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Behavior: Social Skills, Self Esteem

No Friends

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Joined: Nov 03, 2005
Posts: 69138
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Posted Oct 06, 2002 at 2:03:20 PM
Subject: No Friends

Hi! I am a grandmother raising 2 grandsons. The older is 11 and in 6th grade and is A.D. H. D and O.C.D. and is very overweight. Any way at school he has no friends. There is one boy that constantly teases him and then the other boys join in. He says after P.E. is the worst in the locker room when they change clothers.They call him fatass,lard butt ,retard and more. I have told the prinsable about it but he does nothing because this boys parent do a lot for the school and the community.What can I do I feel so helpless and sorry for my grandson because he has a heart of gold and he is so lonely.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Oct 06, 2002 9:13:29 PM

how about if you speak with the parents and explain to them how damaging it is to your grandsons self-esteem? I did this very thing after 3 months of this happening to my son, who isn't over weight but just bigger than the boy in question. His mom was appalled and it never happened again. Hopefully these parents will understand and speak with their children.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Oct 06, 2002 9:27:10 PM

You should be heralded for speaking up about this. Yes talk to the parents of these boys who are doing the harrassment. Nip it in the bud before it progresses to something serious. Another thing is just tell your grandson not to pay any heed to the teasing, because all the tormentor wants is publicity and an audience for his tormenting. Don't give to them.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Oct 07, 2002 7:25:16 AM

Hi, my suggestion is to go to the school psychologist and tell everything that has been going on, and perhaps they can either call the boys in and explain how inappropriate their behavior is, or at the very least they can give your grandson some strategies on how to handle these boys. This problems has to be fixed, otherwise your grandson's self-esteem will be destroyed. K

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Oct 07, 2002 1:59:07 PM

Dorothy,

I feel your pain. Have you tried talking to the teacher? I agree with the two previous posts. Talk to the parents, principal, teacher, counselor and police if need be. This has to be stopped. Your son's self esteem will be damaged and this should not be tolerated. We wouldn't want your son to suddenly snap one day and hurt somebody. I do not wish harm on anybody, but seriously, you can't pick on someone everyday (especially a child) and not expect them to lose it.

I will be praying for you and your son.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Oct 07, 2002 2:02:02 PM

Most importantly you wouldn't want him to harm himself.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Oct 08, 2002 9:24:58 PM

I have talked to the teachers and the principle and they all see what is going on but like I said his father is a big shot in the community and no one wants to upset the cart just for Gary. They all tell him to walk away just ignore him, or stay away from him but why should Gary always be the one to have to ignore it or pretent it doen't hurt. Can't this boy be suspented for a day or have detention for a couple of hours then when this happens enough times maybe his parents will finally disapline him.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Oct 09, 2002 4:22:48 PM

@!#$ you

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Oct 09, 2002 4:23:37 PM
Subject:f-u-c-k you

same thin as the above

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Oct 11, 2002 10:34:43 PM

There is obviously something wrong with the boys that are teasing your grandson. Maybe they have ignorant parents. Certainly they have horrible social skills and may not be very bright. And who is this manon creep? Another bully who doesn't "get it"? Or someone who hides behind an anonymous name? Probably the parents of the kids who bother your grandson.
Personally, I would tell your grandson to stop ignoring the teasers and kick their sorry butts for them. That will do more for his self esteem than anything. There was a time when prioncipals had the balls to deal with school bullies and their bully parents. Lawyers have fixed that for us. There was also a time when those other kids would have had the #$% beat out of them, just once, by his peers and the harrassment stopped. Oh how I long for those days.

Maybe you should get an attorney. Let them figure it out. THey screwed up the laws for us in the first place!

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Oct 12, 2002 9:08:35 PM

You should be ashamed of yourself. You are just another person out there that is screwing up their kids and don't get it! Get some help and stop harrassing people and teaching your children the same.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Oct 13, 2002 8:02:06 AM

Letts just beat em up ! Send those folks to Iran or the Palestinian Authority and tell them they work for Israel Mossad. They will be delt with. (Lawyers).

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Oct 17, 2002 6:02:14 PM

Ok first of all tell your grandson to make some friends outside of school, and second, not to beat the kid up. Beating him up, or trying to, will just make it more difficult for him at school. The kids will tease him more than ever before. He may also try using a punching bag or running after to school to work off some the anger he has from the kids. Also reinforce to him that kids who make fun of him have no real friends either, and they are trying to impress the people around them by making fun of your grandson. He may also try finding a person with some of the common intrests he has at school and build a bond of friendship on that common intrest, it even may be the boy who is always making fun of him because they are usually worse off than the rest of the people at the school. Do not try to stick up for your grandson when the kids make fun of him, ie: go to school and yell at the kids, this will only make things worse for him.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Oct 19, 2002 11:17:31 AM

Hi: I am so sorry your grandson has to endure this taunting. I agree with the advise that you should not confront these bullies and your grandson should not try to fight them. The school has an obligation to keep your kid safe from physical and verbal abuse. This is what I would do:

1) Documnent each occurence in detail. Who was present and who said what to whom. Have your grandson describe how the abuse affects him.

