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Behavior: Social Skills, Self Esteem

Age 16 - No Close Friends


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Joined: Nov 03, 2005
Posts: 69140
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Posted Jun 29, 2002 at 1:36:39 AM
Subject: Age 16 - No Close Friends

I have a 16 yr old girl, who has had learning disabilities and only recently been able to get a psycologist to say she is having visual and auditory, as well as memory deficit issues.

Because she is considered "weird" by the "normal" students, she is given no mercy in regards to the teasing, and being left out of a lot of things. She's become a loner to avoid being hurt, but loves to be around others.

She's always been this way. She's really a sweet person. She's not the normal teenage girl, wanting to wear the "stylish teen clothes". She dresses very conservatively, and is very self conscience of her body, which has been more developed than most girls her age already (by age 13).

Because school district personnel have not agreed with me and basically tested to the point of being borderline able to help her, but not the right side of the border, I've been very frustrated over the years just fighting for her day to day existance so she'll succeed.

I'm at my wits end even now that we finally this year got a psyc. dr. to say she's got the issues. Some insite and direction from someone would be great (SoCal).

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Anonymous
Joined Sep 02, 2014
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Posted:Jul 01, 2002 4:57:43 PM

My sister is 15 will be 16 in August, and she also has no close friends. I have sent her to camps( I am debating on whether or not to send her to one this summer because her educational needs are far to great right now), any type of extra curricular class you think of - and these are things that she says she is interested in at the time, but she has not been able to get anything social out of these interactions. She faces the same issues as your child when it comes to school. I am really worried about her and others like her, because I feel that there are people who prey on these types of people, and who ultimately don't have there best interest in mind. Also in So Cal.

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Anonymous
Joined Sep 02, 2014
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Posted:Jul 02, 2002 10:42:43 PM

It is hard to get schools to change. Sometimes we can help our children make positive social contacts on the outside of school. Does your daughter have any outside interests? Could she sing in the church choir or even get a little part-time work at a place where a few other young people work?

My own son was sustained through his social difficulties at school but taking martial arts lessons outside of school. He found the other students in that small and very structured setting were accepting of him and he looked forward to his classes. I think it helped him to get through the challenges of the school day even though very little changed at school.

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Anonymous
Joined Sep 02, 2014
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Posted:Jul 03, 2002 1:35:17 PM

I am a paitient at Mass. General Hospial psychiatry unit with similar problems that your daughter may have are Asberger's Syndrome or Dyssemia (non-verbal learning disorder), confirm this with a psychiatrist.

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Anonymous
Joined Sep 02, 2014
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Posted:Jul 05, 2002 7:46:52 PM

if she loves being around people, the difficulty may not be so much on her end. if she has learning difficulties, esp. auditory ones and memory ones others may think she is rude when she is not, or not interested when she is. this often happens to adults with hearing problems.she may never have learned to read social cues secondary to these problems. and the teasing makes it worse. has she seen a speech therapist who knows about social stuff, it might help, even if its private.it would also help her with the auditory stuff related to social problems. i would also recommend outside activities in an interest area with small groups and a mentor who could pay a lot of attention to her. maybe ask her yourself if you could would be able to what she thinks would help. also a peer buddy who is in a key club and could do something fun with her once a week would work well, girls at that age who are hand picked could help a lot. i would recommend counseling too to sidestep any possible depression. i wouldn't suspect asperger's too quickly, its being overdiagnosed.

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Anonymous
Joined Sep 02, 2014
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Posted:Jul 18, 2002 11:10:00 PM

My daughter too has no close friends,or I should say not any more.She behaved inappropriately and her friend chooses not to be around her now. I believe that my daughter, who is 17, does not know what a friend is or how to sustain a friendship.(She has learning disorders and slow development). We have contacted a local teen mentoring organization . A trained psychologist will come to our home and in a way will befriend our daughter, take her places, and teach her social skills...our hopes are placed with this now. It is painful to watch ones child not only suffering the normal throws of adolescence, but missing that very
bright spot of a close friend to confide in and commiserate with.Good luck to your daughter.Colo

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Anonymous
Joined Sep 02, 2014
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Posted:Aug 09, 2002 12:31:30 PM

My daughter is 14 and too is socially immature. I have been trying to help her, yet not be too visable. Three years ago I handpicked a friend for her and that relationship was great, but now her friend wants nothing to do with her due to her immature behavior. She has been in musicals in school and quite a few outside activities with desperate hopes on my part for her to find even one friend. The kids her age just want absolutely nothing to do with her.

I am intrigued about this teen mentoring program. Is this something that I need to go to a psychologist for? I am willing to try anything for her. It is just breaking my heart. The scary part is she seems to be oblivious to all the teasing and sneering that is going on. I see it, but she doesn't. I don't know whether to be happy about it or sad.

Thanks for your time.

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Anonymous
Joined Sep 02, 2014
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Posted:Sep 25, 2002 2:03:29 AM

My son has had weak social skills for a long time. Whenever I tried to correct him when he ws younger, he would say, "I don't care." For the longest time, he had a group of four friends. Now, they have moved on to expand their group while leaving my son behind. My son plays on many sports teams, is involved with band and goes to religious school. He used to organize group activities and now says that he wants to see a friend but never calls anyone. No one calls him. We went away on vacation with a friend and his mther and my son acted very immature and atunted the child.
My husband has poopooed the situation for years so I thought it was my perception and I never got help for my son. Now he is a teenager and is even more resistent to suggestions. I don't want hm to speand all of his time retreating into his Play Station.
I feel your pain.

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