social skills of a 9 year old with dyslexia and dyscalculia

Worried parent,

I have a 10 yr old (5th grade) who is the same way. She never has had many friends, the one she does have goes to a different school. Alyssa is also very aware of her surrondings. She also deals with social anxiety which doesn’t help. She is a very out going, sociable child - until you put her with her peers. She then becomes a wallflower wanting other to approach her. We have sought counseling and have tried to encourage her as best we can. The one thing I have come to relaize is she is like an only child (she is older of 2) she relates and has no fear when it comes to adults.

With all that said, I have learned many things this year.
1. Pray daily (if you believe in prayers) I do.
2. Make sure she knows she is loved unconditionally (I’m sure you already do this)
3. Watch the encouragement you give, Some can actually add pressure. example - we would set a goal to call a classmate. she could not follow though on the call so she felt she disappointed us.
4. Make sure you have good support from her teachers. Alyssa’s teachers would move seats around (part on their natural classroom) but they would also ask me if there was someone she has been “clicking” with and try to put them together to encourage the growth of a relationship (didn’t help much but a encouraging thing to do without them knowing)
5. Make sure she is envolved in after school activities - choir, soccor, art class, something she enjoys where other her age are also.

I hope some of these ideas help or give you encouragement. It is not easy to sit back and watch happen. I struggle with this every night. I always try to say a special prayer for her in the morning and at night. She so badly wants to feel accepted - but how do you help her do it. It is something out of our control, for the most part, and we have to be there to give them the love and support the need.

It helps also to know you are not the only one struggling with this.

Another concened parent,
Margaret

Margaret,

Many thanks for your comments. At the moment my daughter did start Brownies and goes to a pack where there is only 1 other child who goes to her school and she mixes well I believe. She went on pack on holiday and was called “bossy” whether or not this is true! If you ask her if she liked it one day she says yes and the other no….. I think moving children around the class room for seat changes is a good idea because two of the girls she has had trouble are always together and have never been moved… She is going tonight to computer club after school so we will have to see what happens there. She does excell at swimming and is confident… I do believe in praying as well and it has helped…. Amy also believes in saying a prayer as well…

Many thanks
Janis Harris

You may want to consider finding a social skills group for your daughter — many therapists run them (social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists, etc). It can take time to find the right therapist and to find an all girls group but it has really helped our daughter a lot. The kids get realistic feedback on some of their behaviors, they can be taught some very practical skills that they may lack, and you have the benefit of therapist observations and feedback about your kid to give back to teacher (and others like Brownie troop leaders, sunday school teachers, etc.)

Many kids with Lds are behind their peers socially, they are just more immature. those kids with nonverbal learning disorder (NLD) also miss most social cues because of specific deficits in right brain processing, so they can be very handicapped socially. But my daughter has learned a lot from these groups (she has been in different ones over the years) AND she gets a weekly FUN time with peers, which has really helped during times she has felt more isolated at school.

Also, if your kid has an IEP for various educational issues, inquire about including social skills goals in the IEP — if the school has a counselor there may already be some group available to work on some of this.

I am going through the same experience. My son is 9 - he is dyslexic and attends private school (funded by the board of education) - his schooling is not in our vicinity and therefore does not have any “friends” in the neighborhood. What makes the situation “worse” is his feeling of inadequacy because of his learning disability. I truly breaks my heart. I read your e-mail and feel some comfort in knowing other parents are feeling the same hurt that I am.

Nancy,

Many thanks for your e-mail. I feel the same. Social skills are definitely something that has to be sorted. Amy feels very frustrated at school when people do not want to play with her. The other day she told me that she just walked around the playground, although her teacher did say that she seemed happier now!! They have playground assistants (dinner ladies to me!) who should be watching the children but there are only about 2-3 on duty at the same time no enough for over 100 children!!…… things can only get better….
Nancy wrote:
>
> I am going through the same experience. My son is 9 - he is
> dyslexic and attends private school (funded by the board of
> education) - his schooling is not in our vicinity and
> therefore does not have any “friends” in the neighborhood.
> What makes the situation “worse” is his feeling of inadequacy
> because of his learning disability. I truly breaks my
> heart. I read your e-mail and feel some comfort in knowing
> other parents are feeling the same hurt that I am.