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Trying to help my son


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Joined: Nov 03, 2005
Posts: 69138
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Posted Nov 29, 2002 at 3:21:17 PM
Subject: Trying to help my son

Please any suggestions for trying to help my son realize he is ADHD. He was diagnosed in high school but is adamant "there is nothing wrong with me". This is affecting his life profoundly with lost jobs and relationships. It is affecting my life as well and I am going to begin couseling. I am hoping to bring him in with me but.....
Any and all suggestions will be very appreciated.

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 20, 2014
Posts: 69138

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Posted:Nov 29, 2002 4:22:08 PM

Read my post a little further down in the thread for "Relationship with spouse". You cannot make him do anything he is not ready to do. The best thing that you can do is receive counseling yourself and try not to be co-dependent. When he needs help, you will know how to help without creating dependency. But more than anything you will understand and accept that it is not your fault or problem and you cannot solve his problems.

I am sure that this is not then answer you wanted but I went through 6 years of hoping that the "next time" he would realize that he needed help. The "next time" came and went too many dozens of times to remember and I had to walk away for my own sanity.

Good Luck.

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 20, 2014
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Posted:Nov 30, 2002 10:50:41 PM

Why do you think your son is rejecting the diagnosis? It might help to think about what it might feel like for him.

I have ADHD and am close to a child who also has ADHD. He doesn't want to believe that there is something wrong with him. I try to explain that when he can understand what's wrong, he can do more to help himself. I try to help him when he has a problem with self control. It's a balancing act. I don't want to convey that his misbehavior is ok, but I also want him to know that I appreciate how hard it can be for him and that mistakes are part of learning. By supplying empathy in situations like this, I try to help him to accept that he really does have a disability and that that is why it is harder. Yet, certain behavior hasn't been tolerated and limits have been set. I also convey that he needs to work hard in order to have a good life and that as he gets older societal consequences get more severe (e.g., if he punches someone, he could be taken to court).

I know that I can't control his behavior. I can love him, set limits, provide support, and provide guidance. Then, I can set an example by taking care of myself.

We can't make other people do what we want them to do. We can offer love and concern and empathy, but our primary responsibility is to take care of ourselves.

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 20, 2014
Posts: 69138

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Posted:Dec 18, 2002 6:33:52 PM

by treating you kids with stimulants you are allowing them to take drugs that are classified in the most addictive/harmful section of the fda's publications. other drugs in this same classification of add/adhd drugs are.....COCAINE, AMPHETIMENES,MORPHINE....do i need to list more. if your kids are underweight and are taking these drugs....it is caused by those drugs...kids who take these drugs often look like they do hard street drugs.....any chemical, especially ones as strong as the add drugs negatively effect the liver and i can make a strong prediction that the rate of liver cancer will rise in america due to these parents who use drugs as a tool for parenting....that is all i have to say

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Anonymous
Joined Dec 20, 2014
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Posted:Dec 26, 2002 11:57:43 AM

I have an adult son whom is 22 now, I recently began taking Zoloft myself and highly suggested to him to try it he is in absolute denial, All his life he has struggled with learning, Relationships, and Employment, He has a hard time reading and has no desire to try to learn he thinks he's ok he often would ask my 12 year old how to spell words when he is chatting on the internet with girls. He puts off a personality of being a cool funny charming dude which everyone loves about him till they really get to know him.

He is a procrastinater, not self motivating depends on all who are around him to do for him including support him, He acts as though the world owes him, He definently is not a self acheiver.

I got tired of always carrying his loads and allowing him to live with me because I felt sorry for him, He takes advantage of me, When I finally told him he had to move out I was no longer responsible for him and reminded him he is a grown man. He stormed out called me volgur names infront of my 2 younger children.

The longest I could remember he held a job was 3 weeks he gets board very fast and no longer wants the job or he gets comfortable to fast on the job and gets fired.

Theres been times when I didn't do things he wanted me to do so he went out and trashed my name with exaggurated stories about me it's very frustraiting for me at this time I don't even like him and becouse of his illigal habits I've asked him not to be around my kids or myself any longer till he gets himself together.

Advice is accepted please or suggestions, Do you think I am a bad mother for the way I respond to my adult son?

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