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Frustrated
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Posted Mar 08, 2003 at 3:20:02 AM
Subject: Frustrated
It's 1AM on friday and i'm stuck trying to write a manuscript. Unfortunately, thanks to my procrastination i don't have a choice. I have to meet my advisor tomorrow and show him some work - of course I only now have really started to write it so i don't think i'll have any thing done by the time i meet him. This is not new. I get so frustrated when I procrastinate even when I know I shouldn't. I begin to absolutely hate myself when I suddenly realize that I have been diagnosed with ADD. It's been tough to accept the diagnosis as I'm 28 yrs old and I've been diagnosed with ADD only recently. I cannot yet completely accept it as I keep thinking it may just be my lack of discipline. People around me laughlingly disregard it when I tell them of my ADD. In this conflicting situation it feels like I'm taking the easy way out by leaning on my ADD. Maybe it is a slow process to completely come to terms with a disease which is not readily evident. |
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Anonymous
Joined Feb 09, 2012 Posts: 69140 Other Topics |
My back is hurting so I decided to take a break and come here for comfort. (call it what you want) LISTS....You need lists or that small recorder. Then you need to figure a way to use them and not loose them. AND you need to explain that you still are trying to find your way with the ADD. All ADD/ADHD people so not share the same symptoms. If I were you right now, I would be working at my best which is under pressure. Providing no one else had put me in that situation. That is when I loose it. You will be ok. I promise you. I am in frustration right now that I am screaming my head off to no matter who walks by me. Even my parrot is quiet today..cat also. I think the cat may have hidden. :) Also...do others around you understand? That is what I jist flipped out over. I felt that before you disrupt my life, favor or not, you need to understand what happens to me when you tip my life upside down. If I do it it is one thing, but for someone else to do it and then blatantly laugh because I am in a mess and has no clue as to why..I loose it. I finally gave two people in quesion my copies of my ADD/ADH books. Read them or leave me alone. That's where I am at right now. You either have the respect to read and understand my disability or just don't talk to me. Especially being that one of the people is in a wheelchair. I do know that hidden disabilities are hard to overcome and that's why you are frustrated, not because the work isn't done. Because you have that need to screem...You are frustrated at all of this and I need another way and I need you all to understand what is happening to me. I need you all to know that if you were in a wheelchair I would understand you are disabled and cannot walk." So where does that leave us???? You know when I have to use my cane (MS) I see a complete change in everyone. |
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Anonymous
Joined Feb 09, 2012 Posts: 69140 Other Topics |
I know exactly how you feel. Believe me, you are not alone.I was just diagnosed a few months ago, I'm almost 38 yrs.old. First of all do not hate yourself! You are a special person. People with add. or adhd are highly intellegent people. To put it bluntly, the brain doesn't work right. It's like having a temporary secretary. The info goes in but doesn't stay there. Anyway, you've got to deal with it, it's not going to go away. I've read alot of good books about it and talked to alot of people with it. I've accepted it and learned how to deal with it. I'm on meds. and I've straightened out my life. D on't worry about what other people think. you will find out who your real friends are and they will be there for you. Even though they might not totally understand they will stand by you. A great book to read is called "Driven to distraction" After I read that I felt better and understood myself. Good luck and don't worry, you'll be o.k. just give it time. |
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Anonymous
Joined Feb 09, 2012 Posts: 69140 Other Topics |
I am going to make this short--I had to take an English proficiency test yesterday, --IU was not accorded extende time as an accomadation, hence had to rush through--if I don't pass this to get an exemption from this English requirement, I will Have to take a course, that is after I am already 10-15 credits over what I need--I think my retired advisor got a kickback for the extra money I had to shell out--but I have to consider now challanging the outcome if I don't get a mark for the exemption--any thoughts??? |
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Anonymous
Joined Feb 09, 2012 Posts: 69140 Other Topics |
Thank you all for your supportive and reassuring replies! |
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Anonymous
Joined Feb 09, 2012 Posts: 69140 Other Topics |
> I am going to make this short--I had to take an English proficiency test I'll take the kick back theory with no problem. But kick back or anything falls into the cattegory or what goes around comes around. Each person with ADD/ADHD has got to take it upon themselves or as a group to see to it that this does not go on. Becuse if it does, two things can happen. I would start at the Deans office with a notification of your intentions...UNLESS of course he would like to settle things from behind his desk or go it the hard way. The hard way will be the easy way for you..hard for him. It totaly disgusts me that things like that are happening and please keep us posted from day to day as to how you are doing. As far as rhe rest of your post you are correct. If your smart, no one believes something is wrong with you. And I'll add one more thing to that frustration. I think I will scream the next time a person says to me., "Oh I do that all the time" or "No nothings wrong with you, you're so smart." I am still angry over my past week and the disruption that my neighbors added to the already existing disruption. Then they half hazzardly laughed as to say well you can put it back together again, what's the big deal. I just wanted to screem and still do. But your right. All the way. |
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Anonymous
Joined Feb 09, 2012 Posts: 69140 Other Topics |
Sue, I love your little discription. "it's like having a temporary secretary." That is neat. Such truth and so simple to explain. :) |
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Anonymous
Joined Feb 09, 2012 Posts: 69140 Other Topics |
If your smart, no one believes something is wrong with you. And I'll add one more thing to that frustration. I think I will scream the next time a person says to me., "Oh I do that all the time" or "No nothings wrong with you, you're so smart." Thank you for saying the above!!!!!! Please read below, it's long, but it's my first post and it's my discovery and I would love to hear back something from those of you who have been there...reading your posts have really pushed toward a cathartic moment! Today has been a BIG day for me. I've struggled for years with ALL the symptoms you've described my whole life. I did poorly in High school because my mind was always going everywhere, I believe I also made some not so good choices during my 20's - Never finished my BA. Now that I'm 37 and have met a wonderful man and married, my daughter has started college, I went back to school myself to pursue my graduate degree in physician's assistant. The past 3 semesters while getting my pre reqs. I've always had great grades, but I HAVE NEVER HAD SO MUCH TROUBLE IN MY LIFE GETTING THROUGH SCHOOL! I have a lot of reading to do, and it's all scientific, and I find myself procrastinating, trying to read and suddenly looking at my hands, nails, out the window, petting the dog, cat, making a phone call and all the while panicking because I can't study and feel I'm going to flunk - right NOW for example, I should be studying and not typing this, but I feel I'm truly in a moment of self discovery here which can actually help my whole life, so I'm going with it. Perhaps I'm having a "genius" moment, where everything is clear. : ) Two weeks ago I was in a deep depression (have been taking celexa for 2 years and doc. decited to give me welbutrin as well) and I felt I was going into a deep hole. Called my health insurance and asked about a psychiatrist referral. Have gone 3 times in the past 3 weeks, and he has just prescribed me Ritalin - I'm so excited, not so much because of feeling I have a "magic pill" but because I'm finally finding out that there are many people out there who feel exactly like I do, with the same difficulties. Maybe I"m not lazy, abnormal, or crazy! Sorry for the vent. I'd love to hear about books to read, tips for school, ritalin experiences and side effects, if you've taken them with SSRI's, etc. I appreciate all your help and "attention" : ) Claudia |
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