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Behavior: Social Skills, Self Esteem

My 8 yr olds friend is a bad example


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Joined: Nov 03, 2005
Posts: 69140
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Posted Dec 26, 2001 at 8:53:32 AM
Subject: My 8 yr olds friend is a bad example

My 8 year old little girl has this friend. She can be really sweet sometimes but she never wants my daughter to have any other little friends besides her. She hogs my daughters friendship in other words. She is ill mannered,foul mouthed and I personally think she has abandonment issues and thats why she doesn't want my daughter to make friends with other children. She is bringing my daughter down to her level. Since she met this kid, her ghrades have gone so far downhill,her social skills have too and she is becoming this angry little girl with attitude all the time. The thing is she is in the same grade,same school bus,same bus seat,same classroom and they play together everyday. And I got to know her mother overtime and her mother seems really nice. How do I ask all of you to help me dis-associate my daughter with this girl in school without sounding like I'm being mean? Cause thats not my intention. My husband spotted this right away and always wanted me to chill on them being friends but I would always say "She is friends with her and we can't break their friendship off just because WE don't like this girl" But I realise I was wrong and that we as parents have a right and obligation to protect our children from bad influences as they grow up. My problem would be HOW do I do this without hurting people? I don't want to hurt this little girl or her mother but I just don't want my daughter hanging out with this kid anymore! Help?

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Anonymous
Joined Jul 26, 2014
Posts: 69140

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Posted:Dec 27, 2001 9:31:48 PM

If you want to totally cut off the relationship, there is no way there will not be hurt feelings. However, you could damper it a bit. Some ways would be to get your daughter involved in activities that this child is not, invite other children over to the house (or to go with you on activities if the child will show up at your door every hour of the day), ask the teacher to pair her up with other girls because you want to broaden her socially, put her in day camp in summer if child is in neighborhood. Believe me I know where you are coming from because my son plays way too much with the door next boy. I don't want to totally sever the relationship because we're neighbors but I am seriously considering daycamp for the summer.

Beth

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Anonymous
Joined Jul 26, 2014
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Posted:Dec 30, 2001 8:47:07 AM

Have a gentle talk with your daughter about the need to have more than one friend. Point out that you and your husband have more than one friend. Share with her that it doesn't serve us well when in a school community to know and play with only one other child. Next year, remind her, they may not be in the same class.

Don't mention the negative things you see about this child. That usually doesn't have an impact. Do then become very active in seeing that your daughter invites other children from her class home. Use convenient times like upcoming Valentine's Day to invite a few children from the class home to make Valentine's or bake cookies or watch a video.

As to the times this other child is still over - you won't be able to break it off completely without being mean - don't hesitate to let the child know that foul language is NOT appropriate in your home. And if she's ill tempered it's ok to say gently "I'm sorry you're in such a grumpy mood today. I like to be around people who are smiling and I like my daughter to be around smiles too. Is there anything we can do to help you get smiling today? Would the two of you like some ice cream or like to do something special that might brighten your day?"

I found once with my own child and a friend that when I discouraged the foul language, even gently, the friend no longer wanted to come to our house. When the mother called I could gently explain that little Johnny was "feeling his oats" and using very inappropriate language and that I needed to ask him not to and that I thought playing at our house was no longer fun for him with the restriction on his language. The mother preferred that her son no longer come over either as she felt his choice of language was his to make. It solved the problem nicely with no hurt feelings anywhere.

Good luck.

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Anonymous
Joined Jul 26, 2014
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Posted:Dec 31, 2001 10:20:43 AM

so much. I'm SO happy I found these boards!!! I got some GREAT advice thats GREATLY appriciated :)

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