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Behavior: Social Skills, Self Esteem

social skills in school


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Joined: Nov 03, 2005
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Posted Nov 08, 2001 at 7:03:03 AM
Subject: social skills in school

While at my sons school today I looked in at the lunchroom, he was sitting at a table by himself. When I asked him after school why, he said he doesn't have any friends. When the teacher was asked about in the classroom, she stated he has been given a "peer tutor" who sometimes chooses not to work with him, at which point my son breaks down, and refuses to work with anyone else (not that anyone else will volunteer to be his partner) He is the only special ed student in the classroom under inclusion.

He goes to a catechism class one night a week, and does fine socially, he attends Cub Scouts and does fine socially. He has friends in the neighborhood who play fine with him (not in his grade, but in his school) So where is the problem? With him? or with the way the school is letting other kids treat him? I am not ignoring the fact that he has learning disabilities, and isn't as socially concious as someone without these same disabilities, but if he can do fine outside of the classroom making friends and keeping them, why is it he is forced to endure ridicule and being made an outcast in someplace where its supposed to be safe.

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Anonymous
Joined Aug 31, 2014
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Posted:Nov 08, 2001 9:27:14 PM

I don't know how "safe" schools are. Schools would like us all to believe that but creating safe schools is hard to do these days.

That your son has a successful social life outside of school is wonderful. How long has your son been in the school? Is this the first year he's felt friendless? Has he been sitting alone all this year?

If this were my son, I'd go quietly in to school one day and observe -especially at recess. I might even take a quiet seat in the back of the classroom during less structured times like art or music or free time if they have it. If you sit quietly, the children will forget about you and you'll see what you see. See if there's anything that could be done differently to help your son socially in the classroom.

In the meantime, do you know any of the families of the children in his room? Outside of school playdates can help to create and cement in school friendships.

Good luck.

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Anonymous
Joined Aug 31, 2014
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Posted:Nov 09, 2001 10:05:27 AM

Joan V below had some interesting comments that might be useful. It may be the unstructureness of school play that is a problem. Now I know that neighborhood play isn't structured but in my experience there is a huge convenience factor involved. My son, for example, doesn't particularly like the boy next door (for good reasons) but plays with him because he is available. You would think they were best friends by the amount of time they spend together.

I also don't think schools are particularly safe environment. I have some very bad memories of school.

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Anonymous
Joined Aug 31, 2014
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Posted:Nov 11, 2001 8:20:08 AM

Patty,
I can't tell you how your son's situation saddens me. I am the mother of three elementary school aged children and will receive certification for special education teaching in 1 year.
I don't understand the teacher's response to your situation. If she is aware that your child's peer tutor is not accepting the tutoring responsiblities, then the child should be dismissed from the tutoring program. She seems to be shurgging her shoulders and saying "Oh well". That is unacceptable.
Teachers have the responsibility to foster a nurturing, postive environment within the school. ( I think that is this is what you meant by "safe" environment).If your son's teacher is not doing this, then she is only adding to your son's social difficulties. If other students see that she is accepting of your son being shunned, then they will find it acceptable also. She sets the stage for the acceptable and approprate behaviors of her students.
I also can't believe that NO other student will work with your son.
You are you son's advocate! Arm yourself with great suggestion for peer interaction and tell your son's teacher that the situation MUST be changed immediately.

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Anonymous
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Posted:Nov 11, 2001 1:21:58 PM

I know how you feel , my son ate lunch alone for awhile and it made me so sad. He also was the only ld child in his class. We recently put him in an ld school that is private. It has been wonderful- his self esteem has gone up. It is nice to have teachers who understand my child and who really like him. And he is not the only special ed kid in the class!

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Anonymous
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Posted:Nov 11, 2001 4:04:51 PM

Your situation makes me so sad. My son had similar difficulties. I finally came to the realization that it was the TEACHER as well of the mix of kids. She was very inconsistant in disciplining and there was a group who constantly harrassed my son, calling him "stupid" and "a loser". Her solution was to tell my son (8 yr old) to "work it out himself", something he was obviously not prepared to do. These kids realized soon that they could get away with it and not be stopped. This year, the teacher is very proactive - she doesn't tolerate any sort of ostracism or harrassment and even though she still wants my son to learn to work out his social issues, she is at his side when he tries and doesn't leave him to" wing it". The right teacher can make all the difference in the world.

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Anonymous
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Posted:Nov 18, 2001 8:01:58 PM

My son too doesn't have any friends at school . He plays by himself all the time he doesn't have any friends in the neighborhood or at cub scouts he is really a sweet boy . But the kids just like teasing him . we just moved here to NJ last year and the teacher he had was the worst I have ever delt with in 23 yearsshe made it a point to tell all the kids in his class that he had a problem and it was not in a positive way now those kids are still with him in class this year . they beat him up at least 3 times a week and all the school did was councel him. for being a victum I got mad went to school after 4 dr visits for the stomack pain and they called my son a lyer . He never told me about the bullies or that anyone ws hurting him he won't tell on anyone and is still that way but on the last visit to the dr he told her. I have tryed everywhere to find some answers to help my son I am still looking so you are not alone just another hurting mom Joanne

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Anonymous
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Posted:Nov 28, 2001 11:29:32 AM

I have a 16 year old daughter who is in special ed classes for Math and Reading. She goes to a small country school (380 k-12). The kids there she has went to school with since 2nd grade ( she is now a junior) she has been teased and left out of things a lot. There she has that label on her forehead of special ed kid. She can go out and meet kids from other schools and they love her to death and can't understand why anyone would mistreat her that way. I can't wait until she is out of school and she can't either.
I want to know if there is anyone out there who has children (I know that there has to be) that are the same age or older. If there are any other chat rooms or message boards that deal with this type of thing and that can give advise on socializing and sexuality and things like that. My daughter is like I said 16 very pretty, 5'2, blonde, blue eyed and has hormones like any other teenager. All I can say and hope is, HELP!!!!!

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Anonymous
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Posted:Jan 05, 2002 6:51:35 PM

Hi Joanne, reading your message really hit home. My son is 12 years old and also has no friends. My husband and I really hurt for him. He is in the regular classroom and goes out to resource and and the kids just ignore him, I don't think anyone says anything to him all day. My husband is his best friend, takes him to games and plays football with him but socially he really needs to have peers his own age. We live in NJ too, if you hear of any social groups for LDs anywhere let me know. Cheryl

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