi, Scootles!

My e-mail has changed but I can't update it somehow. Please feel free to e-mail me at Portland17@msn.com (it is aol.com in my profile). Or you can use my work e-mail at stephen.t.mccrea@co.multnomah.or.us.

Sorry for the confusion! I'd really love to hear what's going on.

---- Steve

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scootles
Joined Oct 11, 2008
Posts: 26

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Posted:Aug 21, 2009 12:53:01 PM
Subject:Re: Hello

Hey Steve,Well had my meeting on the 18th,and I tell you...I don't know what to think,I always leave these things ,never satisfied and always thinking more can be done

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Steve
Joined Nov 05, 2003
Posts: 249

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Posted:Aug 21, 2009 6:59:04 PM
Subject:Re: Hello

More usually can be done. That's why we went the alternative/charter/homeschool route. My experience is that standard classrooms are all about fitting in and being like the rest of the kids. There are individual teachers who do something totally different, but the basic model is, do as you are told, when you are told, and don't make too much trouble. Our kids don't work in that environment, and to really make it work requires genuine accomodations that most teachers won't make, even with an IEP in place. They just really think there's something wrong with the child and they should act the way the teacher wants or expects them to.

So we found schools that worked on a more child-centered model. Kevin's current school (he's 13) is one where every child has an individual learning plan that he creates with the teacher. When Kevin was 6, he didn't want to have any goals at all on his learning plan - only "activities". Now he's one of the star students, setting regular challenges for himself, doing advanced math work, being a leader with peers in following the school rules (which for the most part are made up by the students in a big weekly meeting) and generally being a model student. All with no medical intervention or therapy, just finding the right environment. It's been a joy to watch, and he actually loves going to school. Last year, he got upset with Ginny for making a dental appointment during school hours because he didn't want to miss anything.

So I guess he's been cured of his ADHD By finding the right school!

You might want to look over your options, see if there are any alternative or charter schools in the area.

Meanwhile, let me know what they talked about at the meeting. Usually, they talk in way too much jargon for me and I try to pin them down to specifics (I end up attending a lot of IEPs through my work). The more you can find out what they are going to DO that is different than the "standard fare", the eaiser it is to make sure they're doing it. They often spend a whole lot of time on the goals and not enough on the interventions and accomodations. There's a lot you can do to make it work better, but it requires flexibility that most teachers don't have.

---- Steve

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annette10dance
Joined May 13, 2008
Posts: 91

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Posted:Aug 30, 2009 2:56:31 PM
Subject:Re: Hello

I think you should consider medication. ADHD affects the frontal lobe of the brain and the executive functions. The executive functions are planning and organizing work. The schoolwork in the upper grades demands attention to details and fine tuning reports. The teachers expect half decent work to turn it.

Medication works. He will also be able to "catch up" quickly and meet the demands of school. Also, kids with ADHD have difficulty making friends. He will say and do inappropriate things and be isolated from peers because he won't be able to read social cues. The medication works. Delaying medication will only make him struggle in school, social life and behavioral issues. Do you really want him to miss a whole year of learning just because you don't want him on medication?

I also think that the school is in a partnership with parents working together to teach our kids. How can we demand teachers and other students to deal with our kids if we parents don't do our part?
Keep in mind, that the whole class suffers with 1 or 2 kids with ADHD. I really think we have an obligation to our child and to society to do what in necessary to help our child.

I apologize for coming on so strong. I really think that not using medication for a child who needs it, is making the child and society suffer as well. If he had a different disease or disorder like high blood pressure or epilepsy, then would give him medication for it or just let him suffer?

The teachers and child study team can only provide so much time and patience. Eventually, the child will need to have learned some skills to go out into the workforce and live on his own without assistance. It's worth rethinking.

Annette

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Mandi
Joined May 05, 2008
Posts: 424

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Posted:Aug 30, 2009 3:49:08 PM
Subject:Hello

"I think you should consider medication. ADHD affects the frontal lobe of the brain and the executive functions. The executive functions are planning and organizing work. The schoolwork in the upper grades demands attention to details and fine tuning reports. The teachers expect half decent work to turn it."

This is just dishonest. according to NIMH, there is absolutely nothing (which the frontal lobe would qualify as) that can be tied to ADHD. That is why it iws called a disorder rather thana disease.

