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Behavior: Social Skills, Self Esteem

High School Daughter & Social Skills

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Joined: Nov 03, 2005
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Posted Apr 09, 2001 at 4:13:10 PM
Subject: High School Daughter &amp; Social Skills

I have a daughter who is almost 16. She has been dianosed with LD and has a 504 educational plan also. She is a beautiful girl, pretty smile, is very neat. She has problems with reading and math. My concern is that she never wants to go anywhere with her friends. She has only a few. When she comes home from school, she goes to her room and closes the door. She doesn't participate in any after school activities or go to any of the ball games. She sings in the school treble choir and has a beautiful voice. She doesn't like to sing solo, just with the choir. How can I get her go be more sociable? Go out with friends and learn more about life than what is in her room and on TV? Also, has anyone every heard that a child cannot get SSI benefits for LD because the parents own rental property? My daughter was dianosed almost ten years ago and she has been struggling every since. She has asthma and allergies, which I understand sometimes go along with LD. I can't afford to send her to a special school, like Sylvan learning Center for extra help, but if I had the extra income from SSI, I could. Anyone have any suggestions?
Thanks, and God Bless all children and parents going through difficult times!

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Anonymous
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Posted:Apr 10, 2001 11:08:25 AM

do her friends go out without her or is her small group of friends basically kids who spend time home alone? Does your daughter seem unhappy?

If she doesn't seem unhappy with the situation, that's the good news. If you'd like her to see more of the world, would she go out with you? She clearly has an interest in music. Would she go to musical events? Many churches in my area have concerts that are free and my library rents tapes and films inexpensively.

When my son spends too much time at home alone, I try to break into that a bit by getting him to do some of the things he really likes with me. It's second best but it does help to get them, as you say, to see a bit more of the world.

Good luck.

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Anonymous
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Posted:Apr 10, 2001 4:39:57 PM

Thanks Sara for your input. No, she doesn't seem unhappy with the situation. We attend church every Sunday and she sings in the church choir, but lately hasn't been happy with that either, although she likes to sing. And, occassionally we do go out together, even if it is just to "window wish" and browse awhile. But sometimes, I even have to pull her out of her room just to go shopping with me. I guess I'm more concerned than she is. She's a teenager and I thought she would be more active. Maybe in a way her uninvolvement is a good thing since she is a teenager. And, again because of her LD status, maybe she just isn't ready yet like the other girls her age. I just don't want her to miss out on opportunities that are out there. Thanks!

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Anonymous
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Posted:Apr 11, 2001 12:30:42 PM

My daughter is an older teen also and has tremendous tendencies towards being a social recluse also. I think because of her slow auditory and verbal processing, she just can't keep up with the rapid fire conversation of the typical teen. Even if you had the money I don't think a Sylvan Learning Center is necessarily the best place for special needs students. In my area there are Federal and State programs that receive money to provide transition programs for learning disabled teens and usually these are free regardless of parental income. For example, a local community college had a summer program for LD students that involved some academic improvement classes, but also social skills activities, field trips and activities designed to teach the student how to self advocate for needed accommodations. There is a state program that provides summer work experience (with pay) for special needs students; a childrens' hospital sponsored summer program for adolescents with special needs that included work internship, social skills training and group activities to provide opportunities for the kids to develop friendships. Many LD kids are socially isolated and just do better with kids who have similar issues. Keeping her involved in mainstream music or recreation dept activities is good, but perhaps you also need to start calling around to find out what programs there are for LD teens in particular. These have turned out to be where my daughter most comes out of her shell and participates. Good luck.

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Anonymous
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Posted:Apr 11, 2001 1:17:09 PM

Your suggestions are great,but I have't been able to locate these programs. My son is 17 and due to language (expressive,receptive) is also unable to keep up with fast paced conversion. He makes friends and then gradually the relationships fall apart. He's beginning to feel isolated. Where are these programs??

