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ADD - separation


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Joined: Jan 22, 2010
Posts: 1
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Posted Jan 22, 2010 at 4:25:20 PM
Subject: ADD - separation

I was diagnosed with ADD approximately 5 years ago. I sought out a diagnosis strictly for my difficulties with my education. I did not realize the ramifications that ADD would have on my marriage.

My husband came to me two months ago and stated he can no longer "do this". He says he still loves me and cares for me a great deal, but he is no longer 'in love with me'. I have caused a lot of pain, due to my ADD tendencies. He has found that he has lost himself as an individual, because all he has been doing during our 12 years of marriage is accomodate his wants/needs/desires to make living with me and my unpredictable mood swings manageable.

He does not want to work on our marriage because he is no longer in love with me. He remains in the home, we have 2 wonderful children, to see our children daily and to support me with therapy to manage my ADD (I have found a Psychiatrist that specializes in Adult ADD).

I love my husband and the life we have created together. I hate the thought of not having him in my life until 'death do we part', I hate the thought of our children being put in this situation.

Has anyone gone through a similar situation?

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Leo
Joined May 26, 2007
Posts: 28

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Posted:Jan 22, 2010 10:00:14 PM

Hi, this must be a time of great stress for you.
There is an author, Gina Pera, who sort of specializes in educating people about the stress and problems that are particular to coules in which one or both have ADD or ADHD. Her first book on this is called:
Is it you, me or ADD?

You might want to check the book out and look at her web site: www.adhdrollercoaster.org

Good luck to you. It is good that you are seeking support.

I am a parent interested in helping my 19 yo dtr, newly dx with dyslexia and working memory problems, start and be successful in college.

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Testaclese
Joined Dec 19, 2014
Posts: 69

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Posted:Mar 05, 2010 2:55:23 AM

Quote Carol-Ann:

I was diagnosed with ADD approximately 5 years ago. I sought out a diagnosis strictly for my difficulties with my education. I did not realize the ramifications that ADD would have on my marriage.

Quote Carol-Ann:

My husband came to me two months ago and stated he can no longer "do this". He says he still loves me and cares for me a great deal, but he is no longer 'in love with me'. I have caused a lot of pain, due to my ADD tendencies. He has found that he has lost himself as an individual, because all he has been doing during our 12 years of marriage is accomodate his wants/needs/desires to make living with me and my unpredictable mood swings manageable.

Quote Carol-Ann:

He does not want to work on our marriage because he is no longer in love with me. He remains in the home, we have 2 wonderful children, to see our children daily and to support me with therapy to manage my ADD (I have found a Psychiatrist that specializes in Adult ADD).

Quote Carol-Ann:

I love my husband and the life we have created together. I hate the thought of not having him in my life until 'death do we part', I hate the thought of our children being put in this situation.

Quote Carol-Ann:

Has anyone gone through a similar situation?

Your husband sounds like a jerk.

My sister got an ADD dx and it turned out that her ADD was merely a symptom of adrenal fatigue, drinking too much, the use of Adderal, a vitamin D deficiency, menopause, stress and a sleep disorder.

IMHO ADD is a catch-all term for something systemic that effects the CNS.

Doctors suck and a psychiatrist with a prescription pad will ruin more lives than cancer. Find out what is really wrong with you. It may take some time and some research and you will run into a lot of BS from a lot of quacks.

Get tested for hormones, and nutritional deficiency and give hubby a polygraph.

I hate to say it but women are often flakier than a box of granola and nuttier than a fruit cake but a real man would stick by you, love you and help you as best he can.

In the meantime get in good shape physically and attract a real man who knows how to treat a real woman.

Get a real diagnosis and get a real man and nail this jerk for as much alimony and child support as you can.

Sincerely,

Dear Abby
[Modified by: Testaclese on March 05, 2010 02:59 AM]

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Mandi
Joined May 05, 2008
Posts: 424

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Posted:Mar 17, 2010 4:12:31 AM

I don't agree with Testaclese's lovely words on women. Smacks of sexism to me. But, i do kinda agree on the subject of your spouse. What a jerk. My husband knows i am diagnosed with ADD and dyslexia. Even when things get hard, he sticks by me and i know he always will. I also agree with Testaclese on the reality of what ADD is. Over diagnosed to extreme with no foundation in physical reality. If you are having such real issues i urge you to go find out what they are. Over 400 physically relevant things some of which can kill you if left unchecked and dealt with can cause all the symptoms of ADD. So please, go find out what is really wrong. Use science not pseudo science.

Men suck as a general rule though. Better to get a dog than a man most of the time. So go get a nice pet puppy and train it. Then you will not be lonely and you will not have to deal with male jerkiness anymore. And please, I beg you, find out what is really going on with you because it sounds like something really is. Mood swings are not even a symptom of ADD. They are a symptom however of a thyroid condition as is lack of attention span and many other things. I am not a doctor. But i am also not an idiot. So i recommend before turning to ADD and buying into that whole hysteria first you start with your body and physical reality. You might want to get your thyroid checked, just to be safe....

