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Parenting a Child with LD or ADHD

New to this forum/ Help! Son is College Bound


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Joined: Feb 08, 2011
Posts: 3
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Posted Feb 08, 2011 at 2:42:32 PM
Subject: New to this forum/ Help! Son is College Bound

Hi everyone! Boy I wish I had discovered this a long time ago!! My son has been diagnosed with language based ld/math ld since 2nd grade. He has had alot of intervention and accomadations and very supportive school district with great learning support teachers. Now he is off to college! Very, very scary for sure going through this process. With much research and tutoring he has been selected to 2 colleges. He was just reevaluated for his final report to send to college so he can get accomadations. Boy was that a huge shock! My son is a straight B student in high school and has overcome so much diversity to get through. The results of his tests were so low and does not at all reflect his grades and sucesses he has accomplished through high school. My questions has any other parents been through this and their kids have gone off to college and been successful. I am more worried now than ever that we have to choose the right college for him. If anyone could give me any advice on colleges in Pa, especially Kutztown I would appreciate it for sure.

Thanks

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Mandi
Joined May 05, 2008
Posts: 424

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Posted:Feb 08, 2011 7:14:48 PM

I don't think this college is in PA, but it does specialize in LD. I do believe it even accepts only LD students. It is called Landmark College or university.

My cousin did her first year there. She loved it. She was very happy there.

I am not sure what kind of financial accomedations they offer if any. You would have to look into that. But, for LD, Landmark is the best place to go. No other university can come close to it anywhere in the country on how it handles students with LD. By that same token as it is such a specialized program, i am fairly sure the financial expense is also colossal.

Here is what i want to say to you though, and please don't take offense i am not trying to be rude. I speak, as a child that had LD who did go away to college. That was some time ago. I became an archaeologist. I have dyslexia yet i speak six plus languages. I am happily married to a PhD in theoretical physics. I live at the moment in Vienna Austria. My whole family aside from my husband is back in Boston MA. (Yes, even ld people have the capacity for complete independence.) We move constantly for my husband's job. He works i manage the international moves between writing about evolution. We are beginning to plan having babies of our own soon. I have not seen my home in over 3 years, and i am doing just fine. I have not seen my family in that time too except for 1 week once a year, and then only my mother. My father was just a crazy about the ld stuff i finally had to cut him out of my life. Sadly he left me no choice. The point is, i may have quit school and gone back some years later, i got a degree and a married a highly educated man and i landed on my feet and i was finally able to be my own person. That is something every ld person must be permitted to do. Be their own individual self.

You say, "we have to choose the right college for him."

As a child with LD, you are constantly being forced to accomedate others and give in to their well intentioned agendas. Usually how you feel is not taken into much consideration. Oh they ask you your opinion and then they in the end decide for you and tell you it is in your own best interests.

People forget, that we do have independent minds. Even our parents... If i told you what my parents did to me the first time round with college... It was horrible. I spent a year there quit and lived my life for years working crappy jobs, but ya know, i was happier than if i had stayed at the college of their choosing studying the thing they had selected with the accomedations they had chosen for me.

There comes a point when you do need to start to let go. Have you considered the possibility that the best college for your child may not be in PA? Have you considered the possibility that there are programs out there in other places that may be better geared towards his needs and may not be available in PA? In which case, would the perfect school for him only exist if it happened to be in PA?

I think, this isn't the least bit up to you. The more you tighten your grip on this, the less he is going to want any part of university life or education. Because this will be one more thing that he is doing for you when he is tired of doing for you and has struggled so long and so hard, for you, that he has perhaps earned the right to make these decisions for himself. I am not trying to parent your child for you. I have never met him. I am just letting you know from a perspective of someone who has lived all this how it may feel inside your son right now. And he may be unable to even say it to you. I told my parents over and over... They just refused to hear me. But for many of us, they have trouble explaining such matters to family because they feel as if they are a giant disapointment for being different. So they work so hard to do the best they can, not because education matters so much for them, but because they see how much it matters to the people that they love. And they struggle so long and so hard, while no one they love even recognizes their independent identity and their independence of thought, and just when it is finally over... Oops! 4 more years coming up! Last thing many ld sufferers want to endure after the 12 nightmarish years they have already put in...