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Anonymous
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Posted:Apr 11, 2001 4:45:44 PM

June, I had the advantage of a transition specialist in our high school who collects information on programs for teens with LDs. Try to find out who does this for your high school, district or state to get specific information for your region. Your nearest community college should have an office for disability support services and this may have information on employment readiness programs available to high school students. Possible sources of information through national agencies are the National Information Center for Children and Youth with Disabilities (1-800-695-0285) and the American Council on Education HEATH Resource Center (1-800-544-3284). For ideas see their web site at:
http://www.acenet.edu/programs/heath/info-from-heath/readArticle.cfm?articleID=45
Your son should have a transition plan in his IEP anyway and you can push finding a program to address employment skills, educational readiness, career exploration etc. These by necessity require social skills training for interacting with employer, clients and co-workers. Mary

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Anonymous
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Posted:Apr 12, 2001 10:52:08 AM

Greetings Marlene,

Since you are seeing your daughter becoming more reclusive - particularly with the lowered interest in activities she previously enjoyed - I would wonder if she is suffering from clinical depression. Our kiddos will tell us they're fine but their limited language skills can make it difficult for them to understand and express their negative emotions. Also, they can worry that we might think they're
*crazy*. Your daughter could probably benefit from some counseling. If money is a problem, check with your local community counseling center and also with your medical insurance to see what is covered.

Blessings, momo

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Anonymous
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Posted:Apr 12, 2001 11:01:53 AM

Greetings June,

Have you checked out the Fast ForWord programs for your son? Fast ForWord www.fastforword.com is a sound based program designed to
improve auditory processing skills. What FFW does is "retrain the brain" to
process sounds. My now 14yo daughter completed both FFW 1&2 and the improvements in her ability to process sounds improved dramatically! She too had problems with keeping up with conversations but rarely does now! The improvements in her auditory processing skills also helped with her expressive skills (although additional programs have improved that even more). FFW also has a program designed for the older students. While the program appears to be expensive, in our case, it was worth every penny.

Blessings, momo

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Anonymous
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Posted:Apr 12, 2001 1:12:05 PM

This may seem a bit off the subject but I feel my daughter's problems started with her social difficulties. My daughter is 19 and will be graduating from high school this June. She attends a private special education school for learning disabled and emotionally disabled students. She was diagnosed as LD at age 5. Other than speech and language services until third grade, she received no services in the public school. Because she is smart and was able to compensate so well, her grades were average or above average. But she bottled up all her frustrations during the day and would unleash them on her Dad and I. Because of years of rejection and confusion, she is now on medication for major depression. We don't seem to be getting anywhere though. She has spells where she can go to school and get through the days but then everytime there is a break from school, such as spring break, she falls back into the pattern of sleeping all day and not getting bathed and dressed. She says she hates her life and that she doesn't have any dreams. That she doesn't know what she wants or likes. She says things like "What does it matter because I'm not going to live much longer anyway?" We've been through four psychiatrists and three therapists and no one seems to be able to help her. They insist that she is on the right medication and that her problems are caused by her refusal to grow up and face the adult world. Please, if anyone has faced something similar, please respond with some ray of hope.

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Anonymous
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Posted:Apr 13, 2001 2:27:41 PM

We need to remember that getting through a full day of school with academic demands and social interactions can be truly exhausting for some kids. It certainly is for my 10 year old LD daughter -- she will go to her room and shut her door because she needs a very big does of peace and quiet to help her regroup.

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Anonymous
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Posted:Apr 14, 2001 4:37:09 PM

Momo,
I have consider FFW but have been unable to find a provider in my area. The web site,as I remember seem to to me circle .Does this program also address expressive language?

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Anonymous
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Posted:Apr 14, 2001 4:37:09 PM

Momo,
I have consider FFW but have been unable to find a provider in my area. The web site,as I remember seem to to me circle .Does this program also address expressive language?

