What happens after a diagnosis-how can it make things better

My son has had attention problems in school since pre-k. Throughout his school years he did not seem to learn anything at school, I had to simultaneously homeschool him after school every day, redo all his assignments that he didn't complete in school, study with him for exams.

It has been very hard for me because it was difficult to keep him focused, and frankly, some things he just never seemed to know how to do. I think I have been in denial all these years telling myself that he was OK and all this would pass and he would outgrow it, but it didn't.

My son has started middle school this year and surely enough, they noticed right away that something is wrong. He doesn't copy his homework right, he doesn't follow up on his assignments-he finds it difficult to complete more complicated tasks, especially writing projects. He is in school but he doesn't seem to retain anything that is taught there.

At this point I am a wreck. It took so much effort and often yelling to push him all these years through school and sometimes I was mean and then I was upset at myself but I didn't want him to repeat any grade so I tried so hard to make things right. I don't think I can continue teaching him at home, it's middle school now and I am not a teacher and all this time I feel like I was forcing him to study, forcing him to do things right, he himself has no desire to study and he has never become better organized. When there is work to be done, what happens is as if he is losing all energy, says he has a headache, tummyache-whatever-anything - he just doesn't want to study or do schoolwork.

I have been trying to do the impossible, doing my job, than being his teacher and then being his mother and trying to work out other things with him ( he is also slow in every day activities at home and I have to constantly try to correct this). My job has suffered a lot because of all this, because my son has become my focus and I stopped to focus on my work. I lost my job last year, it was my fault. I was lucky to find another one soon.

Anyway, this middle school has just had my son evaluated and we are waiting for results and I know they will find something is wrong. I checked some symptoms of dyslexia online and most of them apply and maybe there is something else as well.
I have a few questions:

(1) I just wonder once the diagnosis comes, what is it going to change and will it improve our life?
I know it will make things worse for my son as far as his friends are concerned - I mean , if he gets moved to a special education class now it's not going to get good reviews from his friends - you know how children are and sometimes I heard them talk bad about kids from special education classes. And he wants to hang out with cool guys. So it's not going to be good. Now I think it is my fault, that I should have had him evaluated earlier but when this was proposed to me I got so defensive and I thought-my son-never- he's all right and I will make everything work out. My mistake

(2) Another question is, is diagnosis going to help me in any way? Will I be finally relieved from teaching him at home? I just cannot imagine how he can learn in class, special or not - he just cannot focus in school - at home I have to refocus him every few minutes otherwise he won't finish anything-I can't imagine a teacher being able to do this. His teacher told me that special education or not - he will still have to pass tests - so that means that I would have to continue teaching him, am I correct?

My greatest fear is that if I stop teaching him he will drop out of school..But I am just so exhausted and feel like I cannot continue to teach him and do his homework with him, it's been so many years and I didn't improve anything....

I cannot afford any private tutor.

Sorry for the long post and I hope someone can answer my questions. Thank you

The school can complete an evaluation to see if your child qualifies for special eduation services, but they cannot make a medical diagnosis of your child.

A diagnosis is a tool. It can provide you with information to research and find your son the help or assistance he may need. A diagnosis will allow you the ability to research what options are available and empower you to make informed decisions. It is not the diagnosis -- in of itself -- that provides the remedy, but a diagnosis can give insight to determine what would or would not be an effective approach in order to begin helping your son.

Right now, you are understandably stressed and worried. See what the results reveal and take it from there.

glad to hear you are against medicating it is a poor idea i agree.
Next thing to discuss here.... Giving up. I understand your frusteration. Truly i do. I feel for you alot. But you are all he has. A child is a child. And you are wrong that it is sink or swim on his own. That is wholy true when adults fail in life. But when it is a child. The failu8re is not that of the child. The failure belongs to the support system in place for the child. I realize you are working your butt off and you are trying so hard and doing the best you can with what you have got. But it isn't always about the amount of riding him or the amount of pressure you place on him. Or even the amount of time you are spending on it with him. Often it is about the method you use to get the information through to him. Which is part of why i ask how does he learn best? Studying, isn't the answer i was looking for. Let me explain why.

