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Behavior: Social Skills, Self Esteem

social skills very important


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Joined: Nov 03, 2005
Posts: 69138
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Posted Nov 30, 2001 at 12:40:46 PM
Subject: social skills very important

My son an adult with high functioning LD. I educated him. He did go to school though. He also had medical problems and went to doctors almost daily. He finished college and is working. He is a chess champion, and plays on the computer. I am very proud of him. He has no friends. Live in an area where there isn't much going on. He now doesn't fit in with programs for LD adults. And, doesn't fit in with so called regular people. What can he do now? Any suggestions? I also noticed social skill problems when he was in school and tried to help him then. And he was also picked on in school. I just want to let you know that this problem sometimes continues.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 01, 2014
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Posted:Nov 30, 2001 6:32:20 PM

If he is a chess champion, that could provide some social outlet for him. Is there a chess club in your area? People who play chess avidly tend to be bright as I am sure your son is and run the gamut from social to loners. Chess people can be very welcoming of all kinds of people.

And are there other pursuits in which he would be interested besides chess that might interest him in the same way? Bridge?

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 01, 2014
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Posted:Dec 01, 2001 8:46:43 AM

At the chess club in my area he plays chess with older men. Conversation is only about chess. I know he might be interested in bridge and he knows that. But at age 31 you need to do more than play games. Its good to have a friend to go to the movies with. And maybe on vacation, ect. He can't feel I am there to take him places or he sits home. He needs to make a effort to meet someone and expand his life beyond a chess board where he feels safe.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 01, 2014
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Posted:Dec 01, 2001 6:28:29 PM

Has he considered therapy? A 31 year old without friends needs to learn how to go about making them despite his LD. I've known adults to work with therapists who help them develop a plan for meeting people and a schedule to follow. They practice these strategies with the therapist and often keep some kind of journal or written schedule to document their progress.

You are right that he can't rely on you to be his social life. Someday you might not be there for him; it would be good for him to begin to learn how to go about this on his own. It will likely have to be taught concretely, following step by step if he's gotten this far without the ability to do it on his own. He CAN improve but it sure sounds like he needs a professional's guidance in order to structure the change into his daily routine.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 01, 2014
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Posted:Dec 03, 2001 6:12:20 PM

What then about taking some classes at night? In things he might be interested in? Some adult courses perhaps at a community college or perhaps at a place that simply offers enrichment courses. Bridge and how to play it is offered at all the adult/evening schools in my area along with many other courses. There are even courses in making social conversation which might be taken by others who share his interest in broadening their horizons. Volunteer work might also be an option. Many of my local museums gratefully accept volunteers as do all hospitals and community centers.

Would he teach chess? At a community center?

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 01, 2014
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Posted:Jan 06, 2002 5:32:48 PM

I have a 14 year old daughter who is on the borderline, she is mentally challenged and attends a life skills classes in school, but also is taking pull out classes with the regular kids eg. foods, physical education, math resourse room, and she is involved in special olympics and is on the schools bowling team. She very much want's to be included with overnights and parties and going to movies and the mall with other girls her age, but no one ever asks her. She spends a lot of time on the phone calling "potional friends" but is always met with one excuse or another. I have tried to explain to her that after she calls a few times and gets excuses, they probably don't want to go and that she is better off to look for some one else. But she can be very persistant. She is a beautiful girl and would never know she is handicapped in any way until you talk with her, she is probably on a 4th grade level intellectually and emotionally. She has also discovered boys recently and I have caught her calling them also and asking them to call back and talk with her and to be her boyfriend. I know these are things that are important in every teen age girls life,
but what to do when no one is interested with her company? The kids are not mean to her they just don't want to be involved with her. The kids in her life skills classes are much lower functioning than she is and she has no interest in being with them. We live in a small community, I want her to have friend and fel wanted but what should I do? Chris

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 01, 2014
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Posted:Jan 07, 2002 3:42:48 PM

Hi Chris,
I don't really know what to say. My heart goes out to you. Just keep trying. It is very hard for your daughter. I understand. Maybe it is a very slow process for her. Maybe a different group. I don't have answers. I am stilling dealing with it. My son now wants to drive Well that brings up other concerns. But I feel he can. Maybe that will give him the idea he can join a group and meet people. Barbara

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