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Anonymous
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Posted:Apr 14, 2001 10:22:46 PM

If you have an adequate computer, you could become the provider using a tutorial called Cross Train offerred to "educators" by FFW folks. I did it that way last summer with my then 7 year old son. A lot of providers have you doing it yourself at home anyway and will charge you 2000 plus for the priviledge of having them send information to FFW folks.

Some people say big difference in expressive language. I can't say we have noticed that. Biggest difference is in ability to follow conversations when not focused on them--in other words, we now have a little eavesdropper. School also noticed difference in attention.

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Anonymous
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Posted:Apr 15, 2001 12:03:45 AM

Greetings June,

You're right, the redesigned website is somewhat confusing. The product you would be interested in is Fast ForWord Middle and High School. The following address connects you directly to an introduction of this program. It describes the program and gives a description of each of the exercises and its purpose. The cost of this program is $850.

http://fastforword.com/prod/index.php3?main=ffwd_mh/home&cartid=

You can provide it at home for your son as an (home) educator. You would first need to use the Cross Train program ($98) which would train you in how to provide the FFW program to your son. After you read about the program, be sure and click on *Cross Train* on the right hand side which describes this training program.

After you finish reading about Cross Train, scroll down to the bottom and click on *Search*. On the search line, type in *frequently asked questions*. When the selections come up, click on the third paragraph down which has the words Frequently Asked Questions in bold type. After reading this info, feel free to contact the company with any other questions you might have.

In 1999 when my daughter completed FFW, she needed to complete both FFW 1&2 which cost us a total of $1550 ($850 + $700 for 2nd level). She needed to complete both levels because her auditory processing deficits were so severe. I didn't see that FFW Middle & High School came in two levels (one building upon the other) but I'm not sure.

My daughter's expressive language skills DID improve as a result of FFW 1&2. She would still sometimes talk around a subject but she was better able to explain what she was trying to say and she was much better able to participate in conversations because she could finally keep up. Her expressive language skills have continued to improve with the PACE program we're using now.

Hope this info helps. Please feel free to email me direct if you have any additional questions.

Blessings, momo

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Anonymous
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Posted:Apr 15, 2001 1:03:19 PM

In reply to you request for SSI when either own property or a business people only get SSi if they can prove need. Once you declare that you have any type of income that places you above teh pverty line you can not get SSI however in you show that she has no income then perhaps she because she is 16 years old can re apply. Also now that your daughter is 16 perhaps she u may want to check out How her city and state municapal vocational rehabiltation Office can help her attend the facility that you mention in your letter if that is a place that your daughter wants to attend.

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Posted:Apr 16, 2001 10:10:23 PM

I have a l5 year old daughter who I believe is add - she is being assessed this week. She also is somewhat isolated - she tells me that she has friends at school - but the phone does not often ring for her - she does not get invited to friend's homes - she prefers to be home by herself, watching tv or reading. I know that she has experienced a lot of rejection from her peers over the years but it seems like it doesn't phase her. Where would I be able to get more information about common behaviors of an add adolescent? I would also like to join a support group for parents of add adolescents - where would I find this?

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Anonymous
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Posted:Apr 17, 2001 1:10:31 PM

Go to Chadd.org the website for one of the national ADD/ADHD organizations which has local chapters all over and might have monthly group in your area.

Borrow or buy Understanding Girls with ADD -- authors are Nadeau and Quinn I think. Amazon.com will have, it's fairly new, in paperback. There's been very little research on how ADD/ADHD is different in girls and this book is a start. I found it helpful.

