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Parenting a Child with LD or ADHD

child in IEP meeting


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Joined: Nov 03, 2005
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Posted Feb 26, 2002 at 1:53:46 PM
Subject: child in IEP meeting

Does anyone have experience with bringing their child into the annual review of the IEP? I am considering doing this in March. My 9 year-old son thinks it is some big secret session to talk about him. In an attempt to get him to be more cooperative with the assistance that they are trying to provide for him (and he resists) I thought maybe letting him sit in would help. My thought is maybe if he sees what actually happens, it will no longer be this huge mystery to him. He might actually think he is an active part in this process which I think he should be. I think it would be a positive experience for him although I know I face inevitable discouragement from the school. What do you think?

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 21, 2014
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Posted:Feb 26, 2002 2:52:41 PM

Many times the school takes this opportunity to blame the child for his differences and put you in a compromising situation. Generally, I would advise against it.

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Anonymous
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Posted:Feb 26, 2002 3:16:33 PM

The other thing I would be concerned about is that often to get the services we need, we REALLY have to stress the deficits our children have. That's probably not the best way to present a child's learning profile to him.

Karen

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Anonymous
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Posted:Feb 26, 2002 5:36:12 PM

It never occured to me, to not have my children present at their own IEP meetings, as a result both kids, have been present since they were identified (one was in 2nd, the other in 3rd).

I have had meetings that went 3 and 4 hours long, sometimes several days in a row of 3 and 4 hour meetings, often times my kids played on the floor during these meetings, joining us at the table when they felt like it.

The result is they grew up hearing the good, the bad and the ugly. They did indeed see and hear me and others at times yelling. They also saw us resolve our issues. They did grow up knowing the law regarding disabilities.

My kids can and have quoted IDEA law to their teachers (and principals) when their IEP's were not being implimented. Not all teachers appreciate this, some teachers think this self advocacy isnt appropriate for children. I disagree, I think it is nessisary to start them self advocating as soon as possible. After all they have learning disabilities, if I wait till they are 16 to teach them, they might not learn it well enough or fast enough, to avoid getting taken advantage of when they become old enough to take my place.

Mine had the advantage of starting so young, depending on your childs age, you might want to ease him into it. Maybe the first time he attends, all he should do is read from a prepared letter, which simply states, the things he thinks he is good at, the things he has trouble with, and the things in his iep that he feels are helpfull. after that have him leave.

then at each meeting have him participate a little more, if things get very nasty, do not hesitate to stop the meeting in mid sentance and dissmiss your son before continueing. You can explain to your son afterwards the reasons.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 21, 2014
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Posted:Feb 26, 2002 6:40:39 PM

Our son attended his 6th grade and 7th grade IEPs. I wanted to leave him out because I didn't want to talk about his deficits in front of him. But I was strongly encouraged to have him attend and it has actually worked out for the best. His teachers have mostly nice things to say about him since he has made a lot of progress in the last two years. Also, he needs to start taking ownership of his disability and become his own best advocate. He's not quite ready for that yet (being inclined to say nothing rather than speak up and call attention to himself), but involving him in the IEP begins to steer him toward that goal. Also, we talked about his course schedule next year, and his comments about it surprised us (and differed from the course selection form he had filled out just three weeks earlier). So having him there was a plus.

Not sure if I would want him there if there were some serious problems that needed to be aired.

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Anonymous
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Posted:Feb 26, 2002 9:44:56 PM

Lisa,

I personally would never allow my child to be in a meeting where things like IQ tests and that kind of thing are discussed. If the meeting is to be routine and academic goals will be discussed, then that's different. The child can give input into the accomodations which is helpful, because we had kids at the high school all the time who refused the accomodations their parents had asked for on the IEP!

I would never kill a child's remaining self esteem by discussing his deficits in front of him, though. They are fully aware of their deficits on a daily basis without having to hear it from all the adults in their life at a meeting. There are some positive ways to state deficits, but 7th graders are pretty perceptive.

It's always possible to have the child wait as the preliminaries are done and then call him in to give input. That's another option.

Janis

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Anonymous
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Posted:Feb 26, 2002 10:04:59 PM

I'm glad it has worked for your children. I don't think it would be appropriate for mine. My husband and I have always had a philosophy of presenting a "united front" to our children. If we disagree about something regarding the kids, we discuss it in private, come to a decision, and stand together with that decision.

AS LONG AS I feel that the teachers are working WITH me to try to provide a quality education for my children, I want my children to see that same solidarity between the teachers and us. At those times that a teacher loses our trust and support, as did the teacher my son had in the fall, I want my son removed from that person's influence.

For my child, he cannot learn effectively in a stressful environment, and that includes an environment where the adults are at odds with each other. Up until this year (5th grade) my son was completely unaware that his education was in any way different from that of any other child in the classroom. He didn't know that he had an "LD" or that he had a "SPED Teacher". He had never heard of an IEP. This year, because of the difficulties in the first half of the year, we have had to discuss these issues to some extent.

