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Behavior: Social Skills, Self Esteem

college bound students,dorm life and social skills


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Joined: Nov 03, 2005
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Posted Dec 02, 2001 at 8:36:53 PM
Subject: college bound students,dorm life and social skills

I have a 12th grade ld/adhd son who is college bound. He wants to live away from home, in an apartment or a college dorm. My husband and I are very concerned because he has very poor social skills. He is very disorganized, extremely messy, has boundary issues and keeps crazy hours. When my husband and I try to discuss these issues with our son, he refuses to listen. Does anyone have any suggestions or comments about this? Does anyone have any experience with children who have poor social skills going off to college? My husband and I are very worried. We don't want to discourage our son. We would like him to have a good experience when he goes off to college.

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Anonymous
Joined Aug 31, 2014
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Posted:Dec 02, 2001 9:38:17 PM

This may not be the solution you're looking for, but I know at the College I attended, you could request special housing as a disabled student. This included being able to request a single room (ADHD fell under this "medical" clause). That way he could still experience the social environment of the dorms, but be able to have his "own" space and keep his crazy hours.

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Anonymous
Joined Aug 31, 2014
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Posted:Dec 02, 2001 10:01:05 PM

what is the name of the college you attended? Do you know if it has an LD program? Thank you for any suggestions.

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Anonymous
Joined Aug 31, 2014
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Posted:Dec 03, 2001 6:07:22 PM

Perhaps consider choosing a college with him that specializes in the student with learning differences. There's a great guide - the K&W Guide to Colleges for Students with Learning Differences.

Good luck.

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Anonymous
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Posted:Dec 04, 2001 1:53:42 PM

I attended a small liberal arts college in Maryland. Unfortunately, it didn't have specific LD services (would probably be fine with someone who is relatively self-motivated, has some accomodations, but is basically ready to self-advocate). As far as I can tell, there was one person who is in charge of all disability services.

The school worked fine for me (with mild NLD and organization problems), but not for my friend (who had vision problems and a mood disorder), so I've seen both sides.

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Anonymous
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Posted:Dec 04, 2001 4:39:30 PM

Could you tell me the name of this college, in Maryland? Thanks.

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Anonymous
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Posted:Dec 04, 2001 8:06:07 PM

Many colleges say that you can get a private room if you pay a bit more, but many are seeing record numbers of freshmen and might not have a single room available even for someone willing to pay.

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Anonymous
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Posted:Dec 05, 2001 10:23:17 AM

St. Mary's College of Maryland

It's a state school, designated a "Public Honors College"

www.smcm.edu

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Anonymous
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Posted:Jan 23, 2002 12:27:24 AM

I have an LD--recently diagnosed. I have been a resident advisor at the University of Utah for the past year so I think that I might be able to help you out a little bit.

At most universities single rooms are available on a first come first serve basis. However, I thought that having a roommate was one of the most valuble experiences in my life.

He will have an RA on his floor that can help him work out conflicts with roommates, etc...He'll have to learn these skills someday. Having a roommate and living in the dorms helped me greatly with my social skills. Also, at most universities room change requests are allowed until a few weeks in.

In my opinion I think that he should try it out and if it is absolutely not working out he may be able to get out of his contract with documented info. This was a short and vague response. If you would like more info. as I am in a position to let you know more please feel free to e-mail me. Good luck!

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Anonymous
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Posted:Jan 29, 2002 2:41:38 PM

Sometimes children (whether or not disabled) just need to learn certain things on their own. If your child is of normal intelligence (which I assume he must be) and you have tried to explain the challenges, then I think you should not interfere with his choices. It would be better to provide him information from the schools he is thinking of attending about their support services, and make sure he has college visits (even stays overnight in a dorm if possible) than to try to dissuade him from his choices. He ultimately has to live with his choices and although we as parents would like to endlessly protect our kids from everything bad that could happen to them, we cannot. My 20 year old wanted to quit the special school for which the school district is ordered to pay until she has high school skills, first in order to try community college and most recently police academy. She quit cc in the first week after discovering she could not yet read the textbooks. Six months later, she has survived the first three weeks and academic tests of police academy. She may surprize us and finish even without high school academic skills. If she fails, she will not be able to say that she wasn't allowed to try.
Rosemary N. Palmer

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Anonymous
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Posted:Mar 04, 2002 3:57:01 PM

You might try getting your son a medical single room. If you get a doctor's note to say that your son would succeed the most living by himself, you may have a case. If your son should get a single, ask his RA to show your son how to keep his room clean. RAs generally have singles as well.

I actually just came from inquiring about getting a medical single room for myself. I have a roommate this year. I wanted the Freshmen experience. But I think that I would do much better if I had a room all to myself. Look in to it. I'm sure people would be more than happy to help you out.

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