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what would you do if this happened to your child


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Joined: Jun 13, 2010
Posts: 6
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Posted Jun 14, 2010 at 9:48:03 AM
Subject: what would you do if this happened to your child

First time post just wondering how you would feel or what you would do if this happened to you child
My child 11 is in a 5th grade ec class for the higher learning ld children they are all good kids I have had problems thru out the year but the last 2 day have put me over the edge So here is what happened 2 days left in school my son has a field trip to a park (where they went when he was in kindergraden) I have to say I was sad for him not mush of a end of year field trip then I got mad I found out from his mainstream friends all the mainstream 5th and 6th graders went to a go cart and arcade theme park for there feild trip I was going to let it go The next day which is the last day I go to school for the awards day I am waiting in the gym which if full of students teachers and parents When I see my sons class arrive his teacher comes to me and tell me we have to go back to the classroom that Ec is not allowed to have there awards there I ask why and I am told to see the principle I go see the principle and she says no they are to be here that his teacher made that decision I walk back to meet the class and I am met by the teacher who is crying saying that she did not make the choice that the principle was out 2 days
and that others made the choice but would not tell me the others involved ( she said she was scared she would be fired) but she did have 2 other ec teachers an assistant and a janitor varify it. I have been trying to get back intouch with principle but she will not see or contact me now what do I do I am very hurt with this
What should I do and how should I handle this
[Modified by: motomom on June 16, 2010 11:46 PM]

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dhfl143
Joined Jan 25, 2008
Posts: 244

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motomom Welcome to LDOnline!

I am sorry to hear that your child's class was not included in the amusement park field trip and was not allowed to attend the award ceremony.

Does your child have an Individual Education Plan or a 504 Plan currently in place? What does EC stand for? Does your child attend school in the United States? There are protections in the U.S. for students with disabilities under ADA that might have bearing on this issue.

These articles found on LDOnline might be of interest:

"...no otherwise qualified individual with a disability ... shall, solely by reason of his or her disability, be excluded from the participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected to discrimination under any program or activity receiving federal financial assistance." (see
http://www.ldonline.org/article/6101)

http://www.ldonline.org/article/5718

http://www.ldonline.org/article/5718?theme=print

In addition, the following thread provides additional resources that might prove helpful:
http://millermom.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=Education&thread=10869

[Modified by: dhfl143 on June 15, 2010 02:55 PM]

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motomom
Joined Jun 13, 2010
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Thanks for the post yes my son does have a IEP which stated that he is to be mainstreamed for activies including field trips and yes we do live in the US
EC mean Exceptional Children
I really wont to fight this I think that this was all very mean but I need to know what is the best way to get results I dont think that anyone person is better than another and I teach my son the same I will not sit by and watch grown adults treat anyone like they have treated these kids they are good kids and deserve better but I need help so if anyone has any idea please let me know
[Modified by: motomom on June 16, 2010 11:40 PM]

[Modified by: motomom on June 16, 2010 11:47 PM]

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motomom
Joined Jun 13, 2010
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Posted:Jun 16, 2010 11:51:07 PM

The principle finaly called me back and I have setup a meeting with her on Monday
What should I do now I really wont to go prepared

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Mandi
Joined May 05, 2008
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Posted:Jun 17, 2010 3:21:54 AM

If it were me i would hide a tiny camera in a hat or something. And i would go in prepare for a lawsuit to get evidence. Here is the thing everything they say to you they can just deny later or ignore later. So, my advice is go in with a camera wired for sound. Don't tell them you have it. Record everything. See if they make all the changes they should to be back in line with the laws. If not, give the story and the tape to the local media. I am sick of people screwing around and getting things lost in the system. It is just designed to leave everyone without recourse anyway. Yes you can complain here or there, but the best thing you can do is inflame others in your area who pay property taxes by telling them the story and making them see your child as a victim of this system and making them see themselves as being duped into assisting this system and those in charge in mistreating a bunch of poor LD child. It would make a good story and honestly considering it happens all the time i don't understand why no parents ever circumvent the system by demanding better for their kids now rather than 5 years from now when the system finally gets around to it.

You are likely to get some lame apology and next year it will all repeat all over again. They don't change, unless you force them to. They like how it is working now too much. They are running it the way they see fit and they are the ones with the training in education not you so who are you to complain? But, because they want to keep doing it their way they will do a little apology and bumm kissing and seem all sincere before they turn around and do it all over.

It WAS mean. But they are going to make excuses... And in the end like the rest of parents who get mad once it is explained to you you will likely accept it and say well they know best... Likely they will tell you about how much money they would have to spend to add additional staff to monitor the ld children who would never just sit quietly and behave that is why after all they are in a different class, they aren't normal. They can't be trusted out in public so much and the public can't be trusted with them, they have LD, they are some lesser form of intelligence and must be overly managed at all times. And in the end you will accept that as parents really don't want to fight about these things and they did accept their kid was different when they had them evaluated so on some level though it troubles you, in the end... well... Is it really worth the effort?

