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Behavior: Social Skills, Self Esteem

How can I help her understand?


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Joined: Nov 03, 2005
Posts: 69140
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Posted Apr 13, 2003 at 9:02:03 PM
Subject: How can I help her understand?

My daughter is 7 yrs and 11ms. old she is a friendly child but has problems making friends. We moved at the beginig of the school year to a new school. So she started 2nd grade at the new school. The problem I am having is that when I send money to school with her, (for items that are really too small to justifiy the cost of a money order), the other children including some 4th graders will talk her out of it promising to be her friend if she gives it to them. After trying to tell her this was wrong, I went to the school, they told me this was my problem. After an incident this week I called two of the parent I knew. One was very receptive to my worries and has talked to her child. The other parent gave me the answer I should only send checks if I don't want her giving money away. One girl who is involved I don't know her or her parents. If my child were spending her money on a friend I wouldn't be near as worried. But these girls are making her pay to play with them or sit with them. Somethings like a school play or field trips I can't send a money order for. How can make my daughter understand why I am upset that she does this?

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Anonymous
Joined Apr 24, 2014
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Posted:Apr 14, 2003 7:15:33 AM

It may be quite hard for your daughter to understand that. Children much older than she is can have trouble with this.

I'm most disappointed in the school's answer to you for to me as a teacher, that would be ripe ground for some teaching. Those other children are doing something very wrong and the school community should want to address that - not turn its back on it. Such behavior is destructive of the sense of community and fair play that a school should want to foster for its own sake as well as the children. Did you bring it to the attention of the teacher or the school office?

In the absence of the school doing the right thing, and you having done the best you could to get in touch with the other children's parents, I'd write checks - no matter how small the amount - or put the money in an envelope and drop it off at the school office to be put directly in the teacher's mailbox.

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Anonymous
Joined Apr 24, 2014
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Posted:Apr 14, 2003 7:43:35 PM

I talked to both the teachers and the school office. And asked the school's counselor for help in finding a solution. I am at a lost on these things.

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Anonymous
Joined Apr 24, 2014
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Posted:Apr 14, 2003 11:18:22 PM

I'd be at a loss too. If the school is not interested in helping its students to interact appropriately with each other, there's little for you to do except go to the trouble of writing out a check or a money order and mailing it directly to the attention of the teacher.

The only other thing that might help is to try to explain to your daughter that real friends sit next to you whether you have money for them or not. Even if they feel like real friends, real friends don't take money from you. Ask her if you take money from her for being her mother? Does she pay you to do that? Just as mothers care for children without getting money to do so, friends care about their friends without being paid to do it.

Good luck.

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Anonymous
Joined Apr 24, 2014
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Posted:Apr 16, 2003 12:24:00 AM

Can you explain to your daughter that the money doesn't belong to her, so since it's not hers, she can't give it away? Can you explain that you are asking her to deliver the money for you to the person you want to have it? Can you explain that you're asking her to do this because you won't see the person who has to get the money? If you put the money in a sealed envelope with the name of the person who is to get it, this might help.

Whether or not she can understand about buying friendship, she may be able to understand that she can't give away something that does not belong to her.

If she does give away the money, this could be treated as misbehavior, not with major consequences, but to help her to learn that she is responsible for doing what you tell her to do.

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Anonymous
Joined Apr 24, 2014
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Posted:Apr 16, 2003 9:14:30 PM

Arlene Thanks for the advice I will try this approach and see how it works. But will for the higher amounts start sending money orders.

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Zeeboe
Joined Jun 30, 2003
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Posted:Jun 30, 2003 4:08:42 AM

I was pretty young when I discovered I had various learning disabilities. One thing that made me feel better about myself though was knowing that many celebrities shared my disability. The disability I am referring to is visual dyslexia. I have various other disabilities as well.

Anyway, my Mother gave me this book that had a long list of famous people [past and present] who also had visual dyslexia. Including two of my favorite childhood heroes. Former NBA basketball star, Earvin "Magic" Johnson and my favorite actor, Sylvester Stallone.

This made me feel much better, and even made me think having dyslexia was sorta cool. After all, two of my heroes had it as well, and they made it in the game of life so why couldn't I?

And since I thought Magic and Sly were the two coolest people on earth, I too felt cool because I had something in common with those guys. That is something many other fans of those guys could not say. I mean, I related to those guys on a personal level. How awesome is that?

Anyway, my advice is that you parents out there should try and do the same with your kids. Remind them that they are not alone. And that everyone, from famous people to working stiffs like yours truly have it, and there is not a thing wrong with it. And it is not their fault that they were born with this. And they can defeat it.

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