Early studies were done on this and it was shown initially that the ADHD brain had a frontal lobe frequently upto 5% smaller than that of a normal brain. it became front page news and now everyone is thumping it. However, the fact is, and this is also a wellestablished fact that those in these early studies had been on ritalin for atleast 3 years prior to and during this study. Later studies proved this is a long term side effect of ritalin. Allmore recent studies based on the frontal lobe theory for ADHD come back with no difference between the brains of those with it verses those without it having been found. In the frontal lobe or anywhere else in the body. That is a fact. Don't take it from me. Take it from Nimh. or Dr. Baughman, or many other dr.s who will tell you the truth about ADHD including Dr. Breggin. Would you please cease lieing about this disorder? Those of us who have it are not half human or retarded or too stupid to understand what it is we are said to have and how the fact that we are so labled with no credible organic proof backing any of it, that society is viewing us differently. Stop promoting this. it isn't right. You are promoting the equivalent of a witch hunt. And i for one, will not sit here politely and let you sit here misinforming people who should be given proper and legitimate information based in reality rather than fear mongering for the proffits of drug corporations.

"Medication works. He will also be able to "catch up" quickly and meet the demands of school. Also, kids with ADHD have difficulty making friends. He will say and do inappropriate things and be isolated from peers because he won't be able to read social cues. The medication works. Delaying medication will only make him struggle in school, social life and behavioral issues. Do you really want him to miss a whole year of learning just because you don't want him on medication?"

That is not entirely false. Medication DOES work. But lets look at thatl. Medication has been proven in studies to work for upto 3 years after which point the yummy side effects are still there and still effecting the child but the stuff the drug is supposed to be doing to help them has stopped happening. So at best with medication you are looking at a rather short term fix for ADHD, and you are potentially as these medications are what causes the defect in the frontal lobe destroying the self editing and the logical center of his brain. As a woman with ADHD who was once a child with it, i aplaud this mother standing firm against medication for her child until his brain has atleast finished developing at which point he can make his own choice about what to put into his body and brain all on his own.

Next point about medication, studies show that medications for ADHD which are stimulants are a class 2 drug alot more serious than they are discussed as being by moost doctors. They effect the brains of those with ADHD and those without it THE EXACT SAME WAY. That way is they effect a certain system of the brain the same way as cocaine does eliciting an enhanced reaction. That would be the seritonin of the brain. This is as a drug the equivalent of pumping your child full of cocaine for a short term effect that does not really do any of what it is claimed to do. Who isn't more laid back and easy going and driven when on cocaine?

Those with ADHD are in difficult straights often with peers not because of the ADHD but because of the lable. others view them differently and don't treat them the same. They drum up this bogus propaganda like you do and entirely forget and dismiss the fact that we are thinking feeling human beings who brains may or may not function a bit differently but are perceived to. And as a result we are not treated fairly or taken seriously or anything else so how can we have peer relationships? The lables have stolen that from us as what is a peer but an equal?

Uhhh doing our part as parents i thought was first and foremost protecting our children not medicating them into calm submission to the detrimant of their brain for something that there is no organic evidence for or test for. I guess i just don't get rationality after all i do have ADHD. What can i possibly know about reality? I am just some lunatic running around inflicting my behaviors on others. better that than inflicting my predjudices hatreds fear judgement condescension and blatant dishonest i think. But i suppose normal people would rather suffer blatant lies than someone who behaves perfectly normally holds a degree in archaeology speaks several languages has spent the last 15 years researching ADHD and will never try to speak to any other form of LD because i recognize i don't know jack about it. But this, this i do know about. But hey, maybe that is just in my delusional brain... After all those of us with ADHD are all child abusers right? We are the ones who raped little Jaycee as a child. After all her kidnapper did have ADHD. We are all the same. yes we gathered and had a satanic ceremony in which we all impregnanted her... And i am treated like i am delusional when there are normal people who believe this crap.

The fact is the behaviors of ADHD are very loosely defined and highly subject to opinion. Wer are bad or sick and no one can even prove anything is wrong with us. We can walk in to 1 shrink and he can say we are fine 1 day but then the next one we see is gettin some money for prescribing ritaline and BAM! we are labled. lets look at the reality of this. It is a billion dollar industry.

I am deeply wounded and offended that people spread such dishonest information about me. I am a normal person. Just like you in every way shape or form that can be found through the use of science. And you treat me and talk about me as if i am some kind of alien. i am an educated woman working towards another degree one in egyptology. And you think that i should just not speak up about this and that you are the information place to start. If this mother thought her child needed medicine she would have requested it. You do what you want for your children but how dare you try to guilt another mother into medicating her child? That is just evil and disgraceful and it is exactly what you did through the inuendo she is a bad mother if she chooses not to medicate. of all the vile schemes and disgusting putrid dishonest statements i have read of yours this might take the cake.

