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Behavior: Social Skills, Self Esteem

mom making kids be someones friend


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Joined: Nov 03, 2005
Posts: 69138
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Posted Apr 11, 2003 at 5:46:01 AM
Subject: mom making kids be someones friend

I am confused about a situation. I received a call a while back from a mom on my street. She said all the children are not playing with her son. She said he is depressed because of this. He has ADD and is younger then most on the street. Every mom told their children to be nice to the child and include him. Well, now the kids on the street include him but whisper how they are sick of catering to him. They resent the fact that they have to treat him differently to accomadate the moms. I am wondering if making the children play with a child..might not be the best solution. They are starting to resent this little boy. How can he be included properly?

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Anonymous
Joined Nov 24, 2014
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Posted:Apr 13, 2003 9:08:56 PM

Have a talk with the mother if possible have her plan stuff to do with one or two children at a time plus her son. Like invite them to a movie, to go swimming. Something like this will be something the other kids enjoy, and give them time to get to know her son without a large group around. But to force the other children to be nice and include him is wrong, sooner or later they will tell hiim that they are made to play with him and this will hurt him a lot more than if she had left the sistuation alone. My daughter has a teacher that makes the other children in her 2nd grade classroom include my daughter in classroom games, and they tease her when the teacher is not around about this. I am working on the teacher not to force them to include her.

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Anonymous
Joined Nov 24, 2014
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Posted:Apr 14, 2003 7:21:09 AM

What a thoughtful question. Has anyone observed the children when they're playing? It's sometimes hard for younger children, ADD or not, to blend well into a group of children older than themselves. My own children were the oldest on the block by far and they didn't blend well and had to 'import' friends for after school play.

If someone can take on the hard task that it would be, it might help to explain to the mother than it's her child's age that is a deterrent to successful play. It might be enlightening for her to know that the other children are happy to include him, as a younger child, but also would like a break as they feel themselves to have been thrust into a kind of babysitting role.

Good luck.

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Anonymous
Joined Nov 24, 2014
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Posted:Apr 16, 2003 1:56:06 AM

I would think that this situation in some ways resembles the issues faced by children with younger siblings. Should they always have to include them in their games? I don't think so.

If other children understand that a child has special needs, they may be encouraged to sometimes include this child. To always have to do so puts an unfair burden on these children.

Parents of children with special needs may have to seek out other children with similar problems as playmates for their children, if their children are not accepted by non-disabled peers. Perhaps these children can be helped to develop hobbies or interests that will attract other children, or can be helped to develop behaviors that will be more acceptable to a non-disabled peer group.

What I do think is important for parents to communicate to their children is that teasing of children with disabilities is not to be tolerated, except within the context of real friendship, which often does include some teasing.

I also believe that parents can help their children to find ways of including children with special needs, without unduly sacrificing their own needs. Can, for example, a child with a walking problem, be a scorekeeper in a baseball game? Can this child have a turn at bat with someone else doing the running for him, so that the game is not compromised?

To sacrifice the needs of non-disabled children for the sake of a disabled child, will ultimately lead to resentment. Real friendship between non-disabled and disabled children has to allow both to get their needs met.

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Anonymous
Joined Nov 24, 2014
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Posted:Aug 02, 2003 2:56:50 AM

its better for him to be the loner than to have them include him because theyre forced to. think i wouldnt know? i was the loner for 17 years. he can and will be able to tell after awhile that he isnt wanted, even if he is included just to be nice or for whatever reason.

just hope he doesnt grow up to be like me in regards to school.

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