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Parenting a Child with LD or ADHD

Here we go again!


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Joined: Nov 03, 2005
Posts: 69138
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Posted Mar 01, 2002 at 5:56:14 PM
Subject: Here we go again!

On Jan 2, I had a meeting at school, with the sciene teacher and the director of Sp. Ed. The prinicipal wasn't there due to a sickness in her family. We discussed ways to help my son with science and discussed that disorganization was one of his biggest problems. We agreeded that the science teacher would fax all copied notes and homework assingments to me daily. This worked well until the last two homework assignments adn the teacher didn't fax them. After the first missed one, I faxed teacher a note telling her I didn't get the homework and son had forgotten to bring it home also, so if she would fax it we would work on it the next evening. She did and we did....but then she didn't collect that work for 5 days ( there was a weekend in there)....well guess who has lost the paper by then. So she gave him a detention, that same night she again didn't fax that nights
assignment, so Ifaxed her another note and told her that she had forgotten to fax the homework, but that he had finished in study hall, and I understood that sometimes things just get forgotten, but that when son had forgotten his homework...he was given detention. I also said in my note if you are planning on not faxing the homework anymore, please let me know, so that I can make other arrangments. I never received any response what so ever, that was on Tuesday of this week. So today son comes home and says they said to tell you they aren't faxing my science homework anymore, it needs to be my responisbility so I can get ready for highschool ( he's in 7th grade now). I said who said to tell me this, he said the prinicpal called him to the office and told him, said he never turns his homework in anyway. He said he told her, he had lost one assignment and that was because
she didn't collect it for so long. By the way, this prinicpal has been on sick leave from the first of the year until now. This was an agreement made by the teacher and special ed director, the special ed director even wrote down what the plan was and gave me a copy. Is it binding this way? and don't you think the prinicpal should have called me instead of telling my son? I'm furious and here it is Friday evening and I can't do anything about it until Monday.....but fume. The prinicpal also told him it didn't matter what we did, he still didn't do good in science, wasn't that a nice thing to tell a kid. He is getting much braver, he told the prinicpal....no one does good in her class, and they don't....not just LD kids....no one. He assignments are impossible, and I've been keeping them all to, to show someone, don't know who...but someone. He said when he told the principal this she just said well I don't know about that. I gave him the chance to come clean, I said I'm going to the school Monday and I'm not happy, if you have forgotten any other assignments I want you to tell me now. He insists that is the only one. I know this is borrowing trouble, but I wouldn't put it past this teacher to lie and tell me he hasn't turned them in....you know everything is his fault. This really all bothers me, because he has really been trying. This teacher really bothers me, I have faxed her notes telling her he doens't understand something and if she doesn't have time to give him extra help, to please fax the info. to me so I can work with him on it.....no response. She did respond to a request once, that said do you want him exempt from this assignment, I wrote back and said NO, I want him to learn to do it, but if you aren't willing to help him or help me help him, then yes, make the assignment exempt. That was the last I heard.
I know I'm ranting and raving, but what do I do, where do I turn, who's hair do I snatch out?
Thanks, I know you guys will help me!

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 23, 2014
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Posted:Mar 01, 2002 6:58:51 PM

Hi Kathy! I'm pretty new to these boards. Haven't we all been where you are? I really know what your going thru, Thank God It's Friday! I am a very emotional person also (it's right there on my sleeve!). I too have a son in 7th grade, he has been in Spl. Edn. since 4th grade (however he is mainstreamed for math with no modifications B- :) ). You already know this probably, but teachers and school personnel do not react well to emotional outbursts. When i go into meetings i try to deal with my sons situations with facts not emotions, this is not easy, but i do feel i receive a better (fairer) responses from the "team". Do you currently have an IEP? you don't mention this, if you do there are legal obligations on the part of the school. Take a deep breath, and resolve to get him through this year (it's half over, yea!!). Until then, (and i've been here) explain to him that some teachers are just not going to connect with some students, and he has to get thru this year, and, it's important to bring home homework. Is there a classmate/parent that could take you under their wing to help with homework? My school dist. has a homework hotline, not that they get personal assistance, but it is a recorded message from each teacher on the homework that is due the following day, this is used by both students and parents. Our dist. also has a website where assignments are listed. Enjoy the weekend (don't let this ruin it), and schedule a meeting on Monday for whenever to go over the "facts" of what you expect, and what they expect. You and your son will get thru this, i did. Sue

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 23, 2014
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Posted:Mar 01, 2002 10:28:12 PM

Kathy,

I agree with Sue that it is good to have your thoughts collected and be cool when you do go in. But you do have one thing in your favor...the special ed. director agreed to the arrangement and even wrote it down. Obviously the principal has only heard the side of the teacher, who obviously is not telling the truth!

