19 year old daughter refuses to grow up

You have more than you think you do as leverage. You have the food in your fridge yes? You have the roof over her head no? She pays no rent?

Here are my thoughts, I have ADHD. I am married i am an archaeologist. Nothing came easy. It is really hard and you get reallyy bogged down and the suystems we have really don't work well for people with minds like mine. It isn't a disease we can do it. We must do it. My parents live in Boston MA. I am presently married to a PHD in theoretical physics and we live in Vienna. We take care of eachother and our pets. I have very rarely and only for short spans of time been medicated. Even though i am atleast a moderate case. So they tell me.

Highschool was incredibly hard and unjust. We wear out i think faster than most people do. We go so fast and our minds work at such a high speed and then we crash.

Still, if it is your house, you have the right to expect certain things burn out or no. This is a cycle it is a pattern we have we have our up more active times and our crashes. We have trouble keepuing level. We need help to regulate that. You are not wrong to ask for help.

My thoughts are, start small. Tell her she can't ;ive at home living off of you eating your food unless she is doing something. Start small. First get the list of courses offered locally for adult education in your area, non acredited. Let her pick anything she wants. Let her decide what of those she wants to go to. But tell her she needs to be taking atleast 3 doing something maybe something small but something. Otherwise she needs a job and in the current economy that is nearly impossible to get if you aren't ADD so if you are, you are double screwed. The reason i recommend adult ed rather than a college university program is, she has forgotten something critical and she does need a break of sorts, to remember there can joy in learning and learning can be fun. So atleast it is something... Maybe they offer jewelry making courses??? Or novel writing??? Or a cooking class??? SOMETHING ANYTHING to start with so she can find the joy in learning again and then let her have some time to enjoy herself learning at a low maintenance level and then maybe give a another little push when she is doing better.... To try some college courses for credit part time... and go from there. That is my advice.

I like Mandi's suggestions to start small. I picture a family discussion about planning for the new year. Your daughter may have some goals, such as studying for her drivers license, taking one class, getting a part time job. Ask her what help the family can be to help her achieve those goals. Then set a schedule and help her plan the steps she needs to take. If you are sitting on the sofa you don't get to the door in one step. There are a number of small steps you take to achieve your goal.

I have a 22 year old son with serious learning disabilities. He has done very well, but even now we provide support for him to be successful. As a family we have discussed a few possibilities for a class in January. We went to the local community to walk around and see what was available. Then we went to a community education site where the driving and parking would be easier. Which of these two places do you want to sign up for.

So, for many growing up is more of a challenge. It doesn't mean they can't, it just means that they need some extra guidance and support. Your expectation that they will do these things means that you have confidence in their ability. Sitting by watching them do nothing, translates sometimes to "they don't think I can do this."

Angela