You might also call a meeting over the breakage of the IEP and go after them on the grounds they did not honor it. Which is anoth thing i would do. If it were me i would make an example of this school district and put the fear of god into all the others through use of the court system and the media. I would sue everyone personally responsible for violating my child's IEP. What was the point of getting one if they are not following it? They are legally bound to follow it. So when your child was kept from the fun field trip, they broke the law in not just one way but actually a multitude of ways violating his legally binding IEP discriminating against him and violating his civil rights.

I was once a child with LD, now i am an adult who was dyslexic as a kid. The stuff you parents let these people get away with it is... incredible.... I mean you heard about it this time. But does your son even know what is in his own IEP??? Does he even know when to complain to you that they are not keeping up with their legal obligation? Just because you heard about it this time doesn't mean there have not been multitudes of similar or other events that violate his IEP that you don't even know about. As they proved their with these current actions how much they evidently care what is written in it. You can't trust them. You need to be a watchdog all the time. Because you are the one who is going to teach your child the most valuable lessons in this lifetime. And one of the most valuable lessons one can teach one's child is about how we allow others to treat us. Because they will do to us, whatever makes them feel good without caring about us, especially if we are viewed as somehow less than other or broken by society. The most abused portion of the american people is actually the one that is disabled. So, don't buy the excuses and the reasoning. Don't wait years. Don't tell him he is a marginal person at best. Tell them, that they are going to be marginalized for marginalizing your child. Because no one has the right to violate laws and to do that to another HUMAN BEING. And that they better prepare for some crap to hit the fan related to the IEP violation as well. Teach your child that he is a valuable member of society rather than that he is a lesser member. Teach him to hold the standard by which others treat him to be very high and teach him too to hold his own standard of conduct towards others very high. I get the sense you are doing the latter. But the former may be even more important.

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motomom
Joined Jun 13, 2010
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Posted:Jun 17, 2010 10:47:07 AM

Mandi I agree with alot that you have said but you also assume and generalize alot in this post the fact is I am ready to do what it takes to stand up and protect my child because he is not a marginal person He does not have any behavioral problems and conducts himself with more repect for teacher and others than the common mainstream student as he has a pure heart and it touches most that meet him so no he is not lesser he is exceptional and I will not let anyone treat him lesser I just need help in how to take the right steps stick it to the school

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Mandi
Joined May 05, 2008
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Posted:Jun 17, 2010 5:56:56 PM

You are right i do generalize. But you must understand, i have been surrounded by these issues my entire life. I have watched so many people wanting to deal with it and then just giving up. So yes i was generalizing. And perhaps you will be the acception to the general rule of thumb in these things. I hope you are.

I agree with you. Your son sounds like a sweet bright little boy who deserves the best that can be provided for him rather than the left overs remaining after they have fully provided for the main stream program. I agree with you completely there.

As someone who has spent a life time watching people deal with this crap, here is my advice...

1. Do NOT go to any meeting alone. Take a second person with you at all times. So that they can verify what was said and be a witness to the statements made by all parties so it never winds up your word against someone else's.

2. Recording anything and everything is your friend. You want as much documentation of all your dealings with these people in any and every form you can manage. Because they are not honest. They have proved this already by violating the laws related to discrimination.

3. They do not care about the IEP as they are in violation of it. And it has hurt your baby. So you must look out for not only your son's needs but his *wants* as well. You are his advocate your duty is 2 fold in that. Many parents seem to forget that when they represent their LD child. What he needs and what he wants on occasion may come into conflict... Somehow, you need to be the decider till he is older and also the magic maker that somehow makes it all work out for him. It is a tough roll to play.

4. In your dealings with this nonsense and the education system, be a stickler about writing EVERYTHING down. Infact the more of your communications that happen in a written format between you and the principal for example the better. Because the written word lasts forever. Don't believe me? Go ask the ancient egyptians. It is a great tool. Be very detailed in what is set down on paper.

I generalize a lot because people want to believe thigns about different industries that just are not really true. For example, people love the pharmaceutical industry when they have a kid with an LD. They tend to think these wonderful people developing these wonderful drugs to help the sick people. When the reality is, it is a capitalist system. They do it for profit. Especially as it relates to medicating for LD in children. It is an industry. Not about helping people but about making money that is what every industry is.

