Relationships

Dear Belynda,

In truth, I have hypothesized exactly the opposite. That is, that because we LD adults have been so misunderstood for most of our lives, that once we find a soul-mate as it were, someone who loves us in spite of our symptomology, that we are actually more prone to stick with the relationship! On the other hand, because of our confused sense of self, I also believe that it takes us longer than our non-disabled peers to find such happiness.

Insofar as the question of sex drive, I believe that it has already been proven that men and women have the same sex-drive, however, because of cultural influences, we have made it more difficult for women to freely express their’s, eg. The old cliche, if he sleeps around, he is a “stud,” but if she sleeps around, then she is a “tramp.” As to differences in sex-drive between LD and non-LD adults, I would suspect that whereas LD adults have no difference in our sex-drive, that because of who we are, we tend to be more sensitive, and less conventional lovers, but at the same time, have a greater degree of difficulty letting go of our inhibitions, and be more easily distracted.

Of course, as I have no proof of any of the above, these are only theories. Still, I would be interested in hearing both your reactions, and learning about what you have found.

Rob

Hi Rob,
I don’t where you are so I don’t know what time it is, here it is 10.26am on Thursday the 16th.
Thanks for your reply. Well I suppose seen as you have no proof for your statements I can honestly say I have no proof for mine either. So that one i’ll have to give a miss, but what you have said all makes sense as well it’s a hard topic I feel. Ok now where abouts do you live and what sort of support do you have.

We are the only group in NZ who run a support group for adults. We have about 25 to 30 adults attend each month some come back and some don’t but I guess that happens will all sorts of meetings.

Any way what you have said is intereting and I am keen to hear about any other information you have.

Cheers
Belynda
ADHD New Zaland

LD or not guys are just horny. It’s a good thing women aren’t as highly sexxed as men cause all we’d do is….Wait, no, it would be a good thing!!

All joking aside brain injury wich can cause LD can also cause people to become disinhibited or inhibited.If you’ve observed differences in sex drives it could be something to do with the frontal lobe. The basic sex drive being located in the hypothalamus the behavior that it brings on is controlled by the frontal lobes. Men are more visually oriented as women tend to be stimulated by aural input (sweet nothings) Another posibility may be is that LD makes male feel bad about their performance but sex is something they can do as well as other male plus it’s rewarding and rewards for LDs are few and far between. Women being less performance oriented, are less comptetive but do to LD they have low self-esteem and perhaps lack confidence in themselves as lovers.

Being LD myself I knew sex was something I could be good at and it’s a lot more fun than math. I knew I’d never be attractive to a women by being a great provider so developing sexual prowess was important to me. That’s kind of a shallow way of looking at things but when your young and a competitive male you do what you can. I’d tell myself, “maybe I can’t land a 90K a year job but I can land your wife if I want her” The primal animal part works good so go with your strength but as I age that seems so silly.

It’s an interesting premise. Male and female brains are wired differently. Female brains have more redundantcy in Broca’s and Wernikie”s area. Women recover there vebal abilties better than men after they have strokes. Maybe the experience of LD is a factor in increased and decreased libido in human males and females.

I have A.D.D. and L.D. and no wife! I gave up looking because I feel that their all the same anyways. I’ve tried datting services and still the same thing over and over again. I have a few male friends who don’t have this and we are all in agreement. With A.D.D. it does make it harder for us to aproch people because they look at us funny. I’m very agresive and still get the same “your a nice guy, but” it gets old fast. I see alot of really nice famales with some real jerks and they say no to me! Most people with this would do anything to have someone in their life. Having this makes me look at people difrent then “normal” people. I keep trying to convince myself that their “is” some nice lady for me but I don’t believe it. My bigest fear in life is dying along, not married.
I gess she wont get the house then! (joke)
Mike

Maybe you are going for the wrong type of women. Could it be your wallet isn’t fat enough? I lack confidence myself but I’m cocky. When I was single I did OK. Playing in a band helped but most of the ones at the end of the nite fell far below the minimum standard plus groupies are shallow. I’d string em along as did the other band mates. We called it groupie cultivation. We got a lot of practice and except for the drummer who was usually a pig we never landed many.Turning them down, being aloof knowing they were in abundance turned the tables and put us in a position of power and gave us confidence that I have to this day. Women are the ones who are desperate with their biological clocks ticking away along with their looks. I was fortunate to find the one I’m with now. We appreciate each other. There are some real wackos out there. Maybe you only attract really nice ones. They’re rare so be patient. Relax and be honest that way you’ll find the right one for you. Don’t fear rejection. Look at it like fishing. You don’t wanna catch a barracuda.