When we study we study in different ways. Some people have to see things it has to all be presented visually for it to mean anything relevant inside their brain. Others, like me for example, must hear it. Someone has to say it to me for me to understand it. I have the equivalent of a photographic memory onluy with sounds. Especially words and speach. Does he learn better and study better through a discussion format??? Or through hea\ring the information he has to take in? For some that is really the main way they get it.

For others who are very kinesthetic, they have to associate stuff somehow with different hmmm.... sensations physically.

Others learn through activities that they take part in. For example, next time you want to take him to the archaeology exhibite at the museum to teach him about strata layers, don't bother. Get a shovel find where a local dig is turning up interesting stuff take him down there and make him voluteer to dig and go dig with him so he is learning through doing. Don't take him to the ballet. Make him go take a ballet class in which he participates. Foor some kids that is the best method of study.

There is another issue here too. Many kids, myself included, can not learn anything from someone they really don't like. No offense i don't know your son i don't know how he feels about you. I am sure he loves you but i am also sure as no kid always likes his parents that he likes you all the time. I am sure he really dislikes you with some frequency when you ride him so hard to study study study clearly without any idea of how it works best for him to take in the information. I think first you should watch him and figure that out. Then go from there. If i were you too, i would also start making more effort to have fun with him. Do things he enjoys not just always study study study. Because if he enjoys your company he will eventually begin to like spending time studying learning from you because he is learning then from someone cool that he likes. Someone he respects and enjoys.

The people who acheive the most inlife are the ones who are inspired to work the hardest by their support suystem. Not the ones who just work the hardest beecause they are hard workers. Mozart for example was a notorious play boy. Many of the people who accomplished the most in life are just that. Theuy succeed because they have the love and the support of those closest to them. And they don't want to let those people down. Hard to care when you don't really like the person around you most even if you do love her because she is yhour mother.

I agree being homeless and in the street would be the worst. I suggest reading some books on teaching children with LD. I also think your idea about getting some support for yourself is a really good one.

Show your son learning is fun and he will want to learn show him how tough and hard work it is and he will run screaming in the opposite direction. Find out if he is an interpersonal learner or not and how else he learns best then apply methods that work best for people who learn the way he does. You may finally hafve some success.

i wish you luck

One thing that a proper diagnosis can do is shift the blame that is often laid on a child (and sometimes consequently the parent) to the actual underlying condition. Using your example of dyslexia, a child who has this will often express as a secondary feature behvaiors consistant with ADHD. So when they have trouble with reading in school, or processing multistep instructions, they may be called lazy, or daydreamer, or obstinant, when what is really going on is a neurological impairment to the typical ability to process auditory instructions, read the written word, organize executive functioning and retrieve information upon demand.

Left undiagnosed, the child may begin to accept that they are indeed lazy, worthless, whatever. So the child assumes the responsibility for a condition well beyond their ability to control (at least in the immediate short run). At the same time, the school has allowed themselves to be let off the hook for failure to identify early, when intervention has the greatest "punch", and saves temselves the costs associated with more individualized instruction that is necessary to help a dyslexic person overcome the worst of their processing deficit.

After all, why should the schools care about one child when they have hundreds to shove through the system (as contrasted to the parent who is concerned with each of their cubs). By neglecting to correctly identify the true condition, the school can just push the child through under social promotion (in the name of protecting the esteem of a child they may have made feel is at fault for their inability to succeed), and once the student reaches high school and the rules change, they can drop out and go flip burgers or pick up garbage. After all, society needs low level job holders, and once they are out of the school system (regardless of how they exit) they become someone else's problem.

This is a large part of the reason why NCLB was written and enacted with very strong bi-partisan support. An interesting part of NCLB is the concept of "scientifically validated methods" being codified. This is why accuracy in diagnosis is so critical. There are proven programs and methods for helping children with CAPD, dyslexia and autism achieve remediation.Certainly, not every single child can be reached or brought into typical range. But gain is still gain, and achieving a higher level of functioning, even in the absence of full recovery is still not only a goal that is worthy of the effort, refusal to even try is against Federal Law and can and will result in judgements in favor of the student if it can be proved.