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Posted:Apr 18, 2001 12:37:37 AM

I am not an expert, but I have a daughter with ld, and a big problem with social life. I would not take her to see a dr, unless she wants to go. If she is sucidal then thats different. She needs to have a wide door open for her to talk . It isnt easy when you dont fit in, because your not too bright in school. Is your daughter in all ld classes? If she is or was then she is already labeled by the kids and it very hard on her. I am not going to allow my child to be in all ld classes because this is a big problem for our kids in h.s. They really dont have a chance to be with kids that they might like to meet. My 16 yr. old says that no one pays attention to these kids,because they are so different. Dont let the school tell you different. They are different to the so called regular kids and not well liked. Your child needs friends and to feel like a senior in school. If her meds are good, then tell her that she needs to find an interest and give her support but also a time frame, she needs and
opportunity to meet kids also outside of school. Their are so many colleges avaiable to ld students, and they are not noticed as being different. She could prepare for this. Look for people who are ld, we have drs.lawyers, teachers etc. Never stop building her confidence. I tell my young teen that she has so much to offer,that she will find her way, even activities that are not group involved, are good because you still meet people with your interest.My daughter was also so angry all the time at home, but she is doing better and I think its becasue I finally let her know that I will not allow her to be so separate anymore in school. Shes never going to be a A student, but does that mean anything? She needs to be in control of her life and to help make choices. The school nver talked about how important speech and language was, but much later i have found out that this is a major factor in why ld children are so unhappy with their life. If you didnt have a friend or few friends and never were included how would you feel? The school lets you think they know best, but just remember its all politics.Tell your child you made some mistakes in her schooling, but you will always do your best. If she wants to she will tell you why she feels the way she does, when she really understands why.

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Anonymous
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Posted:Apr 18, 2001 11:10:14 PM

Have you any knowledge of software program "BrainBuilder"? It's also aim at Aud. Processing ? Also tell me about PACE? Thank you for your help.

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Anonymous
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Posted:Apr 19, 2001 12:14:07 AM

Greetings June,

PACE - Processing and Cognitive Enhancement - is an intensive, one-on-one program designed to improve a myriad of cognitive skills: visual and auditory processing, sequential and simultaneous processing, short-term and working memory, attention and planning. I would encourage you to use the Search feature at the different bulletin boards using the keyword PACE. There has been quite a lot of discussion about this program and you can read what other people are saying about it. Also, check out their website at www.mentalskills.com. I am providing both PACE and their followup reading program Master the Code to my daughter. She has made great gains in both her cognitive skill functionings and in her reading. We still have 8 lessons (of 23) to go before we complete MTC. I'll notify everyone of post-test scores at that time. Regarding auditory processing, PACE has 8 exercises addressing this. However, the PACE exercises are on the cognitive level where Fast ForWord address auditory processing on the sensory/motor level (the foundational level which supports cognitive skills). I don't believe my daughter would have made the progress she has made in PACE without having first completed FFW.

I do not have first hand experience with Brain Builder but I know it has been discussed on various boards. I would suggest using the Search feature on the other boards to find out more info. Also, check out the website www.nacd.org/bb3.html.

You also might want to check out the program Audiblox. It has similar components to PACE but at a substantially lower cost. Use the search feature on the other boards and also check the website www.audiblox2000.com.

Let me know if you have other questions!

Blessings, momo

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Anonymous
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Posted:Apr 27, 2001 11:49:37 AM

I happen to stumble on PACE and Brainskills which claims to help children with learning disabilities.
I have a son who is 15 years old and was recently diagnosed with austic spectrum disorder. Although he is in the main stream schooling and will be taking his 'O' Level examination this year, his results have been borderline despite tremendous amount of home tuition. He is weak in Maths and learning subjects and he needs an inordinate amount of efforts to achieve borderline passes. I learn that sensory integration therapy can help him to concentrate as he learns nothing from school as he is always feeling anxious and distracted. He has no friends by virtue of his ASD and cannot distinguish between the lines in comprehension of English. His interest lies in music where he can pick up the notes by hearing but has difficulty to read the notes correctly.
Although he has an average IQ , he is not able to achieve better results despite a lot of efforts on his part and with the help of the tutors. I also help him with his Maths.
Please share your experience with me on the efficacy of PACE or Brainskills or any other programs and whether any of you have experienced difficulty to obtain refund for returning the PACE or Brainskills program.

Regards
soh

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