2) Write a letter to the principal and send a copy of the letter to the school superintendent/school board. In the letter, say something like:

Dear Mr. or Mrs. XX

I am writing this letter to request your help. My grandson, Name, has been verbally abused by Names, on numerous occasions. (List the dates of the occurences if possible and explain in detail the abusive language,taunting etc). If you will recall, I discussed this problem with you on (give dates) and you refused to help. The taunting and verbal assults continue. As principal of the school, it is your responsibilty to intervene and protect (grandson's name) from these abuses. Every day that you fail to address this problem, is a day that you permit the abuse to continue.

I insist on the school's and your help to stop this bullying immediatley! I will document each future occurrence and hold you and the school accountable for the emotional and psychological damage you are causing my grandson. Please do not fail to act now!

Sincerely,
Your name

Make sure you send the letter certified mail to the principal and school superintendent. Also, at the bottom of the letter, indicate that you are ccing the superintendent - this might light a fire under the principal's feet.

If the letter does not work, I would remove the boy from the environment. If possible, homeschool him or send him to another school. Whatever education he's receiving is not worth the abuse he's having to endure. I would also file a lawsuit against the school and the principal.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Oct 19, 2002 9:34:04 PM

Good Advice ! LB. Then again, the slime administration might make it difficult for the kid if they think he will sue em for their failure to act. My advice would be take it one up the superintendent's office and notify a news outlet too for publicity. This way her grandson is protected by publicizing this.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Oct 19, 2002 10:41:43 PM

Thanks everyone for your advice. We are keeping a journal of what is said and done to Gary every day and in a couple of weeks will meet with the principal and superintentant.If the school doesn't do any thing we are getting a lawyer and going after the school.Will let you know how it turns out.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Oct 20, 2002 12:31:46 AM

I don't know if this will help, but its worth a try. When my daughter was in sixth grade her teacher was saying some awful things to her. I went and bought her a little tape recorder and and told her to to keep it close to her desk . it took 2 days for the teacher to find it. Never had a problem for the rest of the year.They make these recorders so ssmall now days that your grandson can easly keep it in his pocket.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Oct 22, 2002 2:10:06 AM

Dorthey,
That sounds like a very good solution.

I think your grandson may be learning a very valuable lesson about how to deal with harrassment.

Documenting EVERYTHING is a wonderful idea. Make sure you also document any meetings with the principal and superintendent in case you do need to go futher.

Good luck to you!

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Oct 22, 2002 11:51:16 PM

Hi I feel I pain. My daughter has very few friends because of her speech problem .She in the 4th grade and I'm very worried it's going to get worse the higher she goes. In your situation I would try to see if you can get your grandson a different scheule . I would talk to the guidence teacher and get this gym class switch
around to a different period to get him away from those bullys
if not I would get a lawyer Kristi

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Oct 23, 2002 7:32:43 PM

I am so sorry your family is going through this. It is intolerable. I wouldn't even wait a few weeks to meet with the superintendent, etc. but demand a meeting now. I think the ideas to gather proof are great, but in my opinion your grandson's word is already proof enough. Most school divisions now have a zero tolerance policy on threats and it sounds like your grandson is in a threatening situation every day. The children doing this to him need to be stopped and taught to have more emphathy for people. I'd hope their parents, no matter how important, would be horrified with the actions of their kids. Best wishes to you and your grandson.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Oct 25, 2002 8:14:25 PM

I can totally relate to your problem about no friends.
I had the same problem when I was his age I had difficulty making friends
also I was teased about my hygiene I had a very difficult problem relating to society
I was called all kinds of names and teased a lot about my hygiene all due to my disability
also I was failing very badly the teachers were passing me just so I could graduate with my class
and I was only on a low reading and math level well my parents changed all that they transfered me to
another catholic school and I started out fresh with a new slate still being handicapped no one knew I
was disabled only the teacher and we kept it this way I started to make friends and have a semi normal
social life Now I am an adult with ld and I am doing very well with special accomodations I live in
a residencial program with people with ld and my social skills are alot better The point of my statement
is maybe you could check with to see if you have disabled services where you live most states have
them therefore your can get the special services he/she needs and meet other his/her age with ld also
just a thought for you to consider

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