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Parenting a Child with LD or ADHD

Ds returning to ps for 9th grade next year


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Joined: Nov 03, 2005
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Posted Apr 15, 2002 at 4:01:36 PM
Subject: Ds returning to ps for 9th grade next year

He has been homeschooling for past year and a half and since has found out he has ADD-Inattentive. I am concerned, and he says he doesn't care if he fails in ps because he misses his friends and wants to return. I know he does care and is also concerned because he always used to get very good grades.

I am hoping to continue to work with him on attempting to stay organized and know this won't be easy. Also, what about conseling? Do any of you have a psychologist or someone your child talks to to help them deal with their problem? My ds says he doesn't want to talk to a stranger, but I really think he needs to talk to someone other than me - someone else who can also help him. This can be quite difficult at times for him, and he does get frustrated and down on himself over it.

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 22, 2014
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Posted:Apr 15, 2002 4:47:51 PM

This subject line probably explains my topic better.

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 22, 2014
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Posted:Apr 15, 2002 7:56:09 PM

Organization is not something that falls into the domain of psychologists really. Dealing with the emotional issues that can result from a lack of success in school are more the work of psychologists.

Your son might benefit more from a tutor to work with him to help him with school work. Organization usually improves with age but hiring a college student to perhaps sit down with him a few nights a week, even briefly, to help him go through his papers and assignements might prove to be more practical help than a psychologist.

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 22, 2014
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Posted:Apr 15, 2002 8:23:08 PM

My child's resource classes in 8th, 9th, & 10th ( she qualified for special ed.) really focused on organization and study skills. It worked much better when the "nagging" was done by a teacher, and she was earning a grade for the class. We do this routinely in my elementary school for kids with adhd-- to the point of having a special ed teacher come to the regular classroom at the end of the day to help a child get organized before going home. As for someone to talk to, what about the school counselor? He/she could help your child with these issues as well as planning for his transition after high school and it wouldn't mean driving weekly to a scheduled appointment, he could "check in" on an as needed basis. Maybe there is a teacher he particularly likes who would informally mentor your son if you suggested it -- this kind of thing happens all the time at our school--i.e we ask the male art teacher to try to find a few extra minutes for a boy with lots of issues who likes to draw.

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 22, 2014
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Posted:Apr 16, 2002 12:38:38 AM

Please provide all the counseling for your child that you can. They need all the help that they can get to understand why they are different. I have been dealing with this for 8 years now. I have been to every doctor that is possible to help with my child. I am looking into putting the chold in a long term hosptial, because not only does he have ADHD, also has bipolar, and tourett's syndrome. So you need to provide all the counseling that you could possible find to help them.

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 22, 2014
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Thanks for your responses.

My ds does not wish for the high school to even know he has ADD. I don't agree but respect his wishes, so we can't talk to the counselor there very well. He wants to be treated like everyone else and not be pulled out of class for any reason. He is supposed to be in all advanced courses in 9th grade, but I worry that, although he is definitely bright enough for the courses, he may not be able to keep up with the pace due to his ADD and disorganization.

What type of counseling can we get for him on the outside? A psychologist or someone who specializes in ADD? I have looked for this already and haven't had a lot of success in my area.

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 22, 2014
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Posted:Apr 16, 2002 9:45:21 AM

Since my son started homeschooling about a year and a half ago towards the end of 6th grade and we didn't find out he had ADD until soon after that, the school system is not aware of his problem. They saw a very bright child who, in middle school seemed to lose interest and appeared "lazy", letting his grades drop. My son is very adamant about not wanting people to know he has ADD, especially the school, because he doesn't want to be treated differently and pulled out of class. I think it could be a mistake and think the teachers may (not sure) help him to some degree, making sure he sits in front of class with fewer distractions, etc. He was never a problem child, so he went unnoticed to a large degree.

This is so frustrating, especially for him, and for me to watch him go through this. If he says he can't read a book now, how will he be able to do so in school. He has big asperations for college and has decided to give up all sports in high school for fear it will get in the way of his homework. Nothing is more important to him, he says, than doing well in school. I'm sure it's because it's what has affected his self-esteem so much.

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 22, 2014
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Posted:Apr 16, 2002 5:55:30 PM

Deb, My son has ADHD also and I know for sure he couldn't make it in ps. We have been home schooling since 3rd grade(he's in 4th).I think it is very unfair for your son to expect himself to do like everyone else in school. He Is Different. Nobody wants to be different but he is and hiding your head in the sand doesn't make it go away. My child sees a psychiatrist every 2-3mos. to deal with issues that I can't help him with or that he will not listen to me about. Sometimes they just need a 3rd party to talk to. I think your son is doing a great injustice to himself and his teachers by not telling them of his difference. They can help him only if he lets them. Please go to someone that can talk to him and convince him it is nothing to be ashamed of .My son is gifted also, so I know he can do the work but only if I cut WAY back on the amount. We have to move really fast to keep his interest and we do almost no "busy" work! This is a crucial time in your son's development and so many ADHD children end up self medicating and even dropping out of school because they can't cope with their frustrations. Don't let that happen to your son. You know what is best for him even if he doesn't like it. You are the parent and sometimes we have to do things our kids don't like or agree with. That is all a part of it. Think about what is in his best interest and go for it. Praying for ya! Jan

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 22, 2014
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Posted:Apr 16, 2002 8:18:44 PM

If he is motivated to do well (as it sounds like he is) then your best bet may be to let him try for half a grading period and see how it goes. He might be more willing to accept help after seeing for himself that he needs it-- if he does. Maybe you can make a deal with him that if his GPA drops below a certain point, he'll agree to work with someone or whatever. I was amazed at how "un-challenging" my daughter's regular ed. classes were in 9th grade. Sad to say, but expectations did not seem to be very high for anyone. Also, there are some good books for teens on LD/ADHD -- I'm thinking especially of one that was written by two college students-- check out an online bookstore.

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 22, 2014
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Posted:Apr 16, 2002 10:51:45 PM

We have what we call MHMR ( Mental Health, Mental Retardation). THey have been the biggest help with my son. They provide all kind of services. They even send a counselor to my house to work with my son and give him goals to achieve. When he achieves them, they will reward him with maybe a prize, or an outing of his choice. It has really helped out as far as him really trying to get the goals done. Check into that and see if you might have that kid of services there.

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 22, 2014
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Posted:Apr 17, 2002 10:46:13 AM

Thanks for all your advice. I understand where both of you, Jan and Rover, are coming from totally. Since my ds is almost 15 and is so adamant about his decision, I think I will let him do this his way and see how things go. Within a short amount of time, I think we will find out if it is working or not. Sometimes what Mom says isn't enough to persuade them, and I do appreciate the fact that he wants to try on his own. And life is about learning lessons.

After hearing good and bad stories about what public schools do for ADD children, I'm not sure what to think. It sounds like it depends on the teacher/school. If it doesn't work out, I have told my ds he can always revert to homeschooling again (not that he feels that is an option at this point, as he would see this as a sign of failure).

Thanks again. It's nice to know there are others who are going through the same thing and are still successful.

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