I've mentioned the differences between NLD kids and other types of LD's in other threads, but this is another one. Many NLD kids, mine included, are just to socially naive, and quite frankly, "clueless" to be able to get anything positive from listening to a bunch of adults arguing about their education. This is a kid who sits and watches the Olympics on TV, and says, "I can do that! That's not so hard, I can do that!"

I hope that by the time he MUST be included in IEP meetings that he will have a better understanding of his own issues. But he's sure not there yet.

Karen

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Anonymous
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Posted:Feb 26, 2002 10:14:08 PM

But janis how can they capatalize on their strengths and use them to compensate for their weaknesses, if they dont know what their strengths and weaknesses are?

If you dont tell them and explain everything to them then all they know is they cant do what the other kids can do, who knows what they might imagine in the absence of such information? I dont see how not knowing the reasons for their difficulties can in any way be "better" for them.

I honestly beleave they have to know their strengths and weaknesses the same way, and with the same attitutude as they know their height, weight, and age. They need to know that they were born with these strengths and weaknesses, that they didnt do anything to cause them, that there are other people with like strengths and weaknesses (their not alone), and that they can learn to do every thing everyone else can, they just may have to learn differently.

Kids with LD are not dumb, by definition they have at least a normal IQ, so their IQ should not in any way be an embarrisment to them and their inability to "preform" as well as other students are a result of their disability, a disability is nothing to be ashamed of or hidden, it is something that needs to be understood and confronted by learning effective stratagies and ways to compensate for it. I think by hiding it from a child and not disscussing it, it would only prove to the child that the adult felt it was something to be ashamed of and to be hidden.......very sad in my opinion

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Anonymous
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Posted:Feb 26, 2002 10:33:57 PM

"...if they dont know what their strengths and weaknesses are?"

The big problem is that their strengths are rarely discussed and acknowleged.

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Anonymous
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Posted:Feb 26, 2002 10:42:49 PM

And less so in an IEP meeting.

Karen

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Anonymous
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Posted:Feb 26, 2002 10:46:00 PM

I would bring the IEP home and tell my child, depending on the age, of course, all the wonderful plans for the next year to make him/her a better reader...learning to read bigger words, learning the meanings of new words, etc.! An older child will already know their weaknesses, as I said before, and I would emphasize to him the goals for the next year. I do not believe in telling a 7th grader they are reading at second grade level, or whatever. I just don't see that as productive. I would also emphasize the hard work and gains made during the past year.

I definitely agree with you that children can understand their strengths and weaknesses, though. I convey to my children that God gave them particular strengths and weaknesses for a very particular reason, and we must do our best to develop them.

Regarding IQ, I think the opposite. I think an average IQ might make the child feel that they are "only" average and do not have the potential to excell. My child with the language delay is so bright and creative and she knows we think she is! But her IQ is average. I just see that as something that as something that she has no need to know. My gifted daughter does not know her IQ either, as a matter of fact.

Janis

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Anonymous
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Posted:Feb 27, 2002 8:20:47 AM


It is vital for your child to become their own advocate. Being LD is life long,the characteristics can be positive too. Believe me,I AM LD. My children,know all about their disability,they know they inherited it from their parents.

I always discussed the next years goals with my children,and recieved their input. Not always honored their requests,but I am the MOM.

The thing I always told them ,aside from related to them my experiences in public school,was it wasn't that they couldn't learn,it was the teacher who needed to figure out how to teach them.

I have never told them what their IQ scores were,of course I have two,and I wouldn't want either to feel less then the other. The IQ score doesn't really mean anything. I have always told them they are gifted,because they are. Not just due to the score,but because they are dyslexic.

Kids understand right and wrong,they understand when the teacher cares or doesn't.IEP's aside.
What I tried to instill was they learn differently,and the state and federal government says that they have a right to learn differently.The IEP was to help the teacher learn how to teach them.

I have never brought my kids to the IEP,but they still understood how hard their parents fought for their right to learn THEIR way.They lived it right along with us. If they had to sit through the three ring circus too,I don't believe it would of illiciated anymore understanding,it just would have made them angry too.

My son at 12 would insist on going to his IEP at this point.I am sure of it. We don't have one,they are in private school. At 12 he most definitely understands and will advocate for himself,and has a habit of standing up for others,not sure where he got this from:-) He learn these skills anyway,not from attending the IEP,but living through it himself. Kids know,they are far more aware then one might think.

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Anonymous
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Posted:Feb 27, 2002 8:30:12 AM

Excellent!!!

Janis

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Anonymous
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Posted:Feb 27, 2002 1:02:30 PM

IQ tests are a tool and should not be taken too seriously. Anyone on any day could test differently than yesterday.

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Anonymous
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Posted:Mar 01, 2002 10:28:09 PM

what a true statement that is. i will never let iq scores define my child.

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