Hello. I am new to this and don’t know if anybody can help here, but I hope so. I am a special education teacher, so I guess I should know the answer to my own problem — here it is.
I have been married for five years to a wonderful man who I truly believe has ADD/ADHD. He is the most disorganized person I’ve ever met and has clutter (I could think of a more appropriate word :D ) all over the place — especially the yard. There is stuff on top of stuff and it is like he can’t help it. He goes out to clean, gets distracted by something and never gets anything finished. He starts projects but never finishes any of them. I am constantly telling him that our yard looks like a junk yard. He says, “I know. I’m working on it.” I believe he truly believes he is and really wants to.
He forgets things I tell him (which could just be a ‘guy thing’). I mentioned to him that he seems like a person with ADD and maybe he should go see a doctor. He made the appointment but forgot to go.
It drives me crazy! He tries to help around the house (cleaning, etc.) but ends up making more work for me. For example, when he does the dishes he never finishes. He may finish the washing, but he doesn’t empty the sink. Or he will fill the sink with water and forget about it so hours later there is cold, nasty water filled with dirty dishes.
Another thing — priorities. Maybe it is just me, but it seems he gets them screwed up. For example, on my son’s 9th birthday I came home form work. It was about 5:00 and I still needed to get wrapping paper and things for the birthday dinner. My car broke on the way home so I didn’t stop at the store. I got home and told my husband that I needed the other car to run to the store. At the time we had a broken water pipe in our wall. It had been temporarily fixed and holding its own for the past three days. He said he had found out what he needed to fix it and was going to ‘run’ to his buddies house to get a part. I told him to please hurry because we still had to do the birthday thing. Two hours later he came back without the part and didn’t see why I was upset ( by now it was only one hour before bedtime for the kids). He just doesn’t seem to think. Again, this could just be part of his personality. I don’t know.
He tells me that sometimes he feels like he can’t organize his thoughts — like a TV is going in his head and all the channels are on at the same time.
In his younger years, my husband was addicted to speed. I know the research says that a child/person who has ADD and is not medicated is more likely to self-medicate and become dependent on drugs than one who is medicated. I often wonder if that is why he was an addict.
I assume those of you who post here have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD and know the signs & symptoms. What do you think? There is so much more that I can’t think of right not. I don’t have ADD/ADHD, so I don’t have any idea how it feels. This problem is getting so severe that it could possible ruin our marriage.
Now that I’ve completely rambled on, I will sign off. If anybody has any advice or insight please respond.
Thank you.
adhd husband
:( [color=blue][/color]I have a husband who is adhd but was only diagnosed at the age of 27. He spent most of his life being told he was lazy, stupid etc and yet within a couple of months of being with him i knew something wasn’t right, he was so intelligent but so inconsiderate, forgetful, selfish even, no organisational skills and i pleaded with him to get help. It took nearly 2 years for him to take the big step and sure enough he has adhd and is on ritalin for it but i cannot get him to seek other forms of help to help both of us deal with this problem. I cut him some slack most of the time but it is hard to look at a grown man yet often see the actions and behaviour of a child. It has ruined our marriage he has just left me for the third time, beacuase we see things differently, we need to find solutions to dealing with things because we can’t do it the normal way as such. If you suspect anyone you care about has it get something done, i wish i knew how to convince my husband to seek other help, he doesn’t even want to recognize he has a problem he sees it as though he will be locked up in a straight jacket because he has a chemical imbalance.
If anyone knows ways of helping him learn behaviour management without me being the ogre, he sees me treating him like his mum but often if i don’t remind him he forgets so its catch 22 for me, even though it has ruined my marriage and my life, left with 2 kids, one possible adhd as well i would still like to help him deal with his condition to improve his quality of life, hes impulsive, but very social, anyone out there if you can help i would be greatful
Susan,
The symptoms you have described seem very suspiciously like ADHD. However, I am not a psychiatrist, just a fellow sufferer of ADD. I would recomend having you and your husband visit a therapist and discuss the symptoms further. There is a test they can give him but I am sure your input will be just as helpful in deciding if he does have the disorder. I would also suggest requesting his school transcripts and any other records of prior testing for LD. Ultimatly they will require these records to make a formal diagnosis and will also give the therapist/psychiatrist more insight into if he does have ADD or maybe some other problem.
I hope this helps!
Jennifer
P.S. Your description of your husbands symptoms are almost EXACTLY like mine except my clutter is on my computer desk except for the yard. It drives my boyfriend insane as well lol Good luck hun!