My best buddy the guitar player had loons constantly circling him. They would always pass me by for some reason. I was glad. Hang in there. Be selective. She’s out there.

ball, if my wallet isn’t full enough for a women then she is the wrong women! Besides, why can’t I merry a rich women?

Hey that’s a thought. Yeah dude be a male bimbo. Go to the gym. Get real buffed. Find yourself a sugar mama. I have a male chauvinist theory. It goes like this: Really good looking women act stuck up. Not so attractive women act nice. Not so attractive women hate good looking women. Not so attractive women act nice because they have to,so their actions may not be genuine. If a great looking women is nice to you her actions are genuine. Go for one that cares about her looks. One that goes to a gym. Go for one you think is unapproachable and if she’s not a snob she may apreciate you. If you are confident and sincere you’ll get a date. Lay your cards on the table if she appreciates your honesty you may be on your way to great relationship. Keep in mind a lot of women are quite shallow so if you get shot down consider that a good thing. If you treat them well (a nice one) that will work wonders. Remember dude always deal from a position of power. There are a lot of guys who are players. The only difference between them and you is they’ve learned a few moves. Just cause your not the top scorer in the league shouldn’t bother you. Women that can be landed with BS are usually trouble. It’s all a matter of self esteem. Mainly be honest. After all isn’t that what you want the most?

Two support groups that will allow you to communicate with other LD Adults. One is through the NYC Chapter of the LDa Assocation. The group takes a break over the summer but meets once a mont starting in September and it is free to attend.

Second if you have AOL go to keyword and type in either Health or Health Channel Talk and go to chats and then look for those on LD/ADD and this on line supprt group meets twice a week on line. Thursday’s 9-11 o’clock Eastern Standard Time and Satuday’s 8-10 0’clock Eastern Standard Time.

Does anyonR know of supprot groups or social gatherings in Boca raton Florida for adults with LD?
Thanks

Ball, men, LD or not, do not own a corner on the high sex-drive market. As a 35 year old woman ( I look 28) in her prime ( and no I am not talking about numbers that are only divisible by themslves or 1), I can say I have a very high libido but I am picky…..I won’t give it up to just any jerk who thinks he can bs his way into my pants just to score. I got a chuckle out of what u said in a previous message about not being able to land a 90K a year job but being able to land somebody’s wife. I could not land a 90K a year job either…..so I am building a business where I will eventually earn 90K a year and I can cause a traffic accident without being behind the wheel of a car LOL. You and I have alot in common, especially contempt for a system which has failed those of us with disabilities.

Seems we’ve both been down some similar roads. As far as family is concerned mine was and is dysfunctional with a capital D. My “LD” is most likely a result of head trauma that I suffered at an early age via momma’s rolling pin, stupid daredevil kid stuff and Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. So generally I’m pissed off alot. I got my temper under control early on but occaisionally I break stuff. I think perhaps my irreverant posts are also in part due to my somewhat disinhibited nature that is so often the case with TBI victims.

Relationships have generally been OK but I was particularly crushed one time when my ex-live in girlfriend after I proposed to her informed me that I was not “marrige material” I was OK for everything else though. I was out of there the next day quite teary eyed. I still laugh to this day because as I got in the car the song I’m Just a Gigilo was playing. Seemed that all our romantic times meant nothing to her due to the size of my wallet. I really felt used and like less of a man. She was aware of my problems going into the relationship. We got along great. She just knew that I would never make the big bucks. What’s interesting is she’s a school teacher and if you read the children with LD posts you will see that some teachers are not too highly regarded.

It is an intriguing question regarding impaired brain function libido. I’ve known TBI victims that are disinhibited due to frontal lobe damage and damage to the hypothalamus. I’ve heard of others who have gender-dysphoria due to TBI and other who have a complete lack of sex drive.

Fortunately or unfortunately depending how I look at it, my TBI has left my sex drive pretty much intact and stuck in high gear. Ah testosterone a blessing and a curse. In my case because my girlfriend is in her forties, her’s has dwindled due to lower hormone levels and an unwillingness to seek medical intervention.
With that said, get it while you can.