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Parenting a Child with LD or ADHD

Don't know what to do next!


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Joined: Nov 03, 2005
Posts: 69138
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Posted Feb 27, 2002 at 2:59:34 PM
Subject: Don't know what to do next!

My daughter was diagnosed with a learning disability in kindergarten,she is now in the 4th grade.She has done really well up until this year. She has a different teacher this year. She has problems in reading and math and writing but her main problem has always been in math. She can't remember her math facts.My husband I have just recently gone and had a meetingwith this teacher and it did not go well.She told us that my daughter is really struggling in math class that she depends on her classmates to give her the answers to her work and depends on her (the teacher) to help to much.So she moved her away from everybody so she would become more independant.This teacher told us that she don't know her math facts and that she has totally givin up on teaching them to her because she would never learn them anyway.She told us that we need to be prepared that when she goes to middle school that they will try to put her in a class that will teach her living skills like how to cook and clean and how to take care of herself.I talked to the principal about this and she wasn't real happy about this. I asked her why was my daughter dong so well with the other teacher and she told me that the other teacher had a special nack with children that she probably spent more time with my daughter than another teacher probably would. This isn't fair to my daughter. She really loved school and now I have to fight with her everyday to go to school. They are now sending her to the school councilor once a week because the think that shes not happy at school. The teacher also said that she is hearing things like my daughter saying that she wishes she was dead.I was not aware of this until she wrote a note home telling me that they were doing her IEP for next year and they needed to do some testing on her.Iam at a total loss at what to do next. This is the first time I have been on the internet talking or asking for help.I just need someone elses input on this.

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Anonymous
Joined Nov 25, 2014
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Posted:Feb 27, 2002 3:19:47 PM

It sounds to me like this teacher has just given up on your daughter. And your daughter knows it.

Personally, I think her point of view is terribly wrong but the real question is how to work within the system. One option is to get the principle to move her to another classroom. Or how about if you had her placed in resource room for math? It would certainly have to be a more supportive environment. My son was in one for first and second grade and he stayed on grade level (scoring above grade level on standardized tests). My son has CAPD plus visual processing deficits.

Also, we have used Math Facts the Fun Way quite successfully to learn multiplication facts. It uses stories and pictures to help kids remember their math facts. We also have used Quarter Math which is a computerized program in which kids "race" against themselves doing math facts. The only difficulty we have with it is that my son can only do it for about five minutes because after that he gets too tired and actually gets worse because of his various processing problems. But still he has improved.
If your daughter is OK conceputally in math but continues to have problems with calculations, I know some kids have the accomodation of calculators. That is a far cry from learning life skills.

I also would make sure that you got a teacher "who has a knack with kids" for fifth grade.

Beth

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Anonymous
Joined Nov 25, 2014
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Posted:Feb 27, 2002 3:36:36 PM

Welcome Wendy, You have come to the right place for advice. You will probably receive many responses to your post and everyone here has very valuable experiences to offer you. I have a very similar situation. My son is in 4th grade this year and it has all fallen apart, he even told me about 4 months ago that he wishes he was dead instead of having to go to school anymore. We have been unhappy with the way the school has handled some things from the beginning when he was finally diagnosed in 2nd grade. But this has been the worst year yet. When he said that this is how he felt, I lost it!!! I've been the easy-going parent, agreeing with almost everything the school said because of course they are the professionals and I honestly want to have an amicable working relationship with them. But it's really hard. Someone told me "You cannot expect the school to love and understand your child the way you do, to them this is a job and usually not much more." This was told to me by my best friend who happens to be a teacher. She also happens to be the one of the most child-loving person I know. But she was being honest. Even with that said I would be very upset with what that teacher had to say to you, I would most certainly persue this with the principal. I know its late in the school year to make drastic changes but some changes are possible (maybe more exposure to the more appropriate teacher vs. the one who made the horrible comments). Most definitely I would suggest a therapist (private psychologist preferably instead of the school psychologist) for her feelings of desperation. If her situation at school cannot be changed these feelings will not subside on their own. You can tell the school pyschologist whats going on but most likely they will tell you that you need outside help anyway. Thats what we did and its working well for us. He feels that he can talk about school with the his psychologist without any reprecussions since there is no professional connection to the school and its an objective opinion about everything that is going on. I would also like to recommend a wonderful book and website in case you have not heard of them yet, "From Emotions to Advocacy" (with a companion law book called "Wrightslaw") and the websites are www.fetaweb.com and www.wrightslaw.com. Good luck, stay with us and give us updates.

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Anonymous
Joined Nov 25, 2014
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Posted:Feb 27, 2002 5:26:00 PM

Hi Wendy,

This discussion board has helped me many times when I was at my wits end.

My son who is now 15 and doing pretty well...heck, he's doing great, was in 4th grade when he wanted to kill himself.
He was diagnosed specific learning disability in 3rd, and we didn't know the proverbial sh*t from shinola either. We just knew our son was suffering and the school was causing it.

What happened? We got educated. We found out about our son's issues. We made the school pay for all the extensive testing he needed. We learned what the tests meant. We learned how to write the kind of IEP that would really help him. Heck, we even homeschooled for 6 months to get him up to speed. We held the school's hand to the fire to make them help him.

