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Behavior: Social Skills, Self Esteem

Adult ADD Social Skill and Time Management


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Joined: Nov 03, 2005
Posts: 69138
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Posted Jul 25, 2003 at 4:25:50 PM
Subject: Adult ADD Social Skill and Time Management

My 26 year old son has ADD. He managed to scrape through High School without too much extra help for which he deserves credit. He has also completed 2 years of college. My concern is that he spends most of his time online chatting with Hip Hop friends in his room alone or or hanging out with people 4 or more years younger. He is shy with girls and has never had a true girlfriend although has loved from afar. What if anything can be done to help him not only cope but suceed in the real work world. Are drugs still used much to treat symptoms in adults. He is starting a career directed one year course in broadcasting and because he has such trouble organizing himself I am concerned about failure. He has never had a job except to work with family where the ADD symptoms really showed up. I try to be positive and encouraging but it is hard when nothing seems to change. Any one with similar or personal experience that might be encouraging and enlightening?

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Anonymous
Joined Nov 23, 2014
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Posted:Jul 28, 2003 8:30:54 AM

There are adults with ADD/ADHD who certainly take medication for their ADD/ADHD. In fact, it's increasingly common for people to take medication for ADD/ADHD as adults.

Have your son talk to your family physician and start from there if he's decided he wants to go that route.

Good luck.

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Anonymous
Joined Nov 23, 2014
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Posted:Aug 02, 2003 3:15:15 AM

im 17, a year behind in high school as a senior, same position as him with girls etc, but i have had and currently hold a job as a hodtender. $7.50 an hour at my age and not year round (mostly summer only), but i, PERSONALLY, find it very easy to do, having ADD. the average hodtender working for the company i do makes $10/hour, can make more if you get with a different outfit. mind that it is physical labor, being able to lift heavy objects is a must, and it isnt going to pay like broadcasting. but it is a job (if he REALLY needs one... construction hasnt slowed a bit from the recession.)

also my high school education has gone nowhere fast, with an average GPA dropping yearly (at .8 currently). it's blue collar work but it will pay the bills if he needs to, long as he has the ability and work ethic (ie show up to work).

im ADD inattentive... he might do better if he was ADHD (hyper), but i dunno. just saying my personal experience. im not even sure if this was relevant (extremely tired at the moment.)

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Anonymous
Joined Nov 23, 2014
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Posted:Sep 27, 2003 12:44:21 PM

Some adults today with ADHD do use and benefit from the ADHD meds (although the ADHD meds do not work for everyone).

Some ADHD adults do court, eventually marry, and settle down although others do not. Temple Grandin, an adult with Asperger's, teaches at the university level but has written that her Asperger's is such that it impacts her social relationships in such a manner that for her, she feels that marriage is too emotional/too outside of her Asperger's nature that she likely may never marry because of the Asperger's.

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Anonymous
Joined Nov 23, 2014
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Posted:Oct 23, 2003 9:18:35 AM

Hello,
My husband (just turned 30) was diagnosed as ADHD at the age of 27 and the meds have worked wonders for him. All his life he (and his family, that's why he wasn't identified earlier) has been very hyper, could only focus on his adrenaline seeking hobbies (think motorcycles, airplanes), and did mediocre in school because of his lack of motivation, inability to focus, and poor organization. The jobs ADHD adults tend to do well at for the most part are active (he did a lot of courier/driving jobs) and don't require too much organization/authority. Of course every person is different, but this is what I've seen from his family and others. He will graduate with his bachelor's degree in 1 more term. It wasn't until he started the meds that he was able to seriously plow through school (although he doesn't study much, he retains information from lectures much better) and makes good grades while working 30+ hours a week at a respected courier company. I must add, and he has told me this many times, that as his wife, I have over the years basically taught him to be more organized, giving him more responsibility for his school (example, I used to type his papers due to poor spelling, and simple inability to type, then when he got into 4 year University told him no more.) as he could handle it. In this way, I essentially became his ADHD Coach. I know there are professional ADD Coach's who keep adult clients on task by requiring them to set goals, and they basically check up on them and ask them what they have accomplished. There are also ADD support groups that your son may want to try. My husband was very immature for his age too, although he went the other route and had too many girlfriends. He says he didn't really grow up until he got married:) Good luck to you and your son. Sincerely,
April

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Anonymous
Joined Nov 23, 2014
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Posted:Mar 17, 2004 5:26:09 AM

The best thing in college, outside of positive therapy, medication, and coaching, is involvement in an activity. Cross country, crew, and a vast number of intramural sports are great opportunites because they have routines, forge friendships, and keep you active and healthy. A large number are coed as well, which definitely helps in the female arena. Clubs on campus are another important thing. There are a good number of girls looking to meet boys who haven't dated a hundred girls already...and they are also willing to show them the ropes of a relationship a bit too.

Best of luck.

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Anonymous
Joined Nov 23, 2014
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Posted:Jul 02, 2004 9:15:20 AM

i am 45 years old and was diagnosed for adhd only two years ago. for the first 43 years of my life i was labeled lazy, uncaring, clinically depressed, etc., etc., etc. i have been on medication combined with coaching since then. it has changed my life. i am happier and more successful than i have ever been, both personally and professionally. actually, it has not only helped me, but both my sister (40) and my mom (67) were diagnosed and have benefitted greatly as well. medication might not be for everybody, but is sure worth looking into.

:lol:

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Beverly
Joined Jul 29, 2004
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Posted:Aug 01, 2004 10:36:25 AM
Subject:Beverly

I wish I could have gotten my ex-husband to accept medication as an alternative. I got tired of being the ADHD coach for him and my son. Standing ovation for anyone on this forum who has been diagosed as an adult and gotten help!!! After the divorce from his third wife is final, I hope my ex will finally get help. This is a family problem and a life problem. Good Luck.

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Anonymous
Joined Nov 23, 2014
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Posted:Aug 19, 2004 7:07:36 PM
Subject:in response

I am 31 and struggled with language LD in college myself. Your son needs to learn the "tools" to give him confidence. In addition, he needs to choose a major that brings out his strengths not his weaknesses. You and him need to be his self advocate. My communication challenges were never addressed in college and I have since been told I couldn't of chosen a worse major in college for my LD. I was under Disabled Resources and had been tested/documented but yet I got no direction.

Broadcast Journalism is what I chose too. I was told 99.9% LD students won't succeed in this area because it relies on first great writing skills and two great communication skills.

Your son clearly has stronger writing skills feeling confident writing to people online. Find him help now, to learn the "language skills" he will need it for the rest of his life for every part of his life. In addition, I would strongly suggest you speak to someone with experience in LD about his major and what tools he needs to learn BEFORE graduating to be successful in the professional world with LD.

Just my two cents.

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