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Behavior: Social Skills, Self Esteem

my patience runs so thin


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Joined: Nov 03, 2005
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Posted May 03, 2001 at 11:00:24 PM
Subject: my patience runs so thin

I have a seven year old daughter who is dx dyslexia/adhd. She fits the mold of EVERY emotional and behavioral problem associated with dyslexia that I have read about. She has very low self-esteem which is at the top of our list of concerns. We have begun to get tutoring..OG method....and that is our happiest time of the week! She will be going to a day camp for dyslexics and hopefully on to their school in the fall. The problem is ME! It's so hard to discern behavior that is due to her LD and behavior that is not. She mis-perceives so much of what I say and what is going on around her that most of the time I can't tell. She is extremely sensitive, emotionally and physically, and a lot of her day to her is one catastrophe after another......from brushing her hair to her covers falling crooked off the bed.......from stumbling over her own two feet and almost falling to getting a drop of water on her clothes.... it is ALL
a big deal to her and her "way of controlling life." (her words)....Every day is trying to us all. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Would also like to know if anyone else has like experiences. Thanks.....

Jan in SC

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 20, 2014
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Posted:May 04, 2001 9:31:01 AM

Jan,

I can understand how your daughter fills. I to have a slim case of Dyslexia. It's not as complexs as her but I to get down on my self at times. It's nothing new what your daughter is feeling and its ok. The low self-esteem is common and I to have low self-esteem. The thing I try to do is think of one thing positive in my life everyday and built on that. Plus I have great parents and friends around me at all times to pick me up when I'm down. The tutoring and the camp sounds great and I think it will help her a lot to be around other children the have some of the same problems. This will help her to understand she is not alone and even have other people talk to about it. The best advice I can give you is just love your daughter and stay positive.


josh

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 20, 2014
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Posted:May 04, 2001 11:13:55 AM

Jan,

Has she been evaluated by an OT for sensory integration problems? A lot of her difficult behavior sounds like that to me. You might start by reading the book "The Out of Sync Child". Also there is a book called "The Difficult Child" that has a lot of behavioral management techniques that you might find useful. I can't remember the authors but you might search on Amazon.com by title.

You also might find her behavior improves when she starts feeling more competent.

Beth

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 20, 2014
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Posted:May 04, 2001 11:17:51 AM
Subject:Re: P.S.

You also might consider having her evaluated for Central Auditory Processing Disorder (CAPD) if you haven't already. You say she misperceives what you say---she may have problems decoding speech. My son was like this too. We did a program called Fast Forward with him and all of sudden he understands what is going on around him. Look under LD indepth and processing for more information. You need a specially trained audiologist--usually associated with a university or children's hospital.

And you are right--it is hard sometimes to discern what is willful and what they can't help.

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Anonymous
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Posted:May 09, 2001 11:28:35 AM

Hang in there Mom! You are not alone -- these kids who we so dearly love can be incredibly trying. Try Ross Greene, The Explosive Child (long subtitle). Definitely go for some further evaluations to see what she may not be "getting." The new school will hopefully really help you with resources and sense of direction.

As important: consider finding yourself, your daughter, and perhaps your family a good therapist. Your daughter, like mine, needs someone outside her immediate family to help her process how she feels about her various difficulties, AND to give her a reality check. This summer my therapist (who used to be my daughter's and so knows my situation well) is going to run a short term group for moms -- to help us work through some of these "If I can't take it today, how am I going to make it through the next ten years" sorts of issues.

We do amazing things for our kids -- it sounds like you are; and we need support and encouragement too. good luck.

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Anonymous
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Posted:May 16, 2001 5:08:59 PM

I know how frustrating this can be. My son has sensory processing problems and for the longest time we thought he was just spoiled! You can imagine the havoc we wreaked on his self esteem. Sometimes with kids like these you just have to take a deep breath and try to soothe them. My child likes to be rocked even though he's way to big for my lap. Calms him down though.
Read the out-of sync- child if you haven't already. It really changed my perspective. Occupational therapy seems to be helping. Good luck, you are not alone.

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Anonymous
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Posted:May 29, 2001 6:28:00 PM

The most important thing you must do for your daughter is take some of the pressure off. We didn't know what we were dealing with and now our teenage son is so depressed he finally just dropped out of school and life. These children need space and time...forget what she can not do and find a tutor or
school that focuses on her strengths. Take her to museums, concerts,...
etc,
Try outdoor adventure programs and nature classrooms
If you don't ease up on your expectations and worries she will end up feeling like a freak...believe me a suicidal teen is your worst nightmare.
Praying for you
MT

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Anonymous
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Posted:May 30, 2001 8:20:09 PM

We have a son who is very similar. I wasn't able to find the patience until we started home schooling and it was either find it or go out of my mind. We understand each other now and when he sees me start to loose my patience he kindly tells me, I'm a good kid. I wouldn't do anything on purpose so help me. He actually says these things where as before he didn't even recognize his behavior. I can't tell you we did anything different except spend an awful lot of time together.

One book I use is How to talk so your kids will listen and how to listen so your kids will talk. That seemed to help us a lot as well.

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Anonymous
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Posted:Jun 02, 2001 8:57:15 PM

Your daughter sounds SO MUCH like mine! We also struggle with many of the same things. She was recently diagnosed with a learning disability so she will receive special education services next year. She will also be evaluated by an occupational therapist to see if this type of service will be beneficial. My daughter is 8 years old and we have been struggling with academic issues as well as motor skills problems for several years. One thing that helps me cope with her difficulties is spending as much time as I can enjoying non-academic activities with her. Going swimming, going to Six Flags or just going for walks around the neighborhood allow us both time to enjoy each other without demands being made on us. It is so difficult being a parent to a child that has these types of problems. You sound like you are doing a wonderful job with your daughter. Hang in there and remember that many very successful individuals have learning disabilities like our daughters'. I remind myself and my daughter of this quite often. I have no doubt she will be very successful in her own way if we can just get through these difficult years. Good luck!

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Anonymous
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Posted:Jun 10, 2001 10:08:56 AM

I truly can understand what you are going through. I have a sister who has dyslexia and she also has very low self-esteem and self-worth issues. My advice to you is to find one thing that your daughter is really good at and work on that. Build her self confidence. Also, remember that all children, different or not, will have behaviors that worry parents. Your not alone. Find a parent support group that have the same interestas yours. That could help you distinguish your childs behaviors, and it will help you feel
better about your situation.


You mentioned that your daughter has ADHD as well. A good resource for dealing with the behaviors associated
with adhd is Dr. Terry W.Alderman. He has written several
books that addresses these behaviors and gives good, effective stratagies for teaching children the appropriate way to behave. They also address self-esteem issues. They
are geared toward the classroom but I have found that they work wonders in the home as well. They teach organization
skills and give order to a childs life.

Hang in there! It sounds like you are willing to do what ever it takes to help your child. Never stop looking for new
things that will help your daughter live a successful life.

Here are some more resources:

Alderman, Terry W. Discipline A Total Approach: Beaufort,SC. 1991

Briggs, Dorothy C. Your Child's Self-Esteem: The Key To Life. New York: Doubleday & Co., Inc.,1975.

Faelten, Sharon & Diamond, David. Take Effective Control
Of Your Life: A Complete Life To Stress Relief. RodalePR Inc. 1988.

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