Just please, think about this and read it and understand i am not trying to critiscise you. I am trying, to help you understand a possible alternative out look to this situation, one which your child may have and may not have.

If i were you i would look into Landmark no matter where it is located. Their program is second to none. I would also say, if you reject Landmark just because it is not located in PA then you are doing your child a huge disservice.

I would also recommend that you go visit some different universities in PA and perhaps in the surrounding area with him. See which ones he feels the most connection to.

Good luck!
And all the best to your son

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zacamie
Joined Feb 08, 2011
Posts: 3

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Posted:Feb 08, 2011 7:57:29 PM

Wow thanks for that lecture! First of all my question was in relation to his last evaluation and how shocked I was in the descrepincies there! Just wanted to know if any PARENT and their child had this happen.

Second my son does want to go to college. We have a very open relationship and always have. He has stated time and time again that is his goal and we will support him in WHATEVER he does, even if he decides not to go to college. He has every option open to him. I might have phrased a sentence wrong in my question but let's get one thing straight I AM NOT picking the college for him, he has picked what colleges he wants to visit apply to and so on! He has told us that he does not want to be far away for the first year. I am listening to what he wants not what I want for him.

As far as Landmark College, $57,000 is way out of our budget! We have looked into every college support programs and he has meet with advisors so he is comfortable with the program. It sounds like your parents were not like that at all and tried to make all your decisions for you.

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Mandi
Joined May 05, 2008
Posts: 424

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Posted:Feb 09, 2011 3:52:53 AM

Sounds like i offended when that was not my intention. I apologize.

Yes, Landmark is alarmingly expensive. I do believe i mentioned that though i was not sure just how expensive it actually was. I can understand the cost issue completely. I just threw it out there as a possibility because it is that good for students with LD and i have never heard of a school that comes anywhere near what it does for kids with LD.

I was just trying to help... And you are right my parents were crazy. And they drove me all the way to Austria and beyond just to get away from them. Not every situation is like the one i had. At the same time, almost all parents will say decisions were made together, including mine. They still don't see it. They don't want to see it. Sounds like you are nothing like them. But for every set of LD parents not like them there is a set that is completely like them. So i am here... Because someone who has been there must speak for these kids who are often to LD to organize and express this themselves, or are too polite and accustomed to taking orders, or too busy working to acheive goals that aren't their own, or too terrified of letting their parents down to speak up etc... So i am here for them and as i said i don't know your son at all. I want to make sure though, that he is always protected and that his own identity and goals for his own life are truly taken into consideration when such large decisions must be made. And if that offends you, then i am truly sorry. I was merely offering some food for thought not trying to lecture, just trying to pose some questions i think all ld parents should begin asking when their kid hits about that age to go away for college and offering some information though very little about the only college i have ever heard of that caters completely to ld students.

Good luck

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zacamie
Joined Feb 08, 2011
Posts: 3

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Posted:Feb 09, 2011 8:40:39 AM

Thank you for your response. I am so sorry that you had to endure that with your parents. You sound like me with the fact that I totally agree that kids with ld need support and advocates for them. I have always told Zac "hey you learn differently it O.K. we will be there for you every step". It has worked for him, he is confident in a way I don't see with alot of other kids his age. Don't get me wrong we have had struggles but as a family we were determined that Zac would get through it.

My biggest problem is the educators. Someone needs to fight that system for sure. Even though Zac has had some wonderful teachers, there was always the ones who told us he can't take this algebra class, so on and so on. Well I fought that all the way and in the end Zac had a staight B and proved them all wrong. YES he still struggles with concepts and comprehension but it is something he has to deal with everyday and we are there for him.

There are alot of success stories for college bound kids with ld believe me I have talked and researched alot. That is why I do believe there is colleges out there that will help my child. The one thing parents need to do is support and establish a comfortable enviroment for their children so they no it is O.K. to speak your mind.

Thanks for the input and I applaude your efforts. Please do remember though it is soooo hard for parent to go through this to. We all want a perfect world for our kids and it does break your heart but you just have to deal with it the best you can.

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