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Behavior: Social Skills, Self Esteem

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Oct 26, 2002 8:53:52 AM

Great idea:

Nowdays it has to be 1984 (George Orwell). You cannot trust too many folks out there to look for one's kids. Anyway, also when you have evidence publish it in the papers or online audio clips. That gets their attention.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Oct 26, 2002 8:55:52 AM

Yes:

Those kids should be spanked and thrashed for what they do to that poor kid. Aunu Janus Das Kaput.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Oct 26, 2002 10:22:02 PM

It boils down to honor and respect. Bullies and punks need to be put in there place pronto. Honor used to mean something and honor should be defended. If more punks and bullies were given the opportunity to tastes their own blood this world would be a kinder place to those who are different. When respect is not freely given violence should not be ruled out.

I have seen it first hand. I knew a teenager from Thialand who was harrassed in high school by one of the biggest jocks. Finally this lad got fed up and one well placed kick to the boggotted jocks chops ended the harrassment and instantly gave the boy from Thialand the respect he deserved. The Thia boy Ott was a skilled kick boxer and could easily whip anyone in that school. When that became evident no one had the guts to harrass him.

There are 2 things that motivate scumbags. 1 is fear the other is money.Diane wrote:
>
> how about if you speak with the parents and explain to them
> how damaging it is to your grandsons self-esteem? I did this
> very thing after 3 months of this happening to my son, who
> isn't over weight but just bigger than the boy in question.
> His mom was appalled and it never happened again. Hopefully
> these parents will understand and speak with their children.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Oct 26, 2002 10:41:18 PM

A good down home ass whoopin is the answer. Now days Columbine happens but I have heard on good authority that the harrasment that the Columbine shooters endured was brutal. My own son had to dish out a few beatings to punks at his school. The trick is this you gotta beat em when you are off school grounds.

I now an older Jewish gentlman who described to me how they dealt with a local Nazi youth group in Utica NY in the 1930's. They whipped some Nazi butt back then. So now think about the parallel. The jews in America were allowed to defend themselves and therefore were not victims. The one's in Germany weren't so lucky.

To tell children violence solves no problems is a lie.

To tell children to turn the other cheek is teaching them how to be a victim.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Oct 26, 2002 10:58:44 PM

yes! Yes!!!!!!!!!!

Kick their butts and spank their parents too..... Down with Militarism.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Oct 28, 2002 9:52:17 AM

Looking at the posts from 10-29-02 backwards, I'm alarmed at what this question dredged from the bottom. Kudos to Dorothy who took the high ground to help her grandson. Maybe a kick-butt approach works in the movies, but a lot of the kids getting teased aren't able to kick anyone's butt anyway, so the point is moot. Escalating the violence will only make the learning environment less safe for everyone. As a psychologist I was recently consulted concerning a kid getting teased about his weight, being new in school, and generally being vulnerable. Working pro bono on this one, I had no specific power since I hadn't observed the kid in the setting and didn't know the school, but I did accompany the mom to the multi-staffed meeting, brought a tape recorder, and beefed up the school's accountibility. Mom was quite articulate in advocating for her son. Trouble is, the kid has a lot of negative behaviors that drive and contribute to the problems he has at school with both peers and teachers. There's always two sides. The teasing is absolutely wrong and must be stopped, with school, the boys, and the other parents accountable, but the teased child may also have to make some changes. Good luck to Dorothy. Linda

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Oct 29, 2002 5:14:16 PM

I've read all these messages and my heart goes out for your grandson. My son is now in 7th grade. Last year he had the year from hell. He was picked on, forced to defend himself in fights, had teachers with the attitude that all was his fault, etc. After conflicting opinions about how to handle this problem (the vice-principle said take the high road and ignore while the guidance councellor felt kicking a little butt would settle it) my son tried both. First of all you must understand my son at that time was5 feet 5-6 inches and weighed 170 lbs. He was not fat but a BIG, TALL kid. Could not understand why anyone would start on him since he could flatten them all too easily. His problem was that he was TOO nice and was raised with the realization that he had to always be careful not to hurt others because he was always heads over his classmates. Even though when push came to shove and a fight ensued, my son did "win" the fight, it didn't end. It became a point to pick on the BIG kid. The middle school had zero tolerance which meant my son got 1 day suspension and the instigator got 3. After 4 suspensions, numerous meetings, notes back and forth, I had had it! I told the school I would not tolerate it and wanted him moved to another school. It was late May so I agreed to wait for this year. IT WAS THE BEST THING I EVER DID!!! He is now a HAPPY, well-adjusted child doing MUCH better in school, has made friends and is involved in activities he loves. He has even gotten his 1st class in Boy Scouts! I was afraid that taking him away from the problem would not teach him how to handle problems. But sometimes the solution is to realize you cannot change the situation and the best answer is to leave it. It worked for us. God Bless you and your grandson.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Nov 06, 2002 10:00:19 PM

I would go to his learning consultant or the special ed dept. Forget the principal. They are worthless. Mention the word lawyer and they will get help for your grandson quickly. Especially in today's day and age of the problems in schools with bullying, they should be very concerned about stopping it now!