As a person, with or wsithout ADHD, i brought up the story of Jaycee because many are claiming this creep who took her has ADHD. Maybe he does maybe he doesn't i don't know. But having ADHD does not include the symptom of pedophilia or religious quackery or satanic evil in one's heart. I brought it up because in this climate being labled ADHD inspires terror in others. And it is simply not fair to us and i resent the media even violating that pathetic excuse for a human being's civil liberties of right to privacy to tell us he was ADHD as if that was why he did the gooddess auful thing that he did. I can not imagine why. The whole thing is horrifying and i feel so sorry for that young woman and for her family. But those with ADHD and those who are clearly defective as human beings lacking all humanity, are not typically the same thing. So i wish that the media wouldn't even mention it. After all presently in the USA over 20% of american youth are ADHD. What will they all grow up to be child rapists??? Please. Lets be realistic and stop promoting lies and hatred and stay honest. If this mother believed medication was in her son's best interest she would have asked for it. If she doesn't who are you to try to guilt her into it? How dare you.

Yes eventually a child will need skills and a functional brain to go out into the work force. maybe instead of sending him to school then in the usa where the education system ranks as the poorest in the western world she should instead send him to school in Finland where it ranks the highest, rather than medicating him. Plus typically it isn't till university wthat you get your work skills. So medicating him through middle school seems like over kill to me personally but then, i have not met him so i don't know what he is like but his mother doesn't seem to think medicatiopn is in his best interests so i have to assume she is right, as should you as you can only make choices for your own children you have no right to try to guilt other parents into medicating theirs.

Who are you to decide what will help someone else's child? Right no one. Not even someone educated at all in ADHD. Totally clueless passing along faulty information based in fear and predjudiced rather than reality.

I am sorry but i must ask, do you have a degree in ADHD? How many years of your life have you personally spent reading every journal article you have found on the subject and psychology books and even medical text books to try to understand ADHD and *ONLY* adhd. Because i have spent 15 years. And i am in no way certified as an expert. but what i say is based on the actual research.

"I apologize for coming on so strong. I really think that not using medication for a child who needs it, is making the child and society suffer as well. If he had a different disease or disorder like high blood pressure or epilepsy, then would give him medication for it or just let him suffer?"

No you don't apologize or you wouldn't do it to begin with after all you are not ADHD so how is it then that you are behaving just as if you did... impulsiveness there see? Someone could take this 1 statement about ADHD if you were ina shrink's office and declare you ADHD based on it. This is not a disease. This is not even organic. You lack the intellectual capacity to see it for what it is. I don't think society suffers from me at all but your mindset is KILLING CHILDREN. One of the after all side effects of these drugs is DEATH. Society sufferes from closed minded judgemental illeducated intellectually defunct arroogant predjudiced caterwauling folk who speak with no idea what they are talking about here you are reccommending medication to protect society from this woman's son.; You have never even met him! HOW DARE YOU!?! ADHD, IS A DISORDER LOOK IT UP IN THE DSM. Which means it is linkable TO NOTHING ORGANIC. Unlike these other diseases you are comparing it to. Which means in your faulty brain you are quite literally comparing apples and oranges. And this is not the first time you have done this. If it was i would be alot more polite in my response though i would still be strong in it. They need to put you away because you are a danger to society spreading false information about groups of people and individuals that you don't even know. How dare you?

I have ADHD. I have lived on my own since i was 17. I started doing the whole family's laundry when i was 8. I got my first job and held it through 4 years of highschool. I have traveled around the world i married a PHD in theoretical physics who also doesn't believe there is any scientific credibility to the diagnosis of ADHD. What is more, i went to school am back in school i live in europe now. My family every single 1 except my husband is back home in Boston. Yeh, i suspect if they had medicated me as a child long term that none of this would be the case as my brain would have fizzled. This is not my area of expertise chemistry in the brain and i am no brain surgeon but as one of my key areas is evolution i do feel my grasp of the brain is probably significantly better than the vast majority of people's as that is probably the largest key factor related to evolution. I don't know what else to say i am disgusted and horrified and deeply wounded and insulted by your post. Those with ADHD do not have koodis much of the information is manufactured for proffit and some of it is atleast partial true and you have no right to even suggest medication to a mother who chooses for her own reasons (likely care for her son) to not medicate. What right do you have? Oh i am furious.... I am ADHD so i suppose that makes me violent? No. It means that if you were sitting infront of me now i would tell you this not particularly calmly but i would never cross lines into violence why? Because i am a human being and i hold myself to the standards that i expect from others. And i refuse to settle for less from myself so even inr elaity i am not a threat to anyone medicated or unmedicated and how dare you slander me by implying that i am any such thing you ignorant dishonest... intellectualluy defunct graceless compassionless pathetic excuse for a thinking human being.

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