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Behavior: Social Skills, Self Esteem

Perfectionism and the annoying child


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Joined: Nov 03, 2005
Posts: 69138
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Posted May 18, 2003 at 12:26:23 PM
Subject: Perfectionism and the annoying child

My son is 11.5 and in the 5th grade. One of his ongoing problems is his need to correct other people. Whether that is a fellow student or his brother. He will talk out in class to correct a student that got an answer wrong--CONSTANTLY! He will correct teachers and his parents. He basically doesn't realize when to keep his mouth shut. He comes across like he is trying to be the teacher and/or the parent. If I am having a conversation with his brother, he will intervene or interupt with something.

He also has a tendancy towards negativity or the need to be too truthful. If his brother says he wants to be a baseball player, my son's reaction might be "do you realize how hard that is and how unlikely it is for you to do that?" etc.

He seems so literal that it is like if he lets things go and ignores them, then the world will cave in around him. HELP!!!

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Anonymous
Joined Nov 26, 2014
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Posted:May 19, 2003 11:05:57 AM

check out Michelle Garcia Winner's books--that teach how to teach kids who lack perspective taking skills--he doesn't think that other people have different thoughts than he does and doesn't know the social consequences to what he is saying. Her website is www.socialthinking.com. I recommend these books--can be used by a speech path. or other specialist to help your child.

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Anonymous
Joined Nov 26, 2014
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Posted:May 19, 2003 11:20:53 AM

I agree with the above suggestion on Michelle Garcia Winner. Jennie Mc Afee also has a fantastic book called, Navigating the Social World.

Have you had him looked at by a developmental pediatrician? Your child sound like he may have Aspergers Syndrome.

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Anonymous
Joined Nov 26, 2014
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Posted:May 19, 2003 12:46:21 PM

Thank you for the book recommendations--I will look.

What would make you say Aspergers Syndrome??

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Anonymous
Joined Nov 26, 2014
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Posted:May 22, 2003 2:58:43 AM

I suspect they said Aspergers because of the difficulities he is having with pragmatics (social skills) and the fact that he seems to be very smart and into details and wants things to be perfect....we are inferring this from the information you have shared.

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Anonymous
Joined Nov 26, 2014
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Posted:Jun 05, 2003 3:26:26 PM

This sound just like my 11 year old son who is in fact is diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome and has been on the spectrum since he was first diagnosed PDD at 2.5 years. There is a wonderful website called "Ooops Wrong Planet" that has alot of good information as well as the diagnostic criteria for Aspergers. Talk to your school psychologist. My son has been involved in a lunch time social skills group at school for 2 years now, and has made some improvements. Takes alot of work to try to teach a child about other peoples feelings when they do not grasp the idea that others may think and feel differently than they do. Good luck!!

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Anonymous
Joined Nov 26, 2014
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Posted:Jun 24, 2003 9:39:20 PM

I think it is important for you to teach social skills to your child because of "theory of mind". This is when a child becomes aware of other people's feelings and attitudes. Some students do not grow emtionally therefore they do not understand the feelings of other people. The child may not know how to be sympathetic. Children need to be taught things like personal space, appropriate questions, etc.
A good way to do this is through social skill books. Some by Carl Gray can be found at www.geocities.com/socialskillmanual/index.html. Other great books on how to have relationships, reading body language, and social skill can be found at www.difflearn.com.
Good luck.

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Anonymous
Joined Nov 26, 2014
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Posted:Jul 11, 2003 5:23:44 PM

This is a hard one. I had a student this way and I spent three patient years patiently counseling him to have patience. My poor student had few friends. No one could stand him. Over three years, I made a dent but it was just a dent and he left my classroom a little less negative than he was before but just as likely to blurt out negative things in class.

The only real progress I saw him make was once when a girl took an interest in him and sat next to him through class. She would point out to him that he had blurted something out and he would stop at her request.

His need for her interest proved greater even than his need to dominate the room.

My student is at MIT or Yale now - I forget which - but he's likely blurting things out there as well.

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