Schools are not any different. Teachers don't teach solely because they love spending time with children and educating them, they do it for profit. Everything in this world is about profit. And for the same reason the pharmaceutical companies are broken the education system is broken tool I generalize true because i am speaking not of a person but of a system. A machine. That functions in my opinion extremely poorly. So i don't think it is the same as just generalizing in the way you seem to want to view it. you are making it a personal thing viewing the structure as a group of people. It isn't that, it is a system made up of people sure. Some who really are there because they love it. More because they like making money. Not that alot of them make a fortune but still, it is an industry. So please understand that these machines they function pretty much in larger part the same way just about everywhere no matter who is part of them. It is rare for much of anyone to make any difference. And the part i love the most, is that these systems of education we have are actually the worst in the western world.... So yes i generalize and about parents too but i think i explained that already.

I don't assume much of anything. I have been there. I have watched this scenario unfold time and time again and watched it play out. The system is designed to just wear you down till you don't have the will to fight this nonsense anymore. It is a rare exceptional person that keeps fighting such a losing battle. And the reason it is a losing battle is because the larger public is not aware of it. It is hidden behing the beaurocracy that you have to deal with in representing your child. The only way anything ever changes in the USA in my experience is when there is enough public outcry and public awareness and anger. But there never is any about this issue. Because people are ashamed and they don't want attention they just want success in their small matter. The thing is the system works the same pretty much everywhere so your small matter is actually massive. And it won't change unless more than the parent of 1 child demands change.

I don't assume anything. I take the time to educate myself on the issue of how the machine works. Perhaps you should also. Not just find out who to go to about this.... But more importantly read up on the functioning of the system and have a better understanding of just how cruel and unfair it actually is to the average student and how completely abusive it tends to be to an exceptional child like yours.

It also might be worth having a discussion with your son to tell him what is in his IEP. That way, he can start to remind them. He is a little boy, but if he has an LD, another of the best things you can teach him, and you gotta start young, is to advocate for himself. Make him aware of what their obligations to him are so he can remind them if they forget or so he knows when he is getting a raw deal and can tell you so you can deal with it.

I think the best way to stick it to them is to bring the media on board and start the movement that will make people demand a different way of functioning from this machine we call the education system. If they did this to my child that is what i would do. Also if you do that, you will likely wind up with lots of people calling and offering assistance to help you find the proper channels to rip the school system a new one as i am not sure what those are. Also, if you do this, other parents of children like yours who are sick of getting trampled may then either know which agencies to go through because you made the issue so public, or they will grow some balls to fight because they saw you fight. Even if you are not succesfull with this matter also it doesn't matter, the point is you drew attention to it so even if it can never be fixed for your son, the next mother in your position will have an easier time of getting through it and getting a beneficial result for their child.

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motomom
Joined Jun 13, 2010
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Posted:Jun 17, 2010 10:48:39 PM

Thanks Mandi I have to say I agree with what you have said and really appreciate the time you have taken to post And I will now take a second person to the meeting It has been moved to Monday I will update after the meeting Thanks Again

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Mandi
Joined May 05, 2008
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Posted:Jun 18, 2010 9:17:11 AM

I am glad to hear you will not go alone.

Remember written down in detail is a good thing. Everything must be written in alarming detail, think Tolkien or Tolstoy when you go in to deal with this. I am glad you are taking a second person with you. Because this system and those involved with what you are going to be dealing with in large part (though not everyone) have gotten where they are by saving the school system money by cutting corners like the ones you reported in your initial post. They tend to be masters at jerking people around. A second person hearing the statements they make, makes that a lot more difficult for them to do. As does writing down everything in detail.

Good luck on monday and all the best to you and your son.

Just remember, words are just words and a conversation, is just a conversation. It is actions which earn trust not words. So when you aproach this, you stand firm and you make it clear you are willing to play ball so long as everyone gets their turn at the bat and so long as everyone holds up their end of the stick and make it exceedingly clear to them, that you are watching them VERY VERY closely, because you understand that words are just words. You might also like to tell them, that you have explained your son's IEP to him so he is watching them VERY VERY closely too, and that to your mind, given their breeches already his good word means more to you than theirs does, so, they better act in a fashion as to be earning the trust that they have already flushed down the toilet, from here on out.

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motomom
Joined Jun 13, 2010
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Posted:Jun 23, 2010 9:29:13 AM

Update
The meeting was canceled by principle due tp her father being in the hospital Will update when we get to have meeting

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Mandi
Joined May 05, 2008
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Posted:Jun 23, 2010 2:44:58 PM

iSure he was... Dd sh v yu hs nam room number and name of the hospital for verification? If not, i would have trouble believing her considering.... Instead i would assume, she was just pushing back the meeting in hopes you would get over it and disapear with your complaint so that she wouldn't have to deal with it. You wouldn't believe the stunts i have seen these people pull to get out of acknowledging bad deeds or so that they could not be forced to do things the way the law demands. Seriously, you wouldn't believe some of this stuff....

Well don't go away. Remake the meeting asap, and if she cancels again try to go above her head. Or go elsewhere with your complaint like the media. So that she is forced to deal with you.

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