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Parenting a Child with LD or ADHD

why does it feel like fighting city hall?


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Joined: Nov 03, 2005
Posts: 69140
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Posted Feb 11, 2002 at 11:45:35 PM
Subject: why does it feel like fighting city hall?

To: Anyone that has advice

I have a 10 year old 5th grader. He has LD and Bi-Polar. Schooll for us has been a nightmare. He has yet to pass a pact testing in math sense entering school. In 3rd grade he had to be hospitalized for sucide thoughts and self mutalation. Although he has not required that sense 8 yrs of age i see the signs and no it's coming soon. With all my efforts the school will not give him the extra help and accommations needed to help him suceed. Last week the police question him about one of his friends, with out us knowing or being contacted. The other little boys mother called me to tell me of this, the sadest thing is that it had nothing to do with anything at school or my son, they used him to pry information out about the other boy, while the ass. principal held my sons neck tightly and made him say yes sir no sir. I reackon what i want to no , is it m or is the school makin my child worse? he came home today sick and doesn't want to go back as a mother i can't say i blame him. any adivice would help! thank-you! Sherry

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Anonymous
Joined Aug 31, 2014
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Posted:Feb 12, 2002 8:40:41 AM


wow.
1. Does he have an IEP? Does he have a 504 plan?

The sad part is lack of understanding by the school. Some educators believe more discipline,more demeaning behavior,and more force is the way to deal with behavior problems.It isn't.

The issue regarding the actions taken by your school. If your child has an IEP,the school is obligated to develop a positive behavior plan. This is developed after a Functional Behavior Assessment is completed. You want a formal assessment by a certified Behavioral analyst.Make this request in writing and be very clear. Do not ask them if you can have one,simply tell them you require this. Specify a FBA done by a certified behavioral analyst. If they have done one,request an Independent eval. at their expense. Make sure you follow up and sign a consent for this eval. Once signed there is a timeline on how long they have to complete it. A Functional Behavior plan would eliviate someone putting their hands on your kid and addressing him in the manner you just described. Once the people who KNOW about dealing with emotional issues get involved generally the people dealing with your kid get educated and forced to be more proactive in the manner they need to be.

The issue of a county police officer coming to the school,questioning your child without your knowledge is interesting. I believe I would want to know the policy on speaking with minors without the parents being present. From the school AND from the county.


To recap
he needs a plan. either a 504 or an IEP. If he has one then the plan needs to be looked at.How they approach your kid and how they include you in situations such as this needs to be very clear and addressed in this plan.

Yes, this can make things worse,and the school is obligated to do better. They are obligated by law.

You aren't fighting city hall,worse,you are fighting a bearucratic system. Rules are in place,and they don't want to accomodate a kid who has difficulties,unless they are made to. There are many reasons,lots of kids for one,personal predujice is another,and laziness is another.
Educate yourself on the laws that protect your son's civil rights,you would be surprised the power that knowledge has.
Good Luck ,we will be here,if you need us.

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Anonymous
Joined Aug 31, 2014
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Posted:Feb 12, 2002 10:24:12 AM

No, I don't think it's you. Schools are institutions and designed to serve the needs of many. In serving the many, they find it hard, sometimes impossible, to meet the needs of individuals. Particularly those individual children whose profile is off the beaten track.

Yet I don't think any adult in any school should be allowed to put their hands on a child the way your son describes. I'd make a phone call and an appointment with the principal around that. I find it's always best to be calm - even when you don't feel calm. If you know a lawyer or two, I'm even wondering if what they did was lawful. Is a minor allowed to give consent to be questioned by the police without the parent's knowledge?

Is homeschooling an option for you? My own sons mostly enjoyed the social aspects of school but that's not worth the kind of treatment your son seems to be getting.

If it's not, I'd be very savvy about this. No teacher or principal likes to make parents angry. In my school the children whose parents have let the teachers and principal know they're watching are definitely more likely to be treated with kid gloves, as the old expression goes. Never get angry, always let the school know you're there.

Follow thiz bizarre incident up with a phone call and request to come in today, tomorrow at the latest. Be pleasantly perplexed in your manner. "My son tells me he was questioned by the police .... at school??? Can that be?? He also tells me you were holding him by the neck while being questioned but I'm sure he's exaggerating there... but do tell me what really happened? I wasn't at all aware that minor children could be questioned without their parents' consent...."

As you leave, be pleasant, never warm. Say "I still don't understand how this happened exactly. I would hope it isn't allowed to happen again. My lawyer tells me it's questionably legal... Thank you for your time."

It will leave this principal thinking twice when he goes to grab your son by the neck the next time.

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Anonymous
Joined Aug 31, 2014
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Posted:Feb 12, 2002 12:22:52 PM

Did you say the principal put his hands around your sons neck and forced him to answer? I suggest you skip the meeting with the principal, call an attorny and file a complaint with the state, contact the sp-ed director and the superintendent of schools and call the press. I would also file assult charges against the principal with the police and child abuse with childrens services, even IF by some misshap of law this is acceptable in your state, Id still want the bastar* hauled in for questioning and inconvienienced in every possible way immaginable. I would deffinatly call the local press as well.
Last time I checked strangling answers out of anyone (even by police) was not legal, i sure as hell doubt its legal for the principal to strangle a child under ANY circumstances.

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Anonymous
Joined Aug 31, 2014
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Posted:Feb 18, 2002 8:58:36 PM

ty so much for your sugestions, it felt so good to no someone listened to me!

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