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Behavior: Social Skills, Self Esteem

16 YR OLD SON NEEDS SOCIAL SKILLS HELP?? WHERE DO I GO??


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Joined: Nov 03, 2005
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Posted May 30, 2003 at 9:29:56 AM
Subject: 16 YR OLD SON NEEDS SOCIAL SKILLS HELP?? WHERE DO I GO??

Hi,

I have a loving and sensitive 16 year old boy, who has been labeled ADD since he was 6. I know, through my own research, that ADD is most likely a symptom and not the real problem. However, he has all the classic traits, including impulsivity, hyperactivity, immaturity and has struggled with friendships all these years. In my sons case, he desires relationships, he is definetly not introverted. He has a great heart, but because he struggles terribly with language, both verbal and non verbal, he finds himself shunned by people when he inappropriately responds or pops-off with something. He is a very good ball player and that has helped due to the fact that these kids "hang" together during the season. But when we there are gatherings of the boys, I can see the problems. The other day while he and I were alone, he broke down into tears. He knows it may be years before he will truly have a real friend.

Are there any effective programs for this age? In particular one that would relate to the older child? I have been surfing looking for videos or DVDs, which I know he could comprehend better, but cannot find anything.

Thank you for any suggestions,

Dee

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 19, 2014
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Posted:May 30, 2003 3:57:52 PM

Have you tried medication for ADD? I remember there was one child on the PBS special Misunderstood Minds that aired last Spring who was diagnosed ADD. Her parents avoided medication, even switching schools. Eventually they tried a trial of medication and it made a tremendous difference in her ability to sustain relationships.

Beth

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 19, 2014
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Posted:May 30, 2003 7:45:52 PM

Don't know how effective, but if you are looking for videos Sunburst is a good source that I use as a school counselor. They have some previews on the internet, I think it is Sunburst.com

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 19, 2014
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Posted:May 30, 2003 9:51:48 PM

I have a high functioning autistic 5 year old so when I read ADD, social skills issues and language issues I think of autistic spectrum disorders. I have 1 1/2 hours a week of pragmatic skills work with a speech and language therapist written into my child'S IEP for kindergarten in the fall. It will be interesting to see if it results in social skills progress. After 3 years of an intensive early intervention preschool, I'm looking at my child and I'm grateful that he has made the progress he has but I'm starting to believe communicating will always be challenging for him. I know how hard it is to watch your child fail in his attempts at socializing. I hear there are supposed to be social skills groups out there for older children. You may want to try calling speech therapists in your area and asking them if they know of any such groups. Social success with peers in school is a challenge for anyone. My husband is always saying that there is no meaner place than the playground. It's a failure on the part of adults in our society that we allow our children to be sent out with little in the way of structure and adult suprvision. I had a math teacher in high school who kept his room open at lunch for kids to come in and play math games. If only there were more teachers like him... I think the best chance for developing long term friendships comes from finding people who have similar interests. Perhaps you could find things other than baseball to do that would give him more interests. I highly recommend karate. My boys have been doing it for a couple of years now and I see how good it is for them and it gives me pleasure to see the older children treating each other with respect. No one is left on the outside of the group. Our dojo has regular competitions, picnics, parties and other activities that make it feel like a supportive community. Good luck to you.

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Anonymous
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Posted:Jun 06, 2003 12:52:50 AM

We do a lot of coaching, prepareing our son for social situations by talking about what to expect and samples of things to say or not say. We did move him to a private LD school where everyone on staff helps with social interactions. Since our son is not athletic, he started a movie club where he can have lunch with some other students and watch a film a few days a week. The school had a prom which our son had not considered attending. The school encouraged him to attend. While a few kids came in formal wear, others dressed for the fifty's theme. There was a barbeque and a pool, so basically there was something for everyone and it was a fun end of the year party. Finally, your support, understanding and encouragement are so important. Richard Lavoie videos are good for understanding lds. Try "Last picked, first picked on".

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Anonymous
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Posted:Jun 06, 2003 3:15:05 PM

If there is an LD school in your area, they might have summer courses open to non-students that are about social skills for high schoolers.

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Anonymous
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Posted:Jun 06, 2003 9:22:20 PM

Try to get him into programs with other ADD kids or LD kids. These kids neeed to form their own "club". The non-ADD kids have no idea of the issues the ADD kids face. It is like a Minor Consideration the former child actors club. A non-child actor has no idea of what issues these people face and cannot relate to them.

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Anonymous
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Posted:Jul 11, 2003 5:29:05 PM

Is there a CHADD near you? Check CHADD out on the net. Sometimes they have a chapter which has social skills classes for ADD/ADHD people.

That he has athletic talent is a wonderful thing. Not everybody does. Having ADD myself and having similar issues when I was a teenager, I came to a point where I decided to be quiet. I said virtually nothing in social settings for a good year. I smiled and was pleasant but let the conversation flow around me. They might have thought me dull and boring but they couldn't think me obnoxious or immature anymore.

I still measure my words carefully when I speak but I learned how to do that by learning to listen without speaking.

Good luck.

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 19, 2014
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if you try medication, be aware some side effects of ADDERALL are psychosis, hallucinations, depression, decreased libido, nervousness, anxiety, restlessness, insomnia, and lack of appetite.

i took it for 6 months and had everything i just listed except restlessness and psychosis. it is very habit forming (ADDICTIVE) both physically and psychologically. my dosage was 15mg once daily.

but it will help concentration and forgetfulness and all that. :roll:

the first 3 are fairly rare, but can and do happen. happened to me.

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Anonymous
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Posted:Sep 19, 2004 3:12:01 PM
Subject:If it helps

If it is of any help I have the same problem as your son. I am 22 and have had learning and emotional problems including ADD. I was made fun of horribly in school. I was also in trouble often with friends and cousins of the family. I am now 22 and I still am awkward socially. For example, my closest cousins' aunt died suddenly in a car crash and I was smiling when I was telling his father's family I was sorry. I often get stuck on topics people don't want to hear about like death or silly news stories. The best help I've gotten is people who calmly and sweetly point out to me what I should say in situations. Yet, when you tell him this always remind him of his sweet and good traits, so he doesn't just here the bad.
Good luck and God Bless
Michael Fannon
fanno399@aol.com

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