Can someone please point me in the direction of what disabillity they think my daughter may have? She is 10-1/2, in the 5th grade, and has a B grade average. Problem is, she is painfully shy–—has no friends in school and is selectively mute (won’t participate in class discussions and won’t answer when called upon). The worst part is that she’s my oldest child and acts more like the baby in so many ways. She has a completely different personality at home and around people she established friendships with awhile ago. But this problem with school has been going on since she entered kindergarten. The twist is that she did participate in the Winter Concert for 4th grade (she didn’t have a solo, but she had to sing and dance onstage, in an auditorium full of people) and she did participate in a musical that her summer music camp had, which also included an audience full of parents who were much closer to her. So she doesn’t even fit the “painfully shy” profile.
And no, she hasn’t been tested yet. But I did sign the papers for the school to go ahead and test her. I’m worried because she’s always been a poor tester. But maybe it’ll determine if she’s slightly autistic, has an emotional or severe social disorder, or something.
I’m a divorced and not remarried mom (so no help at home) who’s at my wit’s end trying to figure this out, and getting more stressed and aggravated by the endless calls and notes from teacher.
Any leads anyone can provide would be helpful.
Re: Can someone tell me....?
I was just thinking that whatever is going on doesn’t sound like it is educationally based. You might also talk to your daughter’s pediatrician and ask for a referral.
Beth
Yes...and
Meanwhile, begin to get some good references for a counselor for your daughter (and maybe for yourself to ease stress). The school might help with referalls or local mental health system (if money is an issue and there is any services at all through public system).
Depending on your insurance coverage you might want a psychologist or psychiatrist or other counselor to work with your daughter. She might benefit from individual therapy as well as group (social skills group for girls).
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The others have all given you good information about where to turn next. I just wanted to address your comment about her not being “painfully shy” as evidenced by her willingness to perform.
That doesn’t always have anything to do with shyness. Some of the very shyest people can still get up on a stage and perform. I’ve seen it time and time again and even have some experience with it myself. As a student, I refused to sing alone in class when called upon even though it meant staying after school for a detention until I sang the scale. I still refused and the teacher had no choice but to send me home where I immediately practiced singing the scale for the rest of the afternoon.
Meanwhile I was performing regularly with my guitar group, both singing and playing the instrument. The difference? I was prepared for my performances.
I know a successful Shakespearean actor with a very, very bad stutter in normal conversations. Never a stutter on stage.
Your daughter still could be painfully shy.
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Wow your daughter sounds exzackly like me. I am, was and still am painfully shy. At one point refused to talk in school at all.I always had problems in school though i was far behind so in 6th grade i got classified which was to long to wait if you ask me. I love the stage though and aren’t shy at all when on it or with close friends or my family. Well for me and for her i think the best things to do would be to keep the connections very strong with your close friends see if you can get them in your classes if possible and try out for plays or join an acting group. of course additions can’t be really scary but everyone else is scared too and your’ll meet people who have the same interesteds. For me the reason i don’t talk much is when i do talk the things i say are usally blunt and i don’t think about what i’m saying before i say it so enless i know you reaaly well i’m afraid your’ll think i’m weird because when i do start talking its things like wow look at the sky and other sort of random thoughts. Anyway i’m the oldest in my family and i think of myself as mature ( i’m 17 now) but deffinlty when i was younger i wasn’t my mom thinks i’m still immature and the worst part is my sister whos 14 is great at making friends gets A’s and is forever trying to be my mother. Sorry this is so long but i mean your daughter sounded so like me it was scary. So if you have anymore questions i’ll be glad to right back.
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Does your daughter struggle a lot in one particular area of school? I struggled a lot (and still do) with math and spatial things. I was totally mute in school because I believed anything I said would be wrong.
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I agree that there doesn’t appear to be any “educational need” for assessment at school. If you child has a “B” average, she is coping with her difficulties and it is not interfering with her learning. I suggest continuing with music, choir, voice lessons, or whatever her specific interest is in music. I think that is an amazing break-through!!
Your doctor should also be contacted. She may require some counseling. I am a certified speech-language pathologist and would not test a child who is elective mute. This appears to be a psychological issue. From your comments this is an issue that needs to be addressed by your private doctor, however, if the school requested testing you may request a psychological if they did not. The school MUST comply with this parent request and complete the psychological as her elective mutism is interfering with her education. The school then must complete the evaluation within 60 days. The school evaluation is FREE. I must caution you that I DO NOT think this is an educational issue if she is continuing to make passing grades and maintains that over a period of time. Remember that any identified disability then falls under special education.
Contact your doctor and discuss options with him. Hang in there!
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I’ve been wondering about the relationship between shy/elective mute because we had a student who was obviously elective mute but her parents insisted she was just shy.
I have Asperger Syndrome and a daughter w/ AS and am certified in Texas in autism. I hope you will send me an email ([email protected]) and tell me more about your daughter. I don’t have enough info but based on my experiences w/ elective mute, it’s not a one problem phenomenon. One of our’s was obviously AS and the other was obviously OCD. I don’t have enough information to know if she’s AS too.
Both had incredible ability to communicate through their eyes so i wonder if your daughter does, too.
If this has been going on since kindergarten, why is this year’s teacher making endless call and endlessly writing notes? That would be my first question. This isn’t new - it’s been going on for a while - that should be documented in her file by other teachers’ comments. What does her teacher want from you?
If testing was all the teacher wanted, she’s going to get that. I’d make an appointment with the school psychologist first - or whoever is going to do the testing to have a pleasant conversation about the process of testing.
Of course a child who’s reluctant to talk is a ‘poor tester’ but not to worry about that in this case. Your daughter’s issue as described is as interesting as it is severe and if she is reluctant to talk with the person giving the test, it tells you something more. To get to the bottom of this and to try to find a solution to it, it may be that your dear daughter needs to test poorly. If she did well, the psychologist might find no problem and then you’ve got the teacher calling you and writing you again…
Good luck.