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Nov 09, 2002 10:27:47 PM

Dear Mary,

I too am alarmed at some of the postings. Message after message of "tell the principal, tell the superintendent, keep a journal,etc.", basically------negotiate an already failing and difficult system for most of us. I too am a professional.
You and I just read two different sets of books.

Your "from the bottom" characterization of the posters who do not subscribe to your way of thinking is unfortunate. I am sure you know that our schools are in terrible shape. I am also sure that you know that back before teachers lost their authority, and before laws and lawyers made total chaos out of the system, children received a better education. That has been proven.
And, depending on your age, you know darn well that kids "duking it out" over THEIR issues, usually ended the harassment problem by putting the bully in his/her place and kids pressed on. No one is suggesting that a child be aggressive against another child. But when a bully won't quit, and when the parents don't care or act, and when the school has done all it can do, then I say "have at it"! I don't know about you, but my kids go to school to learn. I resent the interruption of learning and the time and money wasted with the methods you and some others suggested. Let the parents do some parenting instead of relying on the school. Stop taking the teachers' and guidance counselors' time with problems that should be handled at home. And stop expecting the school to teach the ethics and values that should be taught at home.

Don't let your sheepskin cause you to lose your common sense, your gut, and your heart. Mine hasn't. And by the way, a lot of people think that people in your profession and mine are the REAL bottom feeders-----I'd be careful with the name-calling. You don;t want to be perceived as arrogant when all you really mean to do is help.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Nov 09, 2002 10:30:20 PM

Dear Mary,
I am sorry. My posting was in response to Linda.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Nov 11, 2002 8:34:41 PM

Sir:

You are absoulutely right ! Swift and sure retaliation is the only way to show the bullies that the "normal people" mean buisness. The principal or lawyer who sits up there in there office getting cut off from reality should be not essential in this thing. If they fail to take action to stop bullying, then the kid or his supporters will use means at their disposal to eliminate the bullying.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Nov 12, 2002 12:27:47 AM

I got called names in sixth grade like that by some boys in the hall even though I was a girl and not fat. It still hurt a lot.

I would suggest calling the parents or writing to to them about the situation. Just be "nice "and ask that the harrassment stop immediately.

That way you can show that you tried in a ":NICE " way , at first, to get them to intervene with their child who they are responsible for. That is important for the "record" ( and do make a copy of the letter before sending it.) in case you have to go farther to solve this problem to show that you tried in a nice way at first to solve the problem. Start a file and document everything. What your child tells you happened everyday. Who said it and what.

Document the talks you had with each school person, teacher, coach, principal etc. Write down the date, time and what the conversation was about. Take a tape recorder with you just & casually mention that you are taping the meeting so that you don't forget what was said later. Carry extra batteries and tapes. A small recorder works well.If you have to go farther, get an attorney or what ever, you can have this file of evidence. You could go to the school board and you could also call the Disability rights people for help.

If that doesn't work, talk to an attorney.

Forget about what they do for the community. My mother was horrible at home and didn't want me embarrassing her and my dad who where "known" by many people in the community. Big deal!! She didnn't mind verbally abussing me rather frequently. I was afraid to tell anyone because " they" were both well known in the "community". Or at least she "thought" they were.
More, I think it was paranoia and worrying what "other people might think".
If this kids parents are so well known and help the school so much, why is his kid such a jerk???
See what you can find out. Harrassing those with disabilities is pretty low. Remind his parents in your letter about the fact that your grandson has a disability and you may have to send them the bill if the harrassment makes it worse.
Ann G.

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 22, 2014
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Posted:Nov 12, 2002 12:38:42 AM


Excellent advise. You said it all, much better than I could. I agree too.
If the child is over weight, though I know from experience that that doesn't have to be the case to be called fatso, he should be in some kind of physically challenging activity.
To the grandmother and anyone with over wieght kids. Dont make an issue about their weight, but do something about it now.

Boy scouts can be good to for friends and activities.

Get him into ice skating lessons, some kind of sport program. Get a hoop if you can and shoot baskets with the boys. He needs to be active to work off the weight and to feel better about himself too.

Cut out the fats, oils, and so forth. Or at least taper down slowly. Have lots of cut up carrots and low fat pretzel sticks out for snacks. Low fat dip. Make popcorn if they like to snack. Cut out the cookies and cake and pie and donuts and french fries. Bad news for the body all the way around. Start a walking program with both boys. Walk with them, ride bikes, roller skate,anything, but get him moving and often. Make an appt. with a dietician for the whole family. Make it a family thing about just eating better.
Good luck
Ann G.

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