Soooo...I might be placing a call to the special ed. director telling him/her how MUCH you appreciated his/her help at the last meeting, but it seems that there has been some sort of unfortunate misunderstanding on the part of the principal and you feel sure he/she will be able to correct this problem so that the original agreement will be honored. Get my drift? You win, and you don't have to fight. Let the special ed. director do it for you.

Janis

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 23, 2014
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Posted:Mar 01, 2002 10:36:47 PM

Kathy you do have all the letters sent to this teacher,and all letters sent from this teacher?
Is homework modifications written into his IEP?

While your at the school getting his ed file,make sure you meet with the proncipal.
Show the letters to him,refer to the IEP,tell him you are aware that he hasn't been there due to illness,but there was a meeting and agreements were made. Have any notes to this meeting? Any documentation? Bring as much documented stuff as you can. Be very matter of fact,no emotions. Here are the facts, ask,"are you aware of the ongoing problems?" If it starts getting heated,then leave and schedule a meeting with the sped director.
Thing is, are they willing to allow a teacher the right to violate the law,he has an IEP,isn't the teacher obligated to comply? Hell yes,and they know it. Present the facts,do not react,and things will change. Of course you can also present the principal with a letter from you clearly stating that you will not accpt a verbal message sent via your son. From now on you feel more comfortable with them calling or writing to you directly.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 23, 2014
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Posted:Mar 01, 2002 11:10:53 PM

Kathy,
yes kathy, you had a meeting with the district representive (sp-ed director) and the teacher, the paper you wrote was an amendment to the iep. It is binding, so long as you dont now make another amendment taking it away.

I would not bother with the principal, I would call the sp-ed director and tell him that the principal has told your son the teacher will not continue to impliment the amendment to the iep, that he (the sp-ed director)added on (fill in the date). Since the principal has failed to do his job (insure the iep is implimented) the next one in the chain of command is the sp-ed director.

also I would write a letter telling the school that your minor child is not legally permited to negotiate his own IEP, that he is not legally required to defend his IEP and that if they want to suggest changes to the IEP the correct format is done by PWN (prior written notice- if the school proposes a change in the iep they have to give you pwn in advance of the meeting) You might also want to tell them that PWN should be written on paper, not your sons forhead-(ok maybe you should leave that part off).
The teachers and the principal should not discuss changeing his iep with him unless it is at an official IEP meeting and all members of the team are present. Personally I would be more upset about this then about the fax situation.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 23, 2014
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Posted:Mar 02, 2002 1:19:18 AM

Kathy you do have all the letters sent to this teacher,and all letters sent from this teacher?
Is homework modifications written into his IEP?

Socks, yes I have copies with all the letters both to and from the teacher

His IEP says homework is to be modified by 50-75%

Ohio, You're right, I'm more upset about the way is was handled than the fact that they are saying they won't fax the homework.
My son was very upset, he said he was called to the office first thing this morning. And this might be his imaganation, but he said the teacher almost looked like she was laughing at him all through class.

I know some people think I should just explore placing him in another school. But the fact is....I don't have that choice. We live in a rural area, there is no where else to send him. You know the bad thing is....he just told me the other day, he felt like he was learning to read. He said the LD teacher had been working with him one on one daily with the Wilson REading System and he felt good about himself. He's even been trying to read things around the house. The other day, he was saying something about someone reading something about a basketball player in the paper and I said have your sister read it to you..And he said I can read it myself. He's never done that....it's like we get one step ahead and then go back two.
Another thing is I had just faxed the super. a letter today, telling her that the aide in his class seemed to really be working out well, she was helpful and kind and caring. I told her about him thinking he was learning to read, and thanked her for getting the aide in place and then I come home to this.

I just hope I can keep my emotions in tact, I always get very upset at meetings, when they start slandering my son, saying he's lazy, doesn't try and then I end up upset and cry.

I am so tired of all this, which is probably what they want, they think someday I'll get tired adn give up....It's not gonna happen though, things like this just make me more deterimined.

Thanks again!

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 23, 2014
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Posted:Mar 02, 2002 9:11:04 AM


The way they handled the situation really stinks. I still maintain meeting with the principal first,then calling the sped director. I suppose you could write a letter and send it to both.The situation is becoming very adversal and forcing them to do something stupid like standing behind a teacher who is a behind,wouldn't be want you want to wind up fighting over.

The issues are clear violations of the law,you need your ed file,and all the valuable info you have,and once filing a formal complaint you can say you tried every administrative remedy there was.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 23, 2014
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Posted:Mar 02, 2002 11:10:46 AM

Kathy if you have to you have to. I think we were just trying to say that your health is important too and just make sure there might not be another way to get your son what he needs. I've become an expert at getting in the backdoor when the front door is locked. I've seen miracles happen when you look for them. Congrat your son on his breakthru in reading.

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