Silent Cries

It started with my first day in primary school. I was so excited; I thought that I would have made lots of new friends. It’s never been easy for me making new friends. For the whole of primary school I had only ever made one friend, but now at this time even she has become a distant memory.

The bullying and the teases that were chanting over and over in my head were almost unbearable. Bullying by my peers that were meant to be my friends, teachers who seemed to only notice ‘me’ in the room, even my so called best friend on occasions. Believe it or not, these were mostly lashed out by the teachers, advisor, babysitter, or disciplinarian. Whatever you prefer to call them. I prefer the terms nasty, awful, beastly, ornery monsters! From then on, I excluded myself from everyone and everything. I never took part in class discussions, never participated in sports day, never had many house points, and always doing work in silence not talking to anybody else. I didn’t want to make any remarks or any mistakes that would embarrass or sentence me to get more than what I was already given. It’s hard to explain what I was feeling. Upset, agitated, broken up, chaotic, guilt, maybe feeling that what I was given was what I deserved, and that I did something to provoke it. So I did nothing. In hope that I would get nothing and that everyone would leave me alone. I would spite every morning. Waking up, the sunshine exuding through the blinds. Most mornings I would creep into my parent’s bedroom, sit on my Mums side of the bed and wait. Wait for her to wake up and tell me that i didn’t have to go to school today, to go back to that… place. I don’t know if my Mum ever knew how much I was suffering. If she didn’t… I hope she never does.