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Behavior: Social Skills, Self Esteem

Social reject--socially rejecting


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Joined: Nov 03, 2005
Posts: 69138
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Posted Aug 08, 2003 at 10:29:49 PM
Subject: Social reject--socially rejecting

Hi All. I grew up being bullied with few to no friends. An ongoing problem I have is being rejected, but also being rejecting. If someone (romantically, socially, etc.) appears to like me, I automatically find something wrong with them. Anyone who likes me, I find annoying and unworthy. Anyone who wants to date me, I find physically repulsive. Right now, I am going through this with my therapist. Because she likes me, I am feeling dislike and scorn toward her. Everything she says seems stupid and meaningless.

At the same time, I yearn for acceptance from the people who ignore me or treat me like scum. I think about them all the time, and want so much to be part of the "popular" crowd.

Do other people do this too? Is it a result of growing up without friends? Does it ever get better?

Debcat

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 21, 2014
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Posted:Aug 10, 2003 9:33:58 AM

Woody Allen once said he didn't want to be a member of any club that would have him for a member.

Sounds like you have the same thing going on. It also sounds to me as if the person you dislike most is you. I'm no therapist but my guess would be you'd first have to resolve your feelings about yourself before you can tackly why you fawn on those who reject you. To me it sounds like what you really want is rejection and your life displays a consistent pattern of seeking to be rejected.

Tell your therapist that her/his positive attitude toward you is causing you to dislike and distrust the therapist if you want to try to begin breaking the cycle and finding your way to a new pattern.

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montrealparent
Joined Oct 21, 2003
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Posted:Oct 21, 2003 12:47:36 PM

Dear Debcat,

You sound a lot like my daughter who is now 20. She started rejecting all overtures of friendship from about age 12, when her LD were diagnosed. Unlike you, she will not see a therapist. That to me seems like the first step.
Most therapists pick that field because they genuinely like other people, and want to improve their life, so it is normal that she would like you - so try to see it as some sort of genetic predisposition toewards friendliness! But it is possible that it is the wrong person for you, and if you really think so, find someone else to work with. It will be worth it.

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triley69
Joined Oct 21, 2003
Posts: 2

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Posted:Oct 21, 2003 2:31:12 PM

Quote "Debcat":

Hi All. I lkfge gurey6turd ut0rye8604567546u8yuo tghf iuy trgrew up being bullied with few to no friends. An ongoing problem I have gyiyty i uy9e8yruytris being rejected, but also being rejecting. If someone (romantically, sohkfg uhig iuhjigcially, etc.) appears to like me, I automatically find something wrong withhkfgkhifg them. Anyone who likes me, I find annoying and unworthy. Anyone whkfghpkiupo'iho wants to date me, I find physically repulsive. Right now, I am going thhkfjuit9iuokyjtujryuoi ryihrough this with my therapist. Because she likes me, I am feeling dislikykftdiyo5-60yu -l[e and scorn toward her. Everything she says seems stupid and meaninp]you5=-789=08==gless.
:cry:
At the same time, I yearn for acceptance from the people who ignlpiy9reytopigore me or treat me like scum. I think about them all the time, and want so much to be part of the "popular" crowd.

Quote "Debcat":

Do other people do this too? Is it a result of growing up without friends? Does it ever get better?

Quote "Debcat":

uirue 65uret345t yrw 6yyygyguryewytreyytgrer Debcat
:(

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triley69
Joined Oct 21, 2003
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Posted:Oct 21, 2003 2:32:12 PM

ho the hell is debcat

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wondering
Joined Nov 21, 2003
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Posted:Nov 21, 2003 3:59:57 PM

Well that's a difficult situation. But I think that the most important thing is to stop letting yourself be hurt and manipulated by those that reject you. I disagree with the person who posted the message that stated you desire to be rejected. I think the last thing you really desire is to be rejected but that person is probaly right when saying that the problem lies within yourself and the choices you make and the friends you have, as you admit. I too was harassed, teased, bullied and made fun of and when it was it's worst I had no friends. I feel now that, at times, I may never get over it or be able to escape it. But there is always hope, I also agree with the person who stated that you may want to see another therapist, a good one can be helpful. Although you may be very unhappy with yourself and letting someone love or like you may make you uncomfortable, you should know you never deserved to be bullied or hurt the way you have been and that things can get better. Social Problems can and seem to be a natural effect of learning disablities and it is such a shame because the people being made fun of, people like you and me, don't even truly understand what is happening or why exactly people are making fun of them. But know that you are not alone and that all things pass. I hope things get better :)

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 21, 2014
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Posted:Dec 31, 2003 4:47:33 PM

hi i fell just like alot of you i to was bulled when i was yung and i still problems in some situations
i go to a theriphst i like her but ther is something i feel she duse not understan becuse she douse not have ld i would like to had one that did have ld
butterfly :lol:

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 21, 2014
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Posted:Jan 02, 2004 5:51:31 PM

My 14 year old son has LD and ADD. He has few real friends and seems to always become the focus of the "popular" kids ridicule. He wants to have friends and be part of a crowd. At home he is fun and a regular kid. He has a very high IQ and sometimes I think that is his problem. He sees that bullying is wrong and the things the kids say are very off base. He hates to see anyone being abused. He is beginning to hate school. Anyone to help?

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Anonymous
Joined Oct 21, 2014
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Posted:Mar 17, 2004 5:20:19 AM

Friendships and love are perhpas the greatest weight man shall have to bear in his life. They make us and break us from start to finish. I'm almost 21, and am still, somewhat, socially rejected. Being recently diagnosed with add, and the whole of the academic problems that I have encountered, well, yes, it is difficult, and difficult to survive through colleges and make it on to law school in the next couple years. Enough on me, you and your son are in the fortunate position to see this situation early on.

Talk with the therapist about methods to remedy the social symptoms of ADD. Youth ADD groups may be available? I know there are adult ADD groups, teen ADD groups, specifically for those of us with ADD that fall into the socialy rejected category. The key is to find and associate in this way, because there are kids who are socially rejected who are bad kids...and you want to avoid those relationships. Popular social scenes tend to reject the very best and the very worst, to strive for a complacent mediocraty that satisfies the most within the popular crowd. The rejected ADD child suffers this because of a difficulty in acquing knowledge of how to behave in social situations amongst their peers...more often than not, our young intelligent minds takeover, and we've hyper-analyzed the social mileau and react to our analysis, which may at times be correct, but not in accord with what the majority of children see.

What seems to have happened is that our wonderful minds have gotten the better of us, and become our own worst enemy. This is a great feature for thinking and reflection. Take, for instance, a brief look at some of the great philosophers, and also scientists- many if not most of whom had a cognitive disorder that seperated them from the norm, but was also precisely what made them the great inovators they were. A group or other thereputic method may help to strike the chord that cand bridge the ADD child with the greater social arena.

Best of luck.

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