hi :) here’s the problem: My husband has two children with his ex-girlfriend and I think that the boy who is 4 has some kind of learning disability or worse. He weighs 25 lbs, is extremely petite for his age, has a missing toe nail (it never grew in I guess), can’t speak yet, just babbles something nobody can understand, doesn’t eat right and if someone corrects his speech or tells him that he can’t do something he throws fits and says that he wants to go home to Mommy (something like “go home” and “Mommy” is all I can understand). Besides that, he JUST NOW got potty trained because my husband and me pushed the issue, he was still in diapers until October of this year (he turned 4 on December 1st). His Mom (who has a retarded Mother and even more retarded brother) blamed her pediatrician who supposedly told her that she shouldn’t force the potty training because of irregular bowel movements. The funny thing was that he was completely potty trained within 2 WEEKS. This woman is 27, can’t keep her house clean, the children live in unbelieveable surroundings, cat poop in the beds, so much dirty laundry on the floor that you can’t see the carpet, dishes piling up skyhigh in the sink even though she has a dishwasher. My suspicion is that she tried to keep her son a baby and prevented him from talking correctly and developing accordingly to his age. The other reason might be that he has some kind of mental retardation, sometimes he just looks at you when you talk to him and smiles at you like he has no clue what you’re talking about. She just moved here from out of state so my husband never had any direct influence to how she raised those kids. She is neglecting those kids too, the kids are constantly “parked” in front of the tv so she can play on the computer, the kids were here over Christmas, temperatures around 35F and my husband’s daughter wore a sleeveless summer dress, socks and open sandals and a jacket over it, WAY too cold for this time of the year. I’m really sickened by the way this woman raises those children, especially if her son has some learning disability, she’s even denying that her brother is retarded, even though he participated in the Special Olympics until he was 18 years old and he went to special schools for children with learning disabilities. My husband has basically no rights to those kids, otherwise we would have involved Protective Services already, paternity for both kids is not proven and in the case of the boy my husband is most likely not the father of that child since she got pregnant when they were already split up. We’re just in a big mess…is mental retardation (from her mother and brother) inheritable and how likely is it that the kids got some bad genes?
Re: general questions about LD etc
Tina,
I just read your message, just because this child has problems you just don’t blame the mother, instead why don’t you and your husband try and help this mother, she may have enough on her plate with her mom and brother. Some kids do have potty training problems, I still know a little boy, aged 7, who is still is in diapers because of his LD, and some bowel problems from a defect in his tract.I suggest that you have your husband contact the domestic relations division and have a paternity test given at the courthouse. It also sounds like you have alot of anger towards this woman. WHY don’t you get some sound advice about how to raise some kids before you go and judge someone else in their parenting roles!
Yes, it’s likely that the kid got some “bad genes”— however, the environment in which he is raised has a lot to do with his development as well. He sounds like a prime candidate for early intervention from the public school district via “Child Find”. This program (may have a different name depending on the state) screens and identifies children in need of early intervention and provides services as needed at no cost. Perhaps she would accept information about her child’s development from a “professional” better than from you and your husband (especially is she really did listen to what the pediatrician told her). It sure sounds like he needs help to be ready for kindergarten next year. Even though your husband has no rights to the children, the neglect sounds serious enough to call Child Protective Services— anyone can call in a complaint. In our county, even if a complaint is not substantiated, they may offer services to the family on a voluntary basis. How old is the daughter? If she is in school, perhaps you can contact her teacher or counselor with your concerns about the family.