Your children are not being put in this situation. You are. And that is too bad. But he will still be there for them it seems as he is staying in the home. Do not make this about them because this has nothing to do with them. The fact that he is staying close to see them every day shows this situation has nothing to do with them. If that is the attitude you are taking then be aware as a child of divorced parents, that position can and probablyh will cause more harm to your kids than the fact that you and your husband are splitting up will. Anyway, if i were you and this guy was leaving me over that, I would be saying halleluaja the jerk is gone!!!

I am sorry, ADD symptoms are not particularly serious and extreme. They can be annoying at times sure, makes education a bit harder, but, it isn't sufficient to cause divorces... Atleast not on their own. You might want to look into what the real issues are. Perhaps there are other contributing reasons for this divorce? Maybe things have been hard for him for a while and he has found a soft place with someone else? Who knows? But i know ADD can not all on it's own be sufficient to bust up a marriage with 2 children in the mix.

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Testaclese
Joined Dec 19, 2014
Posts: 69

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Posted:Mar 20, 2010 1:54:38 PM

Quote Mandi:

I don't agree with Testaclese's lovely words on women. Smacks of sexism to me. But, i do kinda agree on the subject of your spouse. What a jerk. My husband knows i am diagnosed with ADD and dyslexia. Even when things get hard, he sticks by me and i know he always will. I also agree with Testaclese on the reality of what ADD is. Over diagnosed to extreme with no foundation in physical reality. If you are having such real issues i urge you to go find out what they are. Over 400 physically relevant things some of which can kill you if left unchecked and dealt with can cause all the symptoms of ADD. So please, go find out what is really wrong. Use science not pseudo science.

Quote Mandi:

Men suck as a general rule though. Better to get a dog than a man most of the time. So go get a nice pet puppy and train it. Then you will not be lonely and you will not have to deal with male jerkiness anymore. And please, I beg you, find out what is really going on with you because it sounds like something really is. Mood swings are not even a symptom of ADD. They are a symptom however of a thyroid condition as is lack of attention span and many other things. I am not a doctor. But i am also not an idiot. So i recommend before turning to ADD and buying into that whole hysteria first you start with your body and physical reality. You might want to get your thyroid checked, just to be safe....

Quote Mandi:

Your children are not being put in this situation. You are. And that is too bad. But he will still be there for them it seems as he is staying in the home. Do not make this about them because this has nothing to do with them. The fact that he is staying close to see them every day shows this situation has nothing to do with them. If that is the attitude you are taking then be aware as a child of divorced parents, that position can and probablyh will cause more harm to your kids than the fact that you and your husband are splitting up will. Anyway, if i were you and this guy was leaving me over that, I would be saying halleluaja the jerk is gone!!!

Quote Mandi:

I am sorry, ADD symptoms are not particularly serious and extreme. They can be annoying at times sure, makes education a bit harder, but, it isn't sufficient to cause divorces... Atleast not on their own. You might want to look into what the real issues are. Perhaps there are other contributing reasons for this divorce? Maybe things have been hard for him for a while and he has found a soft place with someone else? Who knows? But i know ADD can not all on it's own be sufficient to bust up a marriage with 2 children in the mix.

Then again, a hormonally challenged woman can be brutal and we don't know his side. He probably is a jerk but I have seen women that are so F'd up that they can be maddening.

Also, people make excuses or they are misled into attributing all their problems to one thing. When my wife got hormonal she was like Jeckyl and Hyde. She's be feeling like crap and since I was closest by she would blame me for why she felt like crap. I took her crap for a while and then I told her to get her butt to a decent doctor and I found a good one and she went had he helped her tremendously. He's a GP and an OB/GYN but he anti-drug and that is a good thing. My wife had low vitamin D levels and after supplementation she is doing much better. She is sharper and more rational...kind like a man except she smells better.

I firmly believe that after age 40 or sooner the ovaries should be removed and the woman should be placed on HRT. I think we would see a huge reduction in cancers and the divorce rate would plummet.

I have a friend who is dating a transgendered women and he wishes he had done that sooner. She looks like a super model and she is very stable mentally. That's better than the "real thing".

Now Mandi, there could be a chance for reconciliation for them. He sure sounds like a jerk BUT he may have been put through the ringer by her.
I was ready to throw in the towel on my marriage and if she had refused to see that doctor I would have left her. Today my wife is the same sweet thing I married but we had several years of hormone hell.

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Larry P
Joined Jun 15, 2010
Posts: 1

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Posted:Jun 15, 2010 9:38:22 PM

Quote Leo:

Hi, this must be a time of great stress for you.
There is an author, Gina Pera, who sort of specializes in educating people about the stress and problems that are particular to coules in which one or both have ADD or ADHD. Her first book on this is called:
Is it you, me or ADD?

Quote Leo:

You might want to check the book out and look at her web site: www.adhdrollercoaster.org

Quote Leo:

Good luck to you. It is good that you are seeking support.

Thanks you for the post.
Hi guys, Im a newbie. Nice to join this forum.

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dhfl143
Joined Jan 25, 2008
Posts: 267

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Posted:Jun 15, 2010 10:08:58 PM

LarryP - Welcome to LDonline's forum!

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