Hello. This is my first time here and I am desperately searching for help. I live in the Turks & Caicos where there is no public school, no specialists or support networks like I’m reading are available in the States. We are also on the British school system which starts the children at age 2. My 3 year old son is in preschool 5 days a week from 8:30 to 12:00 which he LOVES! He has been acting aggressively towards some of the other 15 children in his class and the teacher is suggesting that he be evaluated by a professional (of which there are none here!) for ADD or ADHD for his aggressive behavior. He has been pushing, hitting and biting (of which he is also the recipient), and because he is large for his age and very strong, he is being labelled a bully, and on the verge of expulsion. ( I have no other educational options here!) Based on everything that I have read about these disorders and disabilities, my son just does not fit the descriptions. Also I have not witnessed this behavior (nor has anyone in my family or friend network—we all think he’s sweet and loving). I do agree that he has a quick temper and frustrates easily which I think is due in part to his lagging verbal skills. He is super friendly, has lots of playdates (without any aggressive behavior), is clever and very physically coordinated. I just don’t get it and don’t know where to start. Is 3 old enough to be assessed and are there specific tests or signals to look for. I don’t want to miss any “signs” of conduct or behavior disorders. I do believe in early intervention. Thank you in advance for any help that you can give.
Thanks
Thanks Karen, for both of your responses…as you can see, I’m all over the place (I don’t even know where to post!) and desperate for answers.
The pediatrician just says “he’s fine, he’s a 3 year old boy”, and there are no psychologists here. Everyone who knows him seems to think the same, if anything that he’s just a physical kid, but certainly not OVER or HYPER active.
I’m mostly frustrated by the lack of help and resources here and the fact that the teachers and staff at the school seem to have labelled him as a “problem” already. I have no other schooling/social options than where he is now, and overall I think it is a great school. I am very actively involved in the school and act as the class representative for my son’s class. I have been in the class and do not see any of this behavior. When I bring this up, they explain it as the fact that he is fine when he is being watched closely. They or I can intervene when we see a situation escalating and head him off at the pass. But then tehy are also quick to point out that they have 16 2 & 3 year olds in the class and they cannot possibly watch all of the children all of the time, and certainly cannot spend all of their time focusing on my son. He can easily be re-directed and aggression diffused. Perhaps this is why I have no behavioral problems here at home or when he is on my watch. I sense his mounting frustration and redirect him or intervene before a situation (say two children fighting over the same toy) turns into WWIII.
This is not an everyday problem either, in fact today was the first time since November that I have gotten a phone call. He seems to just have a bad run of days then he’s great for weeks. The teacher says he’s otherwise very helpful and enthusiastic about school. Another reason why I question the ADD or ADHD—wouldn’t it be present on a more consistent basis? Is the school over reacting by demanding I get him evaluated or am I just being too lax? I am in such a quandry about this.
Thanks so much for any information that you can offer.
Re: 3 year old son
Goodness - usually I tend to defend teachers, because I see so many parents in denial (in my travels, I’m a parent myself) and I guess I’m naive enough to think that schools have our kids best interest at heart. But if your description is accurate based on the frequency and severity of the “problem” it doesn’t sound like much of an issue.
on the other hand, why would they make a fuss to you? Can you compare notes with the other parents - maybe there are many “adhd” kids in the school, ie, maybe the teachers have a low tolerance for normal 3 yr. old behavior.
Sometimes pediatricians just don’t see enough of a behavior - so I’d probably still seek another opinion, even if it meant traveling. If a qualified psych. doesn’t find anything then at least you’ve done your due diligence and can come back to the school with that.
Just replied to you on ADHD board - but this one is more active so let’s talk here.
I’d talk to my pediatrician and maybe a child psychologist. I would not jump to any conclusions about why your son is having a school issue, or assume its learning or attentional unless there are other reasons for thinking it. Take a deep breath and keep an open mind. Some 3 year olds use their bodies too much.