Today, he is doing so well. He is dyslexic, so spelling and writing is problematic. He uses a word processor with spellcheck and sometimes he dictate to me. He uses a calculator for math facts. He still has CAPD (Central Auditory Processing Deficit). Doesn't hear it all all the time...he is compensating. (Can I brag? He made the honor roll last grading period.)

Some of the people posting here now were posting here then. I got good advice. We are doing pretty good now, even though it was tough for a while and is still sometimes tough.

Post here...you'll get advice and answers. There's a chat on Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Thursday at 9PM at Net Haven...you can get real people with kids or experience just like ours answering your questions.

Take good care.

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Anonymous
Joined Nov 25, 2014
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Posted:Feb 27, 2002 6:39:32 PM

We could tar and feather the dork of a teacher (oops, excuse my blunt statement). She gives the rest of us a bad name. She should not be teaching with this attitude, this is way beyond just an issue of proper education and training for the teacher.

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Anonymous
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Posted:Feb 27, 2002 6:46:58 PM

Okay, dumb question, but what have you already done to get those math facts in -- it's like spelling, sometimes trying something different works. A few ideas are in the math section of my website (it would be neat if she could sneakily learn 'em on her own and prove that teacher wrong -- maybe spending 5-10 minutes on 'em *every day* a tiny bit at a time ... if nothing else, just learning a few of 'em but having them solid.) The site's www.resourceroom.net (there is also online practice for the tables there.)

Don't know why the teacher didn't say "oh, your kid's a future bag lady, and the other teacher was willing to pretend she could learn just to make her feel good, but I'm not bothering with her" since that is just radiating from her comments. It's disgustingly unprofessional -- and incorrect. Kids who aren't beaten down by teachers like her can and do learn.

I just love it when somehow the kid is messed up if she's not happy in a miserable environment like that.

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Anonymous
Joined Nov 25, 2014
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www.net-haven.net is the address-- drop in tonight, 9 Eastern 8 Central if you want to chat about "setting goals and making changes" with other folks who are being there and doing that.

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Anonymous
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Posted:Feb 27, 2002 10:04:55 PM

In my classroom they get multiplication charts to use for multiplication and division. I have found that when students have access to the correct answers to the mult/div. facts, then they practice the correct answers and ultimately, over time, begin to learn them. When they practice, day in and day out, incorrectly, they practice mistakes and reinforce them. I believe, your child should have access to a mult. chart, at all time, home and in her desk.

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Anonymous
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Posted:Feb 27, 2002 11:35:56 PM

Hi, I understand what you are going through. I just moved in a country school and the teachers have bad attitude. My daughter is in the 3rd grade and has a learning disablity. She is in regular class for science and english and social studies and has a special ed teacher which she is great and understanding. I have had trouble with her regular teacher she seem nice in the being, but now she really rude she sended notes all the time saying my daughter is doing this and this and have rude comments.I think sometimes they just don't understand kids with learning disablity.I'm all ready counting the months till school out.
But in your case I would put your daughter in the special Education teacher for the math she would have a one on one teaching and get her out of that enviroment with that other teacher it's just hurting her and she probalby won't learn any thing in that enviroment any way.You can write up your own IEP's
for the teacher for your child.I think teachers need to take a test in people skills before becoming a teacher.If next year is like this I'm thinking seriously of homeschooling my children
next year I don't need my children being around bad attitudes.
Good luck

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Anonymous
Joined Nov 25, 2014
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Posted:Feb 28, 2002 8:42:17 AM

Wendy,

I agree with all the others in regard to the error of this teacher. Sadly, there are plenty like her. They don't know how to teach children with learning disabilities, so they take it out on the child.

Anyway, I agree that you should have her moved to the resource room for math immediately. Write the principal a note and date it and say you'd like an IEP review meeting set up within the next 7 days (or whatever).

I would take depression very seriously. I had a child with undiagnosed ADD/depression who went down a very dark road in high school. I would tell anyone...if the school situation cannot be altered to make it bearable for the child, I'd take them out and homeschool.

Janis

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Anonymous
Joined Nov 25, 2014
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Posted:Feb 28, 2002 11:40:55 PM
Subject:Try

Math Facts the Fun Way (http://www.citycreek.com). I have gotten more emailed thanks for recommending this program than any other. A good follow-up to MFFW is Quarter Mile Math (http://www.thequartermile.com).

For reading, I would try to find a certified Phono-Graphix tutor. (Website is http://www.readamerica.net). PG tutors usually cost $30-$50 per hour, but can often fully remediate a child to grade level in 12 hours. If you can't find a PG tutor, I would recommend tutoring your daughter at home yourself, using the book "Reading Reflex" (available for $16 from most bookstores).

I haven't read all of the other posts, but agree that the teacher is inappropriate. We ended up homeschooling in order to provide appropriate remediation and curriculum materials for our daughter. Homeschooling doesn't have to be forever. If you can't switch teachers, I would certainly consider it as an option for the rest of this year.

Mary

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Anonymous
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Posted:Mar 01, 2002 6:01:53 PM

Just wanted to say that I would see the quidance counselor at your daughter's school. Has she been through any major changes lately?
My son was saying that he wanted to die and it was because that I had lost my Dad and he was having a hard time dealing with missing him. I would try talking to the guidance counselor first and see what she can advise you to do.
Is she adhd or on any kind of meds? You might also suggest a resouce class for her.She might feel depressed because the work is to hard for her.
Just a few suggestions I hope they might help. Nancy

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