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Behavior: Social Skills, Self Esteem

does moving to a different place or school change things??


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Joined: Nov 03, 2005
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Posted Sep 30, 2002 at 9:45:34 AM
Subject: does moving to a different place or school change things??

Have any of you tried this with any success???K

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Anonymous
Joined Aug 20, 2014
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Posted:Sep 30, 2002 11:08:28 AM

Good question. If one is going to try this, it can help to check out the new school. While every school has its issues and all schools need to get more with the times, each school is different from the next.

Before I'd pull up stakes though, I'd invest some time in checking out other schools. Some regions are more oriented toward education than perhaps others and within regions, certain districts and school enjoy good reputations.

Unless a long distance is possible for you, it's not too hard to check out the local schools. Call the school secretary and tell them you're likely to move into the area (fib a little) and so you'd like to come see what might by your children's new school. They should allow you to come and visit although how much help they are during your visit can vary from school to school. As I did just this, I found some schools just let me wander the school but in others someone gave me a tour. It might also be good to make an appointment with the psychologist or principal or guidance counselor while you're there just to test out the waters and see how receptive they are to potential parents.

Good luck.

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Anonymous
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Posted:Sep 30, 2002 12:29:56 PM

I'd say it would make a difference if

a. a child has a reputation that is hurting them. This can be especially true in smallish school where what the world decided about you when you were five, is still the "truth" when you are 10.

b. you see that your child does better in social settings other than his or her school. For example, your child is able to make friends at camp.

c. you find a different kind of school which is a better match for your child.


I noticed in both first and second grade my LD son seemed to end up at the bottom of the social pile. He was in a very large school (1500 kids) so he was starting new each year. In his case, simply changing schools would not have helped.

On the other hand, we moved when my daughter was in fourth grade. She had an awful time--kids were different and she had a horrid teacher who had just moved herself and hated FL as much as she did. We moved her the next year to a smaller parochial school. We role played before school started, we talked to her teacher ahead of time, we kept on top of things. The values at the schools helped, the uniforms helped. She has done well. She did not have serious social skills issues but has always had some difficulty socially. Out of the fire of the first school, she has become much tougher. BUT she is not LD--she is a bright child who the paroachial school is a very good match for while she was very bored at the previous school. But still I think the issue of match is important.

Finally, I had my LD son in camp this summer for two days. It was a disaster. It was mainly after school kids who were there for the summer. The head counselor saw his duty as making sure everyone returned alive--nothing more. He was being picked on and refused to go anymore. I switched him to a camp at the parochial school where my other two kids go. He had gone there the year before but I had selected the other camp because it had more activities/field trips. I talked to the vice principal, and counselors (I had attempted to at the other camp but very unresponsive). He had a wonderful time and he does not even attend that school (the camp is reserved for school kids and siblings).

So sometimes it does make a difference. The adults at the first camp were not doing their job, in my book. I asked lots of questions ahead of time about number of kids, training ect. But since the camp was not on, did not assess it correctly. The parochial school atmosphere had an inclusive atmosphere which made the difference. I would love for my LD son to attend school there but he just can't handle the academics.

Beth

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Anonymous
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Posted:Sep 30, 2002 7:19:14 PM

I assume you are talking mostly about social issues here. I agree with Beth that if a child has a reputation that is hurting them, moving to a new environment may work--- if the underlying issues are dealt with. In my child's case she made friends easily at camps, etc. The problem was (and still is) that as she gets to know people better she stops being shy and is very blunt, always saying exactly what is on her mind. This gets irritating and makes it hard for people to be friends with her in the long term. How old is your child and why are you considering giving him a fresh start?

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Anonymous
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Posted:Sep 30, 2002 7:55:22 PM

Hi, thanks for the responses. My child had developmental delays, ot..,pt. etc when younger. She is now 8 and in the mainstream but she has attention issues in school, she used to perseverate, although not as much anymore and socially she is immature for her age and I believe most of the girls her age ignore her, with the exception of one or two here or there. I had to talk to the gym teacher to get her to try and change her rigid policy of kids choosing partners and teams because my child was being left last and it was ruining her self-esteem. They are trying a new system just in my child's class of counting off numbers but I don't know if that will last. She is in brownies, swimming lessons and I am starting riding lessons tomorrow. SHe is not a confident child and is full of anxiety, her nature is sweet for the most part, although she is also willful and has crying tantrums when she doesn't get her way. I have tried social skills groups for years, in school and out of school and I haven't seen too much improvement. What I really am looking for is a school that totally works on building up a child's self-esteem.

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Anonymous
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Posted:Oct 01, 2002 9:11:22 AM

You might consider putting her back a grade if you change schools. Social immaturity, apart from other things, does hurt. And it will get worse as she nears the teenage years. My daughter is very young for her grade---started as one of the youngest in a state with different guidelines. She does very well at school but clearly has different interests than the other girls. She is almost 12 and in seventh grade. Thankfully, she has one best friend at school and other friends out of school (all a year behind her in school). But when she was 8 there weren't any issues.

Beth

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Anonymous
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Posted:Oct 01, 2002 9:25:21 AM

Hi Beth, the only problem I would see with holding her back a grade at this age is that she is an average student and keeps up with her work and I would hate to hold her back intellectually, also I have a friend who's son was put back a grade last year, he's 10 because of poor grades and he is ridiculed and made fun of because he is so big compared to other kids. So, it's hard to tell and I guess each kid is an individual case. Her maturity level is more like her 6 year old sister's and frankly, a lot of times she acts younger than the 6 year old.

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Anonymous
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Posted:Oct 01, 2002 11:27:38 AM

There are no perfect answers. Is your daughter large for her age? If not, I wouldn't worry about that. I was thinking of it only if she switched schools--because it would be a different set of kids who wouldn't know her history. I understand about not wanting to hold her back intellectually but unless she is at the top of the class, I would put social conerns before that. She will suffer a lot because of it, as she nears the teenage years.

We have a neighbor child who they held him back this year because of general immaturity. He is repeating third grade and doing much better all around. This is at the same school--although it is a very large school. His parents only regret is they didn't do it earlier.

Beth

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Anonymous
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Posted:Oct 03, 2002 9:33:04 AM

thanks for input Beth, I definitely will give this some consideration. Socially, she is doing so poorly. She has no one to really play with.

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