11 year old girl, adhd, anxiety

: I haven’t raised a middle school girl but I’ve taught many and yes, they have anxiety. Lots of it. Think about the changes they’re going through and the anxiety becomes understandable.If, though, your daughter or anyone’s daughter is concerned about something happening to Mom on a shopping trip or a doctor’s appointment, that level of anxiety is not one we could quite the norm nor is it one that’s considered healthy. If we live in a war-torn country, it becomes understandable why a child would be concerned when their parent steps out of the house but unless you do, your daughter’s level of concern is not considered warranted and thus not normal.But if you have her in counseling for just this matter, you’re getting her support for her anxiety as a caring parent does.I would only say be sure to choose the right therapist. I chose a very goal-oriented therapist for my son. I don’t want my son in therapy the rest of his life. I think that’s counterproductive. After a certain amount of discussion as to why the anxiety might be occuring, in my opinion, it’s time to start working on not being anxious.hello,: i just finished reading all of the postings and am feeling a little
: more empowered. i thought i was prepared somewhat for middle
: school but did not expect the anxiety. i’m wondering if there are
: any parents of middle school girls who are experiencing elevated
: anxiety. i’m having some difficulty sorting out what is normal
: anxiety at this stage. i know that there are lots of things going
: on ie. puberty, transition to middle school, boys, self esteem,
: immature coping skills etc. i would love to hear from parents in
: this situation or ones who have been through it already. i’ve
: heard that it does get better! my daughter is on 40mgs adderall in
: morning before school - loves school - no behavior issues in
: school - minor ones at home - v. typical - has anxiety when mom
: leaves for shopping, appointment etc. - thinks something will
: happen to mom - currently receiving therapy which has helped
: somewhat.

Ditto about choose the right therapist AND don’t rule out medication, low dose prozac has really helped my ADD/LD daughter (age 10 — we’re looking at those middle school years….): hello,: i just finished reading all of the postings and am feeling a little
: more empowered. i thought i was prepared somewhat for middle
: school but did not expect the anxiety. i’m wondering if there are
: any parents of middle school girls who are experiencing elevated
: anxiety. i’m having some difficulty sorting out what is normal
: anxiety at this stage. i know that there are lots of things going
: on ie. puberty, transition to middle school, boys, self esteem,
: immature coping skills etc. i would love to hear from parents in
: this situation or ones who have been through it already. i’ve
: heard that it does get better! my daughter is on 40mgs adderall in
: morning before school - loves school - no behavior issues in
: school - minor ones at home - v. typical - has anxiety when mom
: leaves for shopping, appointment etc. - thinks something will
: happen to mom - currently receiving therapy which has helped
: somewhat.

Concerning your 11 yar old daughter - developmentally she is right on for experiencing anxiety about what can happen to mom. She now has started developing abstract reasoning skills and can think about what “may” happen. This is very normal for children this age. It is reassuring to children going through this if you do not overreact and let them know that while their concerns are valid, we have some things in life we just have to live with and one is that we have to go about our daily business without excess worry. An excellent resource is “Parenting Toward Solutions - How to Raise Responsible, Loving Kids” by Linda Metcalf, Ph.D. In your case, are there times when your daughter is in control of the anxiety, times that she doesn’t feel anxious? Tell her that is great that she didn’t feel anxious and asked her how she managed that. Suggest she try to repeat that at a time when she is anxious. This book helps parents use solution-focused techniques, which focus on children’s successes and encourage them to use skills from those successes to help when the “Problem”, which would be anxiety in this case, takes control. his method externalizes the problem, so the child feels more normal. This ability to find solutions will help the child through the long process called adolescence, which most of us have forgeotten. Your daughter is now entering the stage of the “imaginary audience”, where she will think and feel that everyone is watching her. This is just one of the many phases she will travel through. A good book on adolescent development will help you understand those phases and help you relax when you see how much is “normal” for their age. I am also the mother of an 11 year old girl who has ADD and I just had the same problem when I left for a three day convention. When I talked calmly, let her know that the worry was normal, and that I would call every day for a few minutes, she began to relax. I pointed out others times she did well and asked her how she did that. She found two ways to cope (one was writing me a daily message that I could read when I got home). The three days went fine for her and my husband and son. She even competed in a speech competition at school. I am also in my last semester in graduate school, where I am working on my MSE in Guidance and Counseling. I can tell you that I have to refer to the developmental theories for my own, I can forget some of what is normal with my own children, they are too close. Middle school is tough, make sure she finds an activity or two that she would like to be involved in, sports, academics, theatre, band, choir, orchestra, service (volunteer). the more she feels connected to others her age, the more confident she will become. Good luck, she obviously has a great mom who wants the best for her